utarrrg
hey
8:53:32
krystal
8:57:06krystalshaft
heyyy
8:57:38
how are ya?!
8:59:17utarrrg
im ok
8:59:22
how are you
9:00:30krystalshaft
doing pretty good actually!
9:00:37
aside from burning myself
9:00:38
hahahah
9:01:25utarrrg
how
9:01:37krystalshaft
making potstickers
9:01:43
lit handle got HOT
9:01:49utarrrg
oh nooo
9:01:49krystalshaft
lid
9:01:58
it's not bad yet
9:02:03
but I feel beginning of blister
9:02:20
but yeah
9:02:26
I've been deep cleaning
9:02:41
physically cleaning my space to help with my head
9:02:45
because I'm stuck here
9:03:21utarrrg
stuck why
9:09:29krystalshaft
just stuck working from home
9:09:40utarrrg
oh ok
9:10:05
i tried to say hey to kushy on fb and she responded with ?
9:10:16
and i took that way too personally and just said nothing
9:10:22
and then havent talked to her since lol
9:10:58krystalshaft
I mean, when was last time you guys talked
9:11:02
she's had a lot happen
9:11:05
and stuff
9:11:08utarrrg
uhhhh
9:11:11
oh really
9:11:14krystalshaft
maybe just hey isn't enough?
Dab.Chat: jonnypsilocybin has joined the room!
9:11:16utarrrg
weeks ago
9:12:50krystalshaft
i dunno I've always been the one that talks about my problems
9:12:51
is honest
9:12:54
get thingso ut
9:12:59
don't beat around bush
9:13:05
if I see my friend hurting I ask why
9:13:07
not hi
9:13:18utarrrg
hmm?
9:13:26
how would i know she was hurting?
9:13:40
if i havent talked to her in weeks
9:13:42krystalshaft
how would you know otherwise
9:13:43
?
9:13:49utarrrg
????
9:13:52krystalshaft
I'm saying, say more than hi
9:13:55
??????????????????????
9:13:59utarrrg
im not going to assume anything about someones life
9:14:05krystalshaft
ok don't
9:14:11
say more than hi
9:14:13utarrrg
i was just saying hello because i hadnt talked to her in a while
9:14:17
apparently thats not okay
9:14:18krystalshaft
I didn't say be psyychich
9:14:30utarrrg
cool thanks krystal
9:14:38krystalshaft
people think you're insensitive
9:14:40
you are
9:14:44utarrrg
ill talk to you another day
9:14:45krystalshaft
just being blunt
9:14:49utarrrg
are you serious
9:14:51krystalshaft
and hten you do this
9:14:58utarrrg
"do this"
9:15:09
i was having a really bad night and i came in here to talk to someone
9:15:10krystalshaft
"I don't wanna talk about this"
9:15:20
OTHER PEOPLE NEED THAT TOO
9:15:24utarrrg
huh
9:15:41
hahahaha no kidding
9:15:48
wouldnt i know that
9:15:53krystalshaft
you're literally saying "I wanted to talk about my problem"
9:16:01
"not address anything else"
9:16:06utarrrg
krystal
9:16:12krystalshaft
"I had a bad night I don't care about others"
9:16:17
KIM
9:16:19utarrrg
i want to slow down this convo because im not even getting a chance to process this
9:16:28
hold on please
Dab.Chat: jonnypsilocybin has left the room!
9:16:49
i dont understan where any of this came from
9:17:38
you think im insensitive
9:17:43
thats insaaaaane
9:17:49
i feel so hard for people every day
9:17:53
it hurts me
9:18:18
its powerful and im surprised you really do think that
9:18:35
apparently saying hi to kushy wasnt enough
9:19:03
ahhh
9:19:07
idk if youre responding but this chat sucks
9:19:11
and my messages didnt all go through
9:19:20
and now theyre all gone so i cant scroll up and respond to more of what you said
9:19:40krystalshaft
so basically
9:19:58utarrrg
i had said i hear what you said about kushy, that it wasnt enough
9:20:05
ill try to learn from that
9:20:12krystalshaft
I kind of feel like you're not seeing how you can be a true friend to people
9:20:16utarrrg
my intention was to reach out
9:20:21krystalshaft
that's what I wanted to bring to attention
9:20:26utarrrg
i think about her often
9:20:33krystalshaft
saying how are you instead of hi is important
9:20:33utarrrg
and how it is where she is
9:20:41krystalshaft
saying I care about you instead of :wave
9:20:51utarrrg
i cant talk like that krystal
9:20:59krystalshaft
because I'll be honest she told me that was what you said
9:20:59utarrrg
i have too much baggage to come right out and say that
9:21:01krystalshaft
:wave
9:21:13utarrrg
you know what krystal
9:21:17krystalshaft
that hurt her
Dab.Chat: ratdirt has left the room!
