"Double The Elf, Double The Trouble" 

by littlemissjazz 

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***Script Starts Here


[Sound of door creaking open] 


Elf #1: *whispering* Okay, it’s kinda dark in here so be as careful as you can. Don’t touch anything- 


[Sound of something falling with a thud] 


Elf #1: Goddammit, I said be careful! 


Elf #2: Look, it’s ******* dark in here, okay? I wasn’t exactly trained to slide down chimneys either! It’s not my fault I can’t see. 


Elf #1: Uh-huh, just like it’s not your fault that the sleigh is broken. 


Elf #2: It’s not! I told you that it felt wobbly getting in it back at Santa’s workshop and that maybe we shouldn’t use it, but noooo, you just wanted to show off for the boss man and your co-workers. Even Rudolph wasn’t with your shit tonight. 


Elf #1: Rudolph is with no one’s shit every Christmas Eve! You try carrying a grown man, eight reindeer and a sleigh full of presents every year on your back. I’m glad we left him and the other reindeers outside to rest under that tree though. I can practically hear them chowing down on those reindeer treats right now. And when reindeer are hungry, you don’t wanna **** with them. 


Elf #2: So what’s the plan here exactly? Drop off these gifts and…then what? 


Elf #1: Figure out a way to hide until help gets here. I called in for help at the North Pole, but they won’t be here in another hour or so. These are the last gifts luckily but if help doesn’t pull through, we’ll have to figure out another way. We have only 2 hours till Christmas morning so time is running out and we’ve gotta get this sleigh back in time. 


Elf #2: (scoffs) Oh, please. 


Elf #1: *irritated* What? I can’t be concerned about doing my job right? 


Elf #2: No, no. Don’t gimme that shit just cuz Santa picked us to be the main deliverers for tonight. He only did it because he wanted to stay in and get up in his wife’s cookies. I heard she got a bikini wax but you wouldn’t expect it from a sweet old lady like her. 


Elf #1: That’s just a rumor. Santa wanted us to deliver tonight because he’s terribly ill and unable to focus tonight. So that’s where we come in. We are his main elves, aren’t we? 


Elf #2: Well…yeah. I can’t say that seeing the look of jealousy on those other elves’ faces isn’t hilarious. Especially when Santa announced that we’d be taking over last minute. I’m just glad we got through these other countries first before got to America. 


Elf #1: But we still have to get the sleigh and the reindeer back home so let’s move before sunrise. 


Elf #2: Wooow. Really nice place here. Gorgeous fireplace, nice big fluffy couch. (gasps) Look at that Christmas tree! It’s huge! God, this little girl must really like Christmas a lot. God this box is vibrating a lot in my hands. What’s in this anyway? Let me take a peek. 


Elf #1: Those aren’t yours! You can’t just look into someone else’s gift, asshole! 


Elf #2: Relax I’m only peeking into it. [Sound of paper ripping] What the hell is this? “Lin…gerie”? What kind of kid wants lingerie? 


Elf #1: It might be for the mom, dumbass! But stop ******* around. If we’re seen by any humans in here, we’re ******. You know it’s against proto call. 


Elf #2: Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m way more careful than that. Mmm, I’ve gotta say…this lingerie is pretty sexy. Whoever wears it will look good as hell in it, don’tcha think? I can only imagine how they’d look. Or how’d they taste…or how they’d feel. ****, I’m hard. I really need to get laid this Christmas. 


Elf #1: We’re 2 hours away from sunrise, the sleigh is broken and we could literally be caught by humans any moment now..and you’re going on about getting *****? Nice to know where your head is at instead of your job or the little children around the world. 


Elf #2: Aw, c’mon, you’re making me sound like a douche. Of course, I care about the kids but their parents get them their gifts these days. We’re just the extra load. And besides, don’t tell me you aren’t thinking the same thing. I mean, can you just imagine making some sweet love to a gorgeous human woman in front of this fireplace? That’s more action that we’d ever get back at the North Pole, that’s for sure. 


