[F4M] [Script Offer] I Can’t Lose You Too: Love After Loss [Friends to Lovers] [Mourning Friend Together] [Camping] [Drinking] [Emotional] [Comfort] [Memories] [Coping with Loneliness] [Complex Feelings] [Slooow Burn] [Handjob] [Fingering] [Cuddlefuck] [Blowjob] [Cum in Mouth] “Damn it. This camping trip was supposed to be a chance for us all to get together and remember… *him*. But… everybody flaked. Everybody but us. I… I guess I don’t blame them. There are lots of happy memories on this lake, but… even happy memories can be painful sometimes. I’m… I’m kind of struggling right now, to be honest. I want to sit here with you and remember all the good times, but my feelings… aren’t easy. I’m sad, I’m guilty, I’m angry, and… I’m really lonely, too. And… I know you’re feeling lonely right now, too. Probably even more lonely than me. And… I don’t know how to fix that. Not completely. But maybe if we let ourselves get close to each other… *really* close… we can make tonight just a little bit easier.” Their annual camping trip used to be a time for fun and frivolity, but after this year, it will never be the same again. After the rest of their friends bail on them, a young man and woman are left alone to process a terrible tragedy – the loss of their longtime friend. Traumatized and filled with regret, the two do their best to distract themselves. But some emotions are too powerful to suppress, and as stories are told and alcohol is consumed, long-hidden regrets rise to the surface. As the two try to comfort each other — and themselves — will they go too far? And if they do… will they be able to hold on to their friendship? Hey, thanks for clicking. I’ve got one more heavy one for you. A friends-to-lovers story with a very long fuse, lots of emotion, and some character-driven storytelling. This one isn’t as potentially triggering as my last one, but fair warning: it deals pretty intensely with themes of loss, loneliness, regret, and anger, so if that doesn’t sound like a good time, it might be best to skip this one. Some notes: there are references to several named characters in this story, but the names can definitely be changed according to your preferences. There are some sound effects scattered throughout the script, but these are fully optional and can be excluded at your discretion. Feedback is always welcome! Any interested performers are welcome to edit/improvise to their hearts’ content. [CHARACTER ADVICE] This character is hiding an absurd amount of guilt and shame. While she doesn’t blame herself for what happened, we find her at a moment where her regrets are overwhelming her. Her feelings for the listener are complicated – she is willing and interested, but definitely not head-over-heels. Her actions at the end of this script are driven by vulnerability and a desire for comfort, but it’s very possible that her feelings could blossom into something more — possible, but far from certain. *Asterisks are for emphasis* [Brackets are for direction] Line breaks are just there to make scanning easier – improvise with pauses all you like. -----[START]----- <(optional) ambient outdoor/campfire noises throughout> [quietly, to herself] Goddamnit. God ******* damnit. *******… kindling… Can’t even make a fire right. How the hell does this work? Of all the nights to forget my lighter… [sadly, to the universe] This… this would be a lot easier if… *you* were here. You taught me how to do this once, but… I can’t remember now. And… you would probably think that’s pretty funny. I wish I could remember. I probably would have paid better attention if I’d known… if I’d know you would… [soft, spiteful] Goddamn you. Just… goddamn you. [distacted] Mmm? Oh. Hey. You’re back. Uh… welcome, I guess. No, I… I wasn’t saying anything. Just kinda… grumbling, I guess. You didn’t miss much. Yeah, we’re all set. Tents are set up, and I… *think* I’ve got the fire going. Just as soon as I… Oh, shit! *There* it goes! Huh. Looks like I remembered after all. Hmm? Oh, uh… nothing. Just… come here and take a seat. It’s getting nice and toasty now. Just in time, too – there goes the sunset. So… did you get the canoe all tied up? Sounds… stressful. Well… I’m sure it’ll be fine. It only needs to stay there till morning. [hesitant] And, uh… sounds like you can leave the other one in the