Dab.Chat: ratdirt has left the room!
9:21:25
she reached out to me
9:21:29utarrrg
i dont need the gif put back in my face
9:21:33krystalshaft
saying she was hurt and what was up with you?
9:21:38utarrrg
wtf
9:21:40krystalshaft
I'm not trying to be midle man
9:21:45utarrrg
because of a gif
9:21:51krystalshaft
I AM BEING HONEST
9:21:53
WHEN NEEDED
9:21:55utarrrg
my husband and i use gifs back and forth all the time
9:22:08krystalshaft
sometimes it is the right time
9:22:10utarrrg
we use gifs in this chatroom
9:22:13
wtf???
9:22:20krystalshaft
I totally understand but aftersilnce
9:22:23
maybe not a gif
9:22:26utarrrg
silence?
9:22:30
it works both ways
9:22:30krystalshaft
after weeks of silence
9:22:58utarrrg
silence lol
9:23:03
idek what that means
9:23:14
i stopped coming here almost at all so i stopped talking with anyone from here
9:23:38krystalshaft
you know what let me actually say something positive
9:23:48utarrrg
and id like to speak to her directly about this instead of you telling her what we're talking about which i think is already happening
9:23:50krystalshaft
thank you, like I am in no way joking thank you
9:23:59utarrrg
krystal this is awful
9:24:01krystalshaft
thank you for trusting me and being able to allow us to be open and honest
9:24:05utarrrg
i really care for both of you
9:24:09krystalshaft
I am actually really truly happy
9:24:11utarrrg
this is really upsetting
9:24:14krystalshaft
that you can trust me
9:24:17
to talk with me
9:24:23
I'm happy so thank you, I'm not upset
9:24:35utarrrg
im upset
9:24:37krystalshaft
I am very happy you can trust me to tell me this
9:24:45
it means we can grow from it
9:24:47
and be stronger
9:24:53utarrrg
does she know we're talking
9:24:57
can i apologize to her
9:25:06krystalshaft
I apologize that I was a bit rude
9:25:22utarrrg
i felt attacked
9:25:37
didnt have to do the gif so many times
9:25:38krystalshaft
I jsut had no idea
9:25:46utarrrg
no idea what
9:26:12krystalshaft
that my friends were as emotionally susceptable
9:26:16
as myself
9:26:24utarrrg
are you crying
9:26:33krystalshaft
no I'm having a revelation
9:26:36
happiness
9:26:44utarrrg
okay
9:26:47krystalshaft
joy that I can have a bond with strangers
9:26:51
so silly but so real
9:27:06utarrrg
i feel like im being insulted s
9:27:09krystalshaft
it's special to have you as a friend
9:27:22utarrrg
i dont understand this conversation
9:27:24krystalshaft
it's so uncommon you know?
9:27:40
I mean to all your friends and fam do they even know you come here?
9:28:02utarrrg
my husband does and sometimes i point to different people and describe them to him
9:28:17
people i like, im not like "this is blabla theyre mean" i dont focus on that
9:28:29
uhhh my bffl does i brought her to hb a few times.
9:28:33krystalshaft
so the fact that you care about these people on almost a same level
9:28:35utarrrg
im so upset and dont undestand
9:28:47krystalshaft
is special
9:28:58utarrrg
i just came here to smoke
9:29:01krystalshaft
but sep from your actual IRL life
9:29:08utarrrg
does kushy know we're talking about this
9:29:11krystalshaft
no
9:29:22
but she recently told me about it
9:29:29
after I asked her suh wit hou
9:29:36
and after I reached out to you
9:29:37
in snapchat
9:29:39
last week
Dab.Chat: greeney153 has joined the room!
9:30:08utarrrg
i dont really want to hear more about the convo
9:30:19
and i cant believe she showed you the actual gif
9:30:54
can i tell kush you told me
9:31:24krystalshaft
if it makes you feel better
9:31:34utarrrg
it was really hard for me to reach out to her just to say hi krystal
9:31:34krystalshaft
or maybe you could even think of how it makes you feel
9:31:50utarrrg
because i have no idea if peolple actually value talking wiith me
9:31:56
krystal
9:31:58krystalshaft
I jsut told you
9:32:07
I just told you and thanked you
9:32:07utarrrg
i dont need you to tell me how to think or what to feel
9:32:10
im sitting her bawling
9:32:16krystalshaft
for being open with me, for allowing our convos to be honest
9:32:18utarrrg
im going to tell her how i feel
9:32:31
well you attacked me about it and ill remember that ill talk to kush about it
9:33:59krystalshaft
I've never lied to you
9:34:08
I get nothihg out oflying to ppl anymore
9:34:13
(except white lies to my mom)
Dab.Chat: vernon has joined the room!