Elf #1: (sighs) Listen, I get your frustration. I could use a little bit of…relaxing myself. But you know we can’t ever be seen by humans other than Santa and Mrs. Clause. Those are just the rules. Now let’s stop conversing over our dirty fantasies and get to moving. Time is going to run out if we don’t hurry and…what the hell are you doing?! 


Elf #2: [Sounds of chewing & crunching] Mmm! These cookies are delicious! This little girl can really bake, whoever she is! You want one? Look, she made them look like Christmas trees. 


Elf #1: *in a quiet hissing tone* Those aren’t ours! Put them back! 


Elf #2: (chuckles) What do you mean? Santa isn’t here so they are meant for us. Look, they got eggnog set out next to the milk. Guess they knew we’d be needing it, am I right? Traveling around the world in one night can be stressful. I can understand why Santa wanted off tonight. They left out glasses too! [Sound of eggnog pouring into glass] 


Elf #1: *in a quiet hissing tone* No, put that down! Put damn eggnog down or I swear to Santa himself, I’ll- 


[Sound of glass breaking] 


Elf #1 & #2: ****. 


[Sound of footsteps] 


Elf #1: *whispering* Shit! Someone’s coming! Quickly! Hide somewhere! 


Elf #2: *whispering* Where? I’m too big to fit under the tree and we can’t go back up the chimney. It doesn’t work that way! 


Elf #1: Quick! The window! 


[Sound of footsteps stopping]


Elf #2: Shit…We’ve been spotted, man. 


Elf #1: *whispers* ****. (clears throat nervously) *in a nervous, clear tone* Uh….hi! Please don’t be alarmed, little one! We’re just…oh. You’re not a little one. 


Elf #2: Certainly not a little one at all. You’re a grown ass woman…holding a very intimidating baseball bat. Maybe if we don’t move, she won’t see us. Humans only respond to slight movements. 


Elf #1: [a slight pause] Yeah, what she said, dumbass! That only works in dinosaur movies! Look, miss, we’re very sorry. We’re not trying to rob you or anything. We just wanted to drop off these gifts and be on our way. We didn’t mean to scare you. 


Elf #2: [a slight pause] Who are we? Well, who do we look like, sweetheart? We’re elves, of course! [a slight pause] But we’re not small, huh? (chuckles) You humans watch way too many Christmas movies. Yes, there are small elves in the North Pole, but we’re one of the ones who aren’t. We look just like humans despite the pointy ears and the weird bell shoes. 


Elf #1: [a slight pause] You think we’re hot? *flustered* Well, uh…thank you. I’m not sure if I’ve ever gotten that compliment before, but thank you. We try to work out as much as we can and I guess it’s paying off. You’re rather attractive yourself. 


Elf #2: [a slight pause] Do we think so? Sweetheart, we know so! Look at you! I can see how short that lacey little nightgown underneath your robe is. Are those little candy canes on it? That’s so cute! Just like you. And the fact that you set out the cookies and milk for us is even better. [a slight pause] That was as a joke, huh? But you’re still letting us take the cookies and the eggnog? Well, Merry Christmas to me! 


Elf #1: Well, we’re certainly glad we revived your belief in Santa and magic and we appreciate your hospitality, but we have to be on our way, miss. [a slight pause] Well, yes, that is our sleigh out front. I know it looks kind of torn up and it’s only 2 hours until sunrise, but time goes very quickly around this time of night ma’am. Especially when you’re delivering presents for Santa in his place all around the world. 


Elf #2: [a slight pause] Would we like some wine before we leave? Hell yeah, we would! I could use a good drink with a pretty woman to end the rest of this night off. 


Elf #2: Uh, thanks but no thanks, miss. As lovely as that sounds, we really have to get going or we’ll be in big trouble with the boss man. Here are your presents by the way. I’m afraid my partner opened one of them because he can’t keep his hands to himself. 


