Not having any actual, real, true friends nor a significant other seems like a tragedy.
And yet, it's all my fault, a natural state of affairs given my personality.
I end up making people get bored. I've nothing deep, interesting, insightful, fun, or amusing to tell anyone.

My existence is particularly uneventful. I'm in my late 30s in my 4th year in a Computer Science major.
I feel I merely exist by inertia or momentum, not really having a will to live at all.
I've considered plans for the future, like pursuing a Master's and even a PhD degree in Computer Science,
while teaching undergrad courses.

However, I don't feel particularly excited about anything at all. If I were to die today, it would be just as uneventful as my existence.
Suicide is a recurrent leitmotiv in my thoughts, but I just can't make myself do it. I tried once in August-September 2005, but not seriously.
About any suicide procedure is prone to be extremely painful and to fail somehow.

Indeed, I know I deserve to be alone for the rest of my existence. I can't operate like a fully functioning human.
I'm more like a pseudohuman, devoid of a sense of self-dignity.

Existing like this is mentally painful and exhausting. But no therapy has ever worked well for me.