truck, too. [disappointed/frustrated] Yeah, I… I just got a text from Shawna. She and Craig aren’t coming. And still no word from Leslie and Heather, so… yeah. Looks like it’s just gonna be us. Mmm… they didn’t really say why they aren’t coming. Some excuse. I dunno. [sadly] But… it’s okay. I mean, it’s disappointing, but… I get it. *Lots* of memories out here. Good ones, mostly, but… yeah. Good memories can… hurt sometimes. Well… let’s not let it get to us, okay? I mean… we’re fun people, right? So… let’s do what fun people do: have fun. Immediately. Yeah, easier said than done, I guess, under the… *circumstances*. You know, uh… I was *kind* of banking on having, you know, *everybody* here to help me relax and… get my head on straight. So this is, um… [embarrassed – she suddenly realizes what she’s implied] Oh! Oh, no, shit, I didn’t mean… I’m… I’m sorry. I’m really glad you’re here! Seriously. It’s just… I dunno. With everything that’s happened… it’s hard not to think about… *difficult* stuff. You know what I mean? Oh! Wait, I just remembered — I brought something that might help with that. <(optional) rummaging sounds> Voila! Booze. Lots of booze. Well, uh… don’t get too excited. It’s vodka. Cherry-flavored vodka. I know, I know. Bleh. Hate this stuff. But, you know… it was *his* favorite. So… it seemed fitting. But, uh… yeah. After tonight… I’m looking forward to never drinking it again. Well… I mean, you don’t *have* to drink it. It’s not like the two of us can finish this bottle by ourselves, anyway. But, like… I dunno. Don’t you want to do just… *one* shot? In his honor? You don’t have to, I just… I thought that would be nice. I thought he’d like that. [smiling] Yeah? Ok. Well, uh… I didn’t bring any shot glasses or anything, so… we’ll have to take turns. And share cooties. [sarcastic] Oh yes, *thank* you for your *noble* sacrifice. You’re a trooper. Now, then… rock-paper-scissors? Whoever wins gets to pick who goes first? Okay. On “shoot.” Ready? Rock, paper, scissors, *shoot*! Damnit. Waitwaitwait, hold up — best two out of three. *Yes,* I’m serious. I’m just getting warmed up! Hands up, bitch. Let’s go. Rock, paper, scissors, *shoot*! [delighted] Yessssss! Eat shit! I am *not* getting cocky! I’m getting *confident*. Big difference. I’m on a roll. I’m remembering my training. I can *feel* it. Now, ready up, hotshot. Tiebreaker. All the marbles. Rock, paper, scissors, *shoot*! No! No no no! Ugh, goddamnit. [faux-angry] Would it have been *so* terrible to let me win? Asshole? Yeah, I don’t know how you would *let* somebody win rock-paper-scissors either. Whatever. So… I’m guessing I drink first, right? [faux-impressed] Oh, *you* do? Wow. *Such* a gentleman. Well, in that case… here you go, hero. Enjoy. Yep. I know that face. It, uh… doesn’t exactly go down smooth, does it? You poor, poor thing. Here — I brought some chaser. Again, temper your expectations — it’s Sprite. You know, just to round out the trashy freshman-year nostalgia trip. Oh, come on. Quit moaning. Here — take this and… give me the bottle. Okay, here we… oh, *god* no. *That* smell brings back memories. Sweaty, nauseous, awful memories. [faux-attitude] Chill *out*! I’m doing it, I’m doing it! Just… gimme a second. Jesus. Whew. Okay. Bottoms up. Cheers! [quiet, somber] To you, Ben. I miss you. <(optional) drinking sounds> [raspy] Oh, ******, that is… that is just how I remember it. I… Oooooh god. My throat is so *angry*. Sprite, please. Hurry hurry hurry. <(optional) more drinking sounds> Whooo. *The* worst. The absolute *worst*. I will *fight* whatever smug Russian **** came up with flavored vodka. [bittersweet] You know… I’m pretty sure Ben didn’t even *like* vodka. Not *really*. I think he just *told* us he did because he liked watching us drink it. Asshole. But in his defense, I saw that face you made a second ago, and, uh… yeah. Pretty funny. [bittersweet] Yeah. There was… there was always a joke with him, you know? Always a reason to smile. You’d smile even when you wanted to punch him in the face. And… I *always* wanted to punch him in the face. [snapping out of it] Anyway, um… I was *also* kind of hoping that everybody else would bring stuff to *do*. I brought the tents, you brought the canoes… we held up *our* end of the deal. Jerks. Well… we’ll make do. Man, I just wish I had thought to bring some music or