Elf #2: I’ve gotta say, you’ve got good taste in gifts, babe. Here you are. [Sound of something hitting the floor] Shit, I dropped them! No, don’t trouble yourself helping me, doll. It was my fault. Let me just…woah. 


Elf #1: What? What is it? ….Oh. 


Elf #2: Uh…That’s a ******* dildo…and a vibrating one at that. Is that why the box was moving around so much? How many inches is that? Six maybe? 


Elf #1: Oh, my God, miss. We are so, so sorry. You’re turning so red right now. You’re really that embarrassed? Imagine how we feel seeing that! That’s what you put on your list for Christmas this year? You wished for a vibrating dildo? 


Elf #2: Jesus…I mean, usually, we get Barbies or Fortnite games on our lists, but dildos? I wonder what Santa had to say about this one. (laughs) Aw, you’re so embarrassed! Babe, don’t worry about it. You’d be surprised how dirty the elves can get over there at the North Pole too. We’re not that clueless about ***. 


Elf #1: [a slight pause] I see. So you asked for a man for Christmas because you couldn’t seem to find one for yourself and felt out of luck? Maybe that’s why Santa sent you these, uh (clears throat) goodies. Santa isn’t capable of stuff like that, miss. 


Elf #2: And you’re wishing for one man when you’ve got two standing right in front of you. [a slight pause] What the hell do you think I mean, sexy? I don’t know about him, but I’ve been wanting to get my hands on a pretty thing like you all damn year! [a slight pause] You want to touch me? Well, of course, you can. I’m not off limits…well, for tonight at least. There are strict rules for elves not being seen by humans, but just for tonight, we can break those rules. What do you say? [Soft kissing sounds] Mmm…from that kiss I’m guessing you’re with it. You gonna join in or just stand there, partner? Don’t matter to me. We could use the audience. [More make out sounds] 


Elf #1: ****…this goes against all of the rules and we need to be back at the North Pole before sunrise but…the way you look under those Christmas lights and the fire glowing against your skin like that…****! No! I can’t! I- Mmph! [Soft kissing sounds] Your…your lips are so soft and sweet. They taste like gingerbread. (hisses slightly) Your hand! 


Elf #2: Wow, from the way you just gripped his **** through his pants like that…you really are a naughty girl, aren’t you? 


Elf #1: (moans softly) Of course, I’m hard! Any man or elf would be with a beautiful woman standing in front of them like this. ****, I can’t take this anymore. ******* come here! [Makeout sounds] I’ve been so ******* horny for months now. You try spending January through December cooped up in a workshop with a bunch of elves and some reindeer. Not a lot of fish in the sea as you can imagine. 


Elf #2: (laughs) So now you finally admit it! Why don’t I join in a little bit on this and maybe…mmm, run my hands over your shoulders. That feel good? Maybe take down that robe too. [a slight pause] Fuuuck me, look at you! I wish I could get Christmas presents because you’d be the first thing on my list. [Soft kissing sounds] You like the way I kiss your shoulder? How about when I *** your *******? 


Elf #1: (moans softly) ****..I’ve never…felt something…like this before. It’s like I can’t get enough of you. What’s that? You wanna thank us for going through so much trouble? Baby, you don’t- Woah! (gasps as you are pushed back on the couch) Wow, feisty, aren’t you? I kinda like that. 


Elf #2: (chuckles) So do I, but you don’t have to get rough with me, baby, no matter how hot it is. I’m eager to see what this surprise is so I’ll sit down with my glass of eggnog and enjoy whatever show you put on for us. 


Elf #1: Hey, pass some of that over this way, partner. I could use a good drink while we watch this performance. [a slight pause] You what? You want us *****? Right here? 


Elf 2: Well, we can’t deny her, can we? We did enter her house unannounced so the least we can do is do what she says. [Sound of clothes rustling] Mmm…and there we are, sweetness: two big, hard, throbbing cocks. (laughs) Didn’t think two elves could be this big, right? We’re just full of surprises tonight, aren’t we? 