9:36:07utarrrg
you didnt have to say all the things you said
9:36:09
but wahtever
9:36:14
this convo went better than it could have
9:36:49
cool i pm'd her and she stood up and walked away
9:37:02krystalshaft
I do not regret saying what I said but I apologize for it's crass ass tone even throug chat
9:37:10
she getting a drink refill
9:37:18
she lost a friend last week\
9:37:31utarrrg
ok so bad timing
9:37:50
for context
9:38:01
i sent gif to "in real life" friends like that too
9:38:28
but ill stop trying to defend myself
9:38:42krystalshaft
sometimes when I get a feeling to talk to someone
9:38:46utarrrg
im going to try to get rid of puffy eyes long enough to smoke w the room before bed
9:38:51krystalshaft
I will ask them a question
9:38:55utarrrg
by the way krystal
9:38:58krystalshaft
because sometimes it really feels like an energy
9:39:01
like you need to
9:39:10utarrrg
i hope this doesnt come off as uncaring because listen to the first part of this statement
9:39:32
i listen to people for 5-7 hours a day and hear their deepest everythings
9:39:39
and so when i come to this chat i may seem uncaring
9:39:51
sometimes im just ******* done and thats not ok to be rude or mean
9:39:55
but here we are
9:40:20
what ive noticed
9:40:25
is i feel better when i am not here
9:40:32
so thats why ive stopping coming as much
Dab.Chat: vernon has left the room!
Dab.Chat: vernon has left the room!
9:40:47
i miss the people that arent elsewhere on the internet but i cant ignore that feeling
9:41:23
ok vent over
9:41:31
thanks for coming to my ted talk etc etc
9:42:38krystalshaft
I completely agree with that sentiment
9:43:00
it's imporrtant to be able to wind down, relax, and feel sep from job
Dab.Chat: utarrrg has joined the room!
9:43:18utarrrg
omg this crummy chat
9:43:25
disconnecting reconnecting garbage
9:45:18krystalshaft
it happens to me too
Dab.Chat: skunky420 has joined the room!
9:45:23utarrrg
oh god
9:45:56krystalshaft
see she was just getting comfort
9:46:01
this is good
9:46:30utarrrg
dont think shes read yet
9:47:22
im panicing
Dab.Chat: utarrrg has joined the room!
9:47:48
i think im going to take a pill
9:48:33krystalshaft
I think these last few months have taught me how valuable it is to check in with people you care about
9:48:46
I had a friend who I had no idea had depression
9:48:52
I text him
9:49:18utarrrg
im going to have to leave before she reads it
9:49:23
its nearly 1am here
9:49:38krystalshaft
sleep is important too
9:49:54utarrrg
K woke up at 5 this morning
9:49:59
well yesterday morning
9:50:11krystalshaft
i don't remember what that loks like
9:50:19utarrrg
lol
9:50:33krystalshaft
sun isn't out at 5am
9:50:33utarrrg
you know what was kinda cool
9:50:42
when i was Bfing her i was up all hours of the night
9:50:42krystalshaft
i htink
9:50:43
what
9:50:47utarrrg
ok that part wasnt cool
9:50:50
BUT
9:51:03
i noticed that every single hour overnight, birds chirp
9:51:09
i thought they went to sleeps
9:51:17krystalshaft
there's always one bird lost
9:51:18utarrrg
but every single hour throughout the night id hear chirps
9:51:20krystalshaft
or looking for a lost
9:51:24
same with cats
9:51:29utarrrg
nah it was a chorus
9:51:32krystalshaft
I've ben trying to find a kitten
9:51:42
well I found it
9:51:42utarrrg
good luck so is everyone else lol
9:51:45krystalshaft
I mean rescure
9:51:56
it's a shunned lil bb'
9:52:02
momma don't wanna care for it
9:52:03utarrrg
aw
9:52:12krystalshaft
it's a tiny black kitten
9:52:26
and the dominant strays in this neighborhood are ginger and tabby
9:52:28
so....
9:52:30
um
9:52:32
mom is racist
9:52:55
but I kid you not last 3 nights I've been up trying to catch Middy
9:53:07
(midnight or Mid buds aka not cool)
9:54:16utarrrg
cute
9:54:33
greta
9:54:35
kfhdhbjrdhmfstaysjht
9:55:15krystalshaft
you worry
9:55:24utarrrg
lol
9:55:29
i have a severe anxiety disorder
9:55:30krystalshaft
but when bandaid off
9:55:36
wound healed
9:55:37
it's over
9:55:39utarrrg
my psychiatrist is like "you know its possible for you to not shake"
9:55:48
and im like nahh come on lol
9:56:05
she may not accept apology?
9:58:16
i have to go
9:59:27
either ignoring or didnt read it yet
10:03:09
goodnight krystal