something. [he motions to the guitar she brought with her] [uncomfortable] What? Oh, um… yeah, I… I *did* bring the guitar, but… [trying not to show her distress] Well… well, *yeah*, I play, but… but I don’t… it’s not… [getting emotional] It’s… it’s *Ben’s* guitar. It’s *his*, and it was special to him, and I don’t… I… [quiet, shaky] I don’t think I can do that. [trying to pull it together, change the subject] Let’s, um… let’s play a game, okay? Pass the time. That… that’ll be fun. Uh… I don’t know which game. Like I said, I didn’t bring any. Um… Oooh! Okay. Drinking game. Never Have I Ever. Come on, it’ll be *fun*! Even more high school bullshit! Oh no, I am *not* taking any more shots of that garbage. Just… little nips! If I say a thing and you’ve done the thing, you take a nip. Okay? Yes! Okay, I’ll go first. Um… ooh! Never have I ever… been slapped in the face. Aww, you haven’t either? Lame. Well… the night is young. Oh, calm down. Your turn. [flatly] Have I ever… been skinny dipping? [rolling her eyes] *Men*. I swear to god. *No,* I definitely have *not*! That sounds so… cold! And embarrassing! Uh-uh. No thank you. [good-natured] Oh my *god*, you’re annoying. You know what? Just for that: never have I ever tied up a canoe. Gotcha! Here you go. Take a nip. Big nip. Tastes so *good*, mmm-*mmm*. Ooooh, yep. There’s the face. Here, let me take that bottle back before you drop it. Now then… hit me. Make it a *good* one. [hesitant] Have I ever… broken someone’s heart? That’s, um… that’s a heavy one, I’m… I mean, I don’t really know for *sure* if I… [quiet] Yep. [trying to stay cheerful – and failing] Is it really that surprising? Wow, I’m *flattered*. Who… whose heart? Um… [hesitant] It’s, um… it’s kind of a long story, I guess. [reluctant] Well… yeah, I guess… I guess we *do* have time. Hold on. Need a drink. [haltingly, bittersweet] Okay. So, umm… so remember freshman year? When we all spent the whole summer together before we moved to the dorms? That was… that was an important time for all of us, I think. I mean… we had all *known* each other for a while, but… that was when we really *came together*, you know? We got to know each other, went on trips, Shawna and Craig *finally* hooked up… and I *think* that’s when we discovered the magic of alcohol . That part might have happened right here, actually. Right on this lake. My memory’s a bit fuzzy for… obvious reasons. Anyway, that summer… that’s when I noticed how close you and Ben were. I mean, I *knew* you two were best friends and everything, but… I guess it hadn’t occurred to me just how much you meant to each other. [remembering happily] Like… you were always ribbing on each other, messing around, pushing each other into… *questionable decisions*… You know, typical guy stuff, I guess. But… I dunno. Before that, I don’t think I had ever heard two men say “I love you” without turning into some… dumb macho joke. And… you *did* love each other. A lot. And you never tried to hide it. And… I dunno. I thought that was really cool. I thought *you* guys were cool. [pensive] I… I think I was missing that kind of love in my life. Heather and Leslie are great, Shawna and Craig are great, but… things can be kind of… surface-y with them, I guess. They like to… change the subject when things get too real. And I was used to that. I mean, that’s what my family is like, too, so… I didn’t notice it for a while. But you two… you just radiated this *warmth*, you know? You loved each other *so much*, and that seeped out into everything around you. And… I wanted that. [struggling to explain] So… I wanted to get to know you two. I mean, I *knew* you, but, like… before our whole big group started hanging out, I was just… Heather’s friend. And you two were Craig’s friends. You know what I mean? Like… we were always on opposite sides of the group, I guess. I saw you two all the time, but it was never just *us*. Just you and me or me and Ben. And that was fine, all of us being friends *together*, but… I wanted to be *your* friend. [sadly] I… I wanted to be Ben’s friend. So… when we went to college… when you and Ben moved into the dorms together… that was my chance, right? My chance to finally get to know you guys. And… I did. Those first few months… we had a lot of fun, didn’t we? Partying, staying out late, getting into trouble… running from the cops