Elf #1: Do you like watching us, baby? You do, don’t you? You like watching us stroke for you while you standing there in the firelight? 


Elf #2: [a slight pause] And there goes that nightgown. 


Elf #1: Holy ****! You’re so…so…I can’t even find the words to explain how amazing you look in that bra and those panties. You’re like a sexy little candy cane ready to be licked. Are you ready to be licked, naughty girl? 


Elf #2: Because that’s what you are, right? A naughty little girl who needs to be punished? You’re not a good girl at all. Maybe that’s why Santa sent those gifts. Maybe that’s why he sent us here, so we could teach you how to be a good girl. Yes, crawl to us, baby. I love seeing your **** move in that bra. I can’t wait till it’s off though. 


Elf #1: (hisses sharply) **** yes! Grip me just like that! Your hand is so warm, I…I don’t even think I can take it. 


Elf #2: (moans) You stroking us at the same time like that with both hands is so naughty. Go lower for me. Yeah, like that! Jingle those balls for me, baby. (laughs) Yeah, you’d be surprised how many nasty Christmas puns are out there. 


[Improv of double handjob w/ moaning for a while] 


Elf #1 &2: (moan in unison when she takes you into her mouth) 


Elf #1: (moans loudly) Holy f-****! How did you take us both into your mouth like that? Are you sure you can handle all that? (chuckles through moans) You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full, baby. Why don’t you show us a bit more of that Christmas cheer? 


Elf #2: (grunts in ecstasy) **** yes, baby! Mmm, bob on those candy canes just like that. You’re doing just a great job. Keep this up and you’ll definitely be getting extra gifts next year. Maybe we’ll even persuade Santa enough to take a personal trip to your house alone. How’s that sound to you? 


Elf #1: (moaning loudly) (growls) I-I can’t take this! I need to touch you. Let me just get on the floor with you by the fireplace. Get this ******* bra off. [Wet tongue flicking sounds] You like the way I flick my tongue against your gorgeous nipples like that? How about if I…(grunts) just lightly stroke my **** against your nipples? Is this alright? You…want me to smack them? Well, I suppose you still do need to be punished. [Sound of light wet slapping sounds] Yeah? You like that, naughty girl? 


Elf #2: (laughs through a moan) ****, this is so hot. Maybe I should join in on the punishing too. [Spanking sounds] Yeah, you like me spanking that ass, don’t you? You deserve it for wearing such tiny little panties like this. Mmm, you were just wishing for this, weren’t you? Just hoping for somebody, anybody, to take you for a ride on Christmas Eve? 


Elf #1: Well, here we are, baby. We are not stopping until tonight ends in you screaming for us. Now turn around so your ass is facing me. 


Elf #2: You heard the man. Turn that ass around. That’s it, now get on top of me. Don’t worry, I’ve got you. Your **** look so ******* good in my face. Lean down so I can play with them, darling. Just like that. [Wet tongue flicking & sucking sounds] 


Elf #1: Mmm, you’re so wet. You don’t even need to be prepped up but I’ll do it anyway because I wanna taste you. [Cunnlingus sounds] You taste so ******* good! Like gingerbread and everything good and sweet. Yeah? My tongue feel good on your clit? [Cunnlingus sounds cont.] 


Elf #2: (growls) Goddamn, baby! Please Let me **** you. [a slight pause] You want that too? Oh, **** yes, this is a Christmas wish come true. You ready for me? (moans loudly) Ohhh, fuuuck, you’re so fuckin’ wet. 


Elf #1: I’m gonna slide in as well. Is that okay with you? [a slight pause] Okay, good. Here I go, baby. Just relax. (moans) **** me, that’s good! (moaning loudly) Jesus, you’re...you’re so tight! If I’m not careful, it’ll be a white Christmas a bit too early. (laughs) 


Elf #2: Mmm, you should pound into her. That's it, give it to her reeeal good. Just like that. 


