It’s 3am and I’m wiping down the counters at the Gas-Quick. Graveyard shift is dull unless someone tries to hold the place up (at least I got off early that day) or if someone feels the need for a five finger.

It’s raining outside so that helps keep some of the regular ghouls away, all the better for me since the hotdog roller is extra slimy tonight.

I hear the electric doorbell and look over, so much for a quiet night. Short, blue, with green striping on his snout, I haven’t seen this one before, but they’re all alike and they’re never alone. He flashes a toothy grin at me the way they all do, bastards.

I wave back, let him know I’m paying attention, the roller is just going to have to wait.

“You got any Mountain Dew?” He asks.

Of-*******-course we have Mountain Dew, every stop and rob in the country has Mountain-Goddamn-Dew you scaly little…

“Yeah, third cooler on the left.” I say.

The bell chimes again and two more come in, I don’t know either of them either so I can’t just throw them out. One red, one orange. The kobolds smile at me, alarm bells go off in my head and I walk to the front and gaze at the surveillance monitor. 

I can hear their claws clacking against the tiles as they track in mud and rain water, but I long since gave up on trying to enforce the dress code.

Blue goes to the cooler while Red and Orange sit in the candy aisle, so far so good. Blue reaches for a 20 ounce of Code Red, but he puts it back, yeah you aren’t fooling’ anyone.

Red and Orange are picking out candy, Butterfingers, M&Ms, and Life Savers, as if Life Savers could freshen lizard breath. My hand begins to shake a little, it’s only a matter of time.

The bell chimes again and in walks Fat Gary from the construction site, why now?

“Heya Jimmy.” The fat man nods at me and begins waddling towards the restroom. I shoot another look down at the surveillance monitor, they’ve all moved over to the drink coolers.

C’mon you scaly rat bastards, I dare you, I triple—

“Ehh, gimme three packs of Marlboros will ya Jimmy?” Gary says. I didn’t even notice
he’d gotten out of the shitter. I silently curse every kobold on the planet as I turn my back and reach for the cigs.

“Ehh, better make them ultra-lights, I already smoked all the ones ya gave me earlier.”

I suck in the air as I begin placing the smokes back, one spiteful pack at a time. I can hear them snickering; I hate this job so much. I grab three ultra-lights and turn around.

“Oh uhh, hard packs if ya got em’”

I force an agonized grin. Of course, the hard packs. I turn back around, feeling more vulnerable than a newborn gazelle on the Serengeti.

I drop one of the packs on the floor. I swear I can hear the shuffling of cans and wrappers.

“Damn.” I fumble for the smokes, getting more nervous by the minute.

Gary sighs as he waits. “So, Jimmy, how’s yer night been?”

“Oh, could be better, could be worse.” I say and I grab the last pack of smokes and slap them on the counter.

“I hear that.” He chuckles and fishes the cash out of his wallet, meanwhile I look at the monitor. Red and Orange are back in the candy section. Blue must be in the can because I don’t see him.

“Uhh, Jimmy?” Gary is holding out his money to me.

“Oh, sorry.” I ring it up and count out his change. Okay fat boy, you got your cancer sticks, now scram.

He pockets the smokes and nods at me. I’m busy replaying footage. I see those Butterfingers and Life Savers went right down Blue’s stubby little pants. Meanwhile, two cans of ravioli mysteriously made their way into Red’s pack and then air fresheners of all things wind up in Orange’s pockets. I got em’.

Blue steps out of the shitter and meets up with his cohorts, they say something and laugh. Here they come, I’ve got em’.

“Hey mister, slow night?” Blue says as he starts putting the stuff he actually intends to pay for on the counter. Red and Orange do likewise.

“Yeah, hey, you going to pay for Butterfingers and Lifesavers you jammed down your pants?” I ask.

He feigns innocence, but his tail is shifting back and forth, they always do that when they’re trying to lie.

“I watched the footage. The Butterfingers and Life Savers, please.”

They all laugh like it’s a huge joke and he digs them out of his pants. I can hear them saying something in a language I don’t understand.

“And the ravioli and air fresheners while you’re at it.” I say with a smug grin.

They laugh again like this is the funniest joke in the world, God I hate this job and I hate kobolds. I start ringing up the pile and when Orange pipes up.

“Can I get a pack of Kool’s?”

“Gonna need to see some ID.”

Orange huffs. “Oh, forget it.”

Yeah, forget it, you’re lucky I don’t toss you guys out on your tails.

“Twenty-two fifty.” I state. Blue opens his wallet.

“Out of fifty.” I announce, sorry pals, no short change games tonight. I can hear them snicker again. I’m going to be dead of hypertension before I’m thirty at this rate.

I hand them their change and bag it all up for them, they smile at me one last time and head out the door, Blue winks at me

I check the footage again, there’s something missing, I know it. I run over to the candy section. I know they took Butterfingers, Life Savers, and…

I run out of the front door into the pouring rain, screaming like a maniac.

“M&MS! Those damn M&MS! You may have won this time you bastards, but I’ll get you!”

The guy at pump four looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“It’s those kobolds, man! The ******* kobolds!” I say in my defense before stomping back inside. I’ve never seen anyone gas up a car so fast before. Well, forget them, they don’t know my struggle, they don’t know what it’s like.

I go back to the roller, but I’m so pissed I forget to turn it off and my washrag gets snagged in the machine. I hate this job, I hate kobolds, I hate my life!