that one time. You know, I don’t think I ever thanked you for saving the day on that one. Who knew you were so good at… “urban camouflage”? Oh, come on! I’m just trying to make you sound good. “Urban camouflage” sounds *way* cooler than “pulling your friends into a dumpster.” Anyway… I really *did* get to know you two. And… it was great! [more sadly] At first. Pretty soon, you started dating… what was her name? Blonde girl, pre-med? Right. Yeah. So… suddenly, you weren’t around as much. And then… you weren’t around *at all*. And… that’s normal. You were exploring new things. Discovering new sides of yourself. Getting serious about your studies. [quiet, sad] But… Ben wasn’t. I… I don’t think he knew what to do without you around. You two were like brothers, and… I’m not sure he really knew what he *was* without you. And, I mean… we *all* have to deal with those feelings at *some* point, but… Ben didn’t handle it very well. [difficult memory] So while you were making new friends, studying hard, getting a job… Ben was drinking. And drinking. And… drinking. And suddenly, that impulsiveness we all loved him for… it wasn’t so cute anymore. [psyching herself up] And then… there was one night where he showed up to my door. He… he had done that before, so I was just expecting to sober him up, let him sleep on my couch, all that. But… he wasn’t drunk. He was… . I don’t know. The look in his *eyes*, I… I had never seen him like that before. It… scared me. He stumbled in, and he sat down, and… he told me about his night. You two had been… I don’t know what to call it. Fighting, I guess. He was jealous of how much time you were spending with your girlfriend, and he confronted you about it, and… it sounded like you didn’t handle it very well. He told me some of the things you said to each other, and… *god*, they were *vicious*. I couldn’t *believe* you two would talk to each other like that. [pity] He… he broke down. Right there on my couch. He was just… *so* scared of losing you. We were all kind of hanging with different crowds at that point — the rest of us had stopped partying so much, we were all in different programs — he… didn’t know what to do. He was afraid that if he lost you… he wouldn’t have anyone left. [shakily] He was… he was just so *lonely*, you know? It broke my heart. It broke my ******* heart, and… and I didn’t know what to do. I just… I *couldn’t* see him like that. I couldn’t let him *hurt* that much. I sat down next to him, I rubbed his back, I told him everything would be okay… [quietly, shamefully] And… I kissed him. And he kissed me back. [beating herself up] Stupid ******* mistake. Stupid, heartless, oblivious… . I shouldn’t have done that. I… I really, really shouldn’t have. Worst thing I could have done. I didn’t… *feel* anything for him. Not at all. He was my best friend. Him and you. That was all. [self-pity] But… I just wanted him to be okay, you know? I wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone. That I was there and I wanted to help him. That I loved him in the only way I could. That… that the love you two had for each other wasn’t the only thing in his life. I… I wanted to help. I just… wanted to help. So… so we kissed, and… he told me he loved me. And not, like, in the way you two loved each other. He… really, really loved me. He had for awhile. All that time I had spent getting close to you two… he had started feeling things for me, and… I had no idea. And he told me… he told me that part of the reason you two had grown apart was that… he was more interested in spending time with *me*. He said all these things, and… and I felt *nothing*. Nothing at all. Just… shame. Shame and regret. [disgusted with herself] And I had just kissed him. Not out of affection, just out of… *pity*. Because I felt *sorry* for him. What kind of cruel, heartless, selfish, *pathetic* excuse for a friend… [trails off, lost in shame] In that moment… as he held my hand and leaned in for another kiss, I just… I dunno. I froze. I realized what I had done, and… I was *horrified* at myself. How could I have done that to him? How could I have led him on like that? What was I *thinking*? He was… he looked so happy, you know? Like I had suddenly fixed everything. Like he had been waiting for this forever. [quietly] And… I had to let him down. Right then and there. And… I