Elf #1: Oh, God yes. [wet, pounding sounds] ****, yes! This feels so good. Oh, ****! Yeah, you like that, huh? I’m ******* so hard the Christmas tree is shaking. 


Elf #2: Your *******, bouncin’ up and down like that...Oh, ****, yes! Yes, bounce on me, baby. Yeah, you like two cocks fillin’ you up at the same time? Does it make you feel good? Is this what you wanted? Is this a Christmas miracle for you? 


[moaning improv from both men] 


Elf #1: Oh! Oh, my God, I…I think I’m close! Are you close too, baby? ****, I can feel you tightening around me. God, you look so ******* amazing by the fire and under the Christmas lights like this. It’s enough to make me… (grunts) 


Elf #2: (chuckles) Maybe we should see who can hold out first. First one who gives this little cutie a white Christmas has to explain the Santa why we’re late. 


Elf #1: That’s not gonna happen, but…****! You’re on. 


Elf #1: Jesus Christ…I’m sorry, honey, but I don’t…I don’t think I’m gonna last much longer. I’m gonna lose this. (moans louder as you get closer) Oh, ****! ****, I’m so close! I’m so fuckin’ close, babydoll! 


Elf #2: With the way you’re moving on top of me…****, I don’t think I’m gonna win this either. (moans become more frequent as you get closer) Oh, ****, I’m close too...I’m gonna really fill you up with some Christmas joy, baby. (laughs) Oh, God, yeah! Yes! 

Elf #1: Oh, ****, ****, ****. I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cum in that *****! [improv to climax] Take all of it. Take every ounce of our cum inside that sweet little ***** while you cum around those cocks inside you. [moaning with each pounding trust] 


Elf #2: (moaning in absolute ecstasy) Oh, yeah! Yes, baby! Oh, God, I’m gonna cum for you! Cum for me, baby! Cum for us please! 


[Improv to climax for both]


Elf #2: (moaning softly) Oh...oh, fuuuuck. (laughs) Jesus Christ. 


Elf #1: That was…oh, my goodness. I don’t even know how to describe it in words. 


Elf #2: (laughs) Talk about some relaxation, am I right? And you…you were absolutely amazing. C’mere. [Soft kissing sounds] That was the best *** I have ever had. 


Elf #1: Hey, I want some of that too. [Soft kissing sounds] [Sound of loud knocking] Shit! That’s the help I called! They’re here already? 


Elf #2: Dude, it’s been past 2 hours since we got our clothes off. Time flies when you’re having fun. (laughs) No, don’t be sorry, babes. 


Elf #1: No, it’s most definitely not your fault, sweetness. It’s a definite **** yes that we’ll get in trouble back at the North Pole with us being late and all though. (sighs) And we’d of course have to explain why the sleigh was broken in the first place AND why we took so long at one single house to drop off gifts. [a slight pause] You want us to stay? Aw, baby… 


Elf #2: But…I mean…since our help is here, maybe they can fly the sleigh back to Santa’s workshop. We’ll just keep us some reindeer to fly us back later. I think the North Pole can wait a little while for something like this. 


Elf #1: I guess it can. [a slight pause] (chuckles) You wanna make us breakfast too? Pancakes and bacon do sound good. 


Elf #2: God, you’ve got to be the best Christmas gift we’ve ever gotten! (softly kisses cheek) Then maybe after breakfast we can watch Christmas movies, drink hot cocoa- [Sound of a loud knock on the door once more] Well, duty calls, I guess. Shall we put this plan into action and completely abandon our jobs for the day? 


Elf #1: Abandon? (chuckles) It’s Christmas day. I think we did our job exceedingly well if I do say so myself. (softly kisses cheek) Help us get dressed, babes. You’re helping us call out today. 


***Script Ends Here