thought I was preventing something terrible from happening, but… yeah. It was too late. I know that now. [emotional, pouring out] I pulled away from the second kiss, and… and I wanted to explain myself, you know? I wanted to tell him that I was sorry but I *couldn’t* return his feelings, and that I still *really* cared about him, and that I would do anything else — anything in the whole *world* — to help him, and I was so sorry for getting his hopes up, and that I didn’t know how he felt, and… and… I dunno, just *anything* to pull back from that mistake. But… but I couldn’t. I was just… *so* ashamed. I… I couldn’t find the words, and… and I was so *scared*, and I knew I had ruined *everything*, and I just wanted *out*, I wanted out of that situation as fast as I could, and so I… I just pushed him away and asked him to leave. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes. I just… asked him to leave. Just like that. [softly] And he… he just stared at me for a minute. Just… stared. Like he wanted to say something, but he was just… empty. And then he got up and left. Without a word. And… that was the last I saw of him for… a really long time. [shakily] That… that might be the worst thing I’ve ever done, you know? I… I kept telling myself that my intentions were good, but… I still can’t *believe* myself. There are *so* many things I could have done. So many ways I could have helped him and supported him. But… I didn’t. I froze up, and… and instead of helping you two make up… I wedged myself between you. I was so desperate to be close to you guys, and… I ended up wrecking it. For Ben, for you… for all of us. And… I’m glad that you two made up eventually. That made me happy. Things were… never quite the same between Ben and me, and we never really talked about that night, but… I’m glad you two still had each other. And I’m glad he had everybody else, too. A year or so later, he was back in everybody’s lives. The same fun, funny, goofball he always was. Always laughing, always pushing everybody to try new things, always playing… always drinking. [numbly, devastated] Always drinking… and *driving*. And… that leads us to now, I guess. You and me, drinking around a fire, mourning and remembering and regretting. So… so there. Yep. I have broken someone’s heart before. I, um… I think you win the game. Did you… did you know about any of that stuff? Did he ever tell you about it? He did. Mmm. And… and what did you think about it? What *do* you think about it? [angry, despite herself] What? No. No, I’m not blaming myself. I’m not blaming myself for anything. I *deeply* regret what happened between us. I really do. But I know I didn’t have anything to do with what happened to him. With what *he* did to *himself*. I’m not the one who left everyone who cared about him all alone, left them with nothing but a beat-up guitar that he always said he wanted chucked into the lake if he ever died. Who made his friends go on *one last* camping trip, one last camping trips to ruin *all* the other camping trips, so they could row out to the middle of a ******* freezing lake to bury the only thing they have left of him. No, I would never be that… that *cruel*, that *******… [she cuts herself off, suddenly guilty] [taking it back] That… I… shit, I didn’t mean that. I didn’t… I mean… I *did* mean it. In some way. I just… I dunno. I’m confused right now. Thanks, Mr. Smirnoff. [soft, emotional] I just… I don’t know how to feel. I’m all ****** up. I’m… I’m sad, obviously, but… I’m just so *angry* at him. And I don’t *want* to be angry at him. I want to miss him and love him and remember all my favorite things about him. I want to remember all the amazing things he taught me. But… I can’t. I can’t remember those things right now. It’s all covered up with this… this anger and this disappointment and… I dunno. [denial] It’s… it’s fine. I’ll deal with it. Sorry for, you know… dumping everything on you. I’ll… I’ll get it together. [defensive] What? No, I… I don’t need a hug. I don’t want… I… [she hesitates, then leans into the hug — she finally lets go, her breath hitching, tears (optionally) falling] I’m so mad. I’m so mad at him. And I really, really hate myself for that. I hate that I can’t just… just *accept* what happened and *forgive* him and move on to remembering the good times, but… I *can’t*. He’s *gone*, and he didn’t *have* to be. He did a stupid, *stupid* thing, and… and he’s *gone* now. And he left this… this big, big hole, and anger is the only thing I have to fill it with. And that... that’s ****** up. *So* ****** up. It’s not fair. It’s not ******* *fair*. It’s like… it’s like I’m doing this *wrong*. Like there’s a *right* way to feel, and… I just *can’t*. But… why not? Why can’t I just be *sad*? We’re here to… I dunno, *celebrate* him and *remember* him, but I *can’t* — not the way I want to. All my memories are ******* *poisoned*, and all I can feel is anger and guilt, I feel so ******* *guilty*, I can’t, I… I just… [emotional, tearful] He left us. He *left* us. All alone. It’s… nothing will ever be the same, and I don’t know what to *do*. I’m just… I’m so *lonely* now, I talk to Shawna or Heather and I’m still lonely, I’m surrounded by people *all the time* and I’m still so ******* lonely, and I don’t know what to do, I don’t… I don’t know what to… [she breaks off and stares intensely at the listener, still shaking — a strange, inscrutable emotion flashes across her face as her breath begins to quicken, and she suddenly leans forward, kissing the listener softly and tenderly] [pulling away — soft, dreamy, confused] I… I don’t know what I’m… [pulling away in horror] Oh! Oh… oh my god. No, no… ****. I’m… I shouldn’t have done that. That’s… that’s a really bad idea, I don’t know what I was… shit shit *shit*. [softly, as if to herself] I’m doing it again. After all these years… I’m doing it all over again. [trying not to panic] I’m… I’m so sorry. That was… really, *really* wrong of me. I can’t… we can’t *do* that. I just… I’ve been drinking, and I got emotional, and I… I lost control. I got overwhelmed, and I felt really lonely, and so I… god *damn* it. I mean, Jesus, you’re my *friend*, you’re one of the only friends I have *left* but for a minute I just felt like… [ashamed] No. Nevermind. It doesn’t matter why I did it. I just… I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have done that to you. I’m sorry. I’m… I’m so, *so* sorry. [quietly, trying to escape the situation] Um… I should go to bed. Yeah. That would be best. Uh… I put your all your stuff in your tent, so, um… yeah. Let’s… let’s talk about that in the morning, okay? Just… not now. [distracted] What? The fire? No, don’t bother, just… just leave it. Looks like it’s about to rain anyway. [SCENE TRANSITION – the (optional) fire sounds fade as several hours pass and (optional) rain sounds fill the silence] [whisper-shouting] Hey. *Hey*. Are you awake? *Hey*! Well… ready or not, I’m coming in. <(optional) cloth/tent sounds> Oh. Hi. Did I wake you up? Sorry. I just… [frustrated] My… my tent sprung a ****. A bunch of rain got in, and… I’m soaked. And freezing. And… it doesn’t look like the rain is gonna let up anytime soon. [cautious] So… listen, I know this is really weird after… after *earlier*, but… I think I’m gonna have to sleep in here tonight. With you. I’m… I’m sorry. Is that… okay? Thanks. You’re a lifesaver. What a ******* night, huh? Okay, um… I managed to keep *some* of my clothes dry. Not very many. No idea what I’ll do in the morning, but… but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Anyway, I, uh… I need you to roll over for a second. So I can change. Just… just don’t look, okay? Okay. <(optional) clothing sounds> Whew. That’s… well, a *little* better, at least. Um… okay. You just… get some rest, okay? I’ll just curl up in the corner over here, and… I’ll see you in the morning. Well, yeah, I’m a *little* cold, but… it’s fine. I’m out of the wet stuff now, so… I’ll be okay. [cautious] Oh. Um… I don’t know if I should… *do* that. I mean… yeah, your sleeping bag *is* big enough, but… that just kinda feels like a bad idea right now. [softly] Are you sure? [nervous] Well… okay. Unzip it and let me in. [embarrassed] Oh, but, um… shut your eyes. The clothes I managed to keep dry… well, they don’t really… *cover* a whole lot. So just, um… look away for a second? Please? <(optional) sleeping bag sounds> There. Okay. All covered up now. Um… thank you. This is… better. A *lot* better, actually. [quiet, guilty] I’m really sorry. For earlier, I mean. No, no, not like that. I’m not sorry for getting emotional, and… well, I’ve already apologized for *that* as much as I know how. No, I’m… I’m sorry for venting all those difficult feelings and… never asking how *you* feel. I mean… I know how awful *I* feel, but… you were *way* closer to him than I was. So… I really can’t even *imagine* where your head’s at right now. [kindly] So… are you okay? You know, I’m… I’m all covered up now. You can turn over and look me in the eye. If you want. [gently] You’re lonely too? Yeah… I’ll bet you are. I know you guys weren’t as close as you used to be, but… it’s awful losing such a big part of your life like that. And… it’s not just Ben, is it? The other guys… I guess I’m not surprised they didn’t show up. We’ve *all* kind of drifted apart. And… I dunno. Maybe I hoped that this would bring us all back together. But… it didn’t, did it? No one came. Nobody but me… and you. [cautious] Can you… would it be okay if… goddamnit. Um… can I hold you? Just for a second? I know I’m not wearing much, but… just for a second. Please? Thanks. [soft, confessional] I hate this. I hate all of this. All those happy memories… they’re not as happy as they used to be. And they aren’t coming back. I have to move on and make new memories, but… I’m not sure I can. I don’t *want* to leave all those things behind. Not… not *everything*. I… I don’t want to lose you too. I don’t want to grow apart from you. And… and I’m worried it’s going to make me do something stupid. [near-whisper] Is this… too close? Is it okay? Yeah? [hesitant] Um… have you ever thought about this? Have you thought about… us? Yeah… yeah, I’ve thought about it, too. Not in a while, but… I’ve thought about it a *lot*. [nervous but tender] I want to be… *close* to you. And… I’m really worried it’s a bad idea. I’m worried that… this will be the same mistake I made with Ben. Because… I can’t promise what’ll happen in the morning. Maybe we can take this further, and… maybe we can’t. But either way… I think we can make each other a bit less lonely tonight. [vulnerable] But… you just have to promise me something, okay? Promise me that, no matter what happens… you won’t go anywhere. That you’ll still be there tomorrow. That… we can hold on to just *one* piece of those old times. Okay? Will you promise? Okay. Then… come here. [They have ***. In my head, a lot of what follows is soft and wordless – hushed moans, shuddering breaths, kisses, gasps, and (optional) wet sounds. I’ve included plenty of verbal noise below to suggest the general flow of the scene, but I encourage you to edit, excise, and improvise as you see fit] You smell like campfire. I’ll bet I do too. But… I like it. It’s… nostalgic. [needy] ****, let me… let me take these off… <(optional) clothing sounds> [breathless, between kisses] Mmm… touch me… please, just… touch me… reach down between us and— Yes, right… right there… ****… your hands are so warm, and… and your fingers… oh, ******… go slow, go slow… be gentle… I want… I want to feel… *everything*. Oh, *god*, mmm… that’s…. that’s *good*, that’s… that’s so ******* *good*. ****, I’m… you’re making me so *wet*. God… take your shorts off. Hurry. Here, let me help… [between kisses] Oh, ******… I love the way you feel in my hand. I want you to get hard for me… I want to feel you get hard against me. Oh, ******… put your fingers inside… **** me with your fingers while I… while I stroke you… while I stroke your ****… mmm, ****, that’s good, baby, that’s so good… God, you’re so *hard*… I can feel you *throb*… god, come here… come close and press it against my *****… grind it on me… I want you to feel how wet you made me… ******… oh ******, the way your **** presses into my clit… that feels so ******* good. I… I want you. I want you inside me. Just like this. Is… is that okay? Yeah? Good. Let me… let me throw my leg over your hip… <(optional) shifting sounds, kiss> When you’re ready… push it in. Push it inside— Oh, *god*. Go slow, go slow… just… just hold it there for a second. Let me get used to you. Let me… let me *feel* you. You’re… you’re twitching for me! I like that. I… I love how you feel inside me. ****… push it in deeper. **** me, baby… **** me! Oh, ******… hold me close… hold me close and **** me… let me taste your neck… You’re so good… you taste so good, baby. God… *god* I love your ****… thrusting into me… you’re giving me… *butterflies*, I… our bodies grinding together… ****, I’m so *wet*, baby, I’m so ******* *wet* for you. You’re driving me… ******* *crazy*. [between kisses and moans] When you were dating that girl, back in college… *I* was jealous, too… I… I wanted to be your friend, but… I wanted to be *more* than friends, too. I… I wanted to know what your sweat tasted like. I wanted… I wanted to feel your… your breath on my neck… your lips… on my ear… I wanted to hear you gasp… and *groan* for me… oh, ******… [breathless, dreamy] I… I want you from behind. I want you to **** me from behind. No, no… don’t move. Just… let me turn over… There… let me press back against you and… *There* you are. Oh, ****… I like the feeling of your **** pressing against my ass like that. And I’ll bet if I just… grind back and forth… Yeah? You like that? I thought so. Your **** is nice and wet, and it just… slides against my ass so nicely… mmm… Put your arms around me… pull me close while I… reach down… and put you back into— Oh, ******! That’s… that’s even better. Oh *god*. Go slow, baby. Slow and *deep*. Make me feel every inch. ****, baby, **** **** ******. **** me. **** me *deep*. God, you’re… you’re so *hard*. So hard inside me. I can… I can feel you breathing on my ear. ****… kiss it… suck on it… oh ******. Jesus… Jesus Christ… grab my ****… grab my **** and… What are you— Oh my god, *yes*, do that, just like that… wrap your arm around and play with my clit while you… while you **** me. Holy shit, that’s… that’s so good baby, that’s so… ****, ****, ****! Pull my ass back into you… pull me back on your ****… **** me, **** me, ***** me*…. Oh god, keep going, keep doing that, just like that, I’m gonna… I’m gonna cum, baby, I’m gonna cum, I’m… [intensely, barely able to speak] Don’t stop! Don’t stop, I’m… I’m cumming. I’m cumming! [catching her breath] *Whoo*… holy *shit*! [embarrassed, but happy] Oh! Shit, sorry — my hair’s all in your face. Kinda… forgot myself for a second, I guess. Mmm… that was… that was *good*. *Really* good. I… I really needed that. How about you? Are you close? [pleased] Yeah? Good. No, don’t… don’t cum inside me. Here, let me… let me get under the covers and… finish you off another way. <(optional) shifting sounds> Oooh… hello there! Still nice and hard for me. Well… let’s see if we can take care of that. Mmm… we taste *good*. <**** kisses> [sultry] Mmm… you’re *throbbing* for me. Are you getting close? [lusty near-whisper] Good. Give it to me. Let it go. Cum for me. Cum in my mouth. There you go. How was that, baby? Good. I had fun, too. You taste… pretty ******* good, actually. *Much* better than cherry vodka. Hold on, let me… work my way back up there. Hello again! Say, uh… do you have any water? Only *Sprite*?! Oh, god. The final insult. Well… it’ll do for a chaser. Give it here. Ah. There we go. Now… come here. [gently] Hey… you okay? Yeah… me too. That was… really, *really* good, but… kind of intense. Are you… are you feeling alright about it? Good. [slightly conflicted] Yeah, I’m… I’m feeling okay. I dunno. I’ve… got a lot of thinking to do, I guess. You too, probably. But… we’ve got plenty of time to think tomorrow. For now… us being here, pressed together… kinda sticky… . It feels nice. It feels right. So… let’s not worry about it right now, okay? Hey… thank you. For coming on this trip with me. I, uh… I know this doesn’t really fix anything, but… I feel better. I was… really worried that we’d all come out here and just… realize that there was nothing holding us together anymore. That we would try our best to remember the good times and just… drift apart anyway. And… I was kind of right about that, I think. But… not you and me, okay? No matter what happens in the morning… whether this ever happens again or not, just… stay with me. Stay in my life. And I’ll stay in yours. For as long as we can. That… it would mean a lot to me. Deal? [quiet contentment] Good. Get some rest, okay? We’ve got some things to take care of in the morning. And I think they’re gonna be pretty difficult, but… I’ll be there to hold your hand. And you can hold mine. We’ll do it… together. I think that’ll make a difference. Good night. Sleep well. [they drift off to sleep in each others’ arms, breathing gently against each other, still deep in mourning and nervous about the future but suddenly sure that they’ll have plenty of support, no matter what comes next] -----[END]-----