Crazy Ulrich's Discount Weapon Emporium A warlock in your party has chosen Pact of the Blade! From Pact of the Blade: "You can use your action to create a pact weapon in your empty hand. You can choose the form that this melee weapon takes each time you create it." But why have *the player* choose the form that this melee weapon takes when they can roll on a crazy d100 table like a Wild Magic Sorcerer? Good news! Your player's patron (probably a fiend?) runs a weapons warehouse! ============================ WARNING: This table is clearly first draft, not playtested, obviously homebrewed, wildly unbalanced, incredibly broken, and likely to eventually result in a game-altering outcome, be it your player annihilating your BBEG single-handedly or getting trapped by the Deck Of Many Things. I am not pretending it is anything close to a good idea, or in fact anything other than delightful chaos in a less-serious home game of D&D. That being said, whenever we use it in my campaign, everyone is excited, everyone knows the risks involved, the warlock gets to have a lot more fun, given how kind of weirdly underpowered warlocks can be, and there's only about a 10% chance of something outlandish happening. ============================ Rules (extended from existing rules in PHB): You may shunt these weapons to an extradimensional space as a bonus action in combat. This will destroy any weapon already in the space. You may hand your summoned weapon to someone else, but if you summon a second weapon then the first will disintegrate, unless the weapon is in your extradimensional space. You may summon weapons as many times as you like from Ulrich in combat. Out of combat you may only summon one weapon per long rest. Ulrich knows what's combat and what's not. The first time you summon a weapon in combat is a bonus action. Each subsequent summoning is an action. First-time-bonus-action *is* faster than traditional Pact of the Blade but also (a) normal pact of the blade doesn't summon more than one weapon, (b) imitating the mechanic of Shillelagh is kind of cool: bonus action magic weapon, regular action attack, and (c) pressing your luck in combat for a new weapon should cost more than the supernatural equivalent of drawing your weapon and leaping into the melee. If you want to slow things down, then make every summon an action, or subsequent actions action+bonus. With the two exceptions of a roll of [99] and Hubert (see below), all items summoned disintegrate after 48 hours on the Material Plane, or 96 hours on any other plane. This is both a mechanical method of preserving/resetting balance, and a way to keep the player rolling on the table. Because rolling on a chaotic table of random weapons is fun! Also feel free to break this rule if, you know, you have a good reason or things seem balanced somehow. Name a weapon, roll a d100 (naming a specific weapon is important!) you get: 0-1 = the weapon you name but branded as Ulrich's Quality (see below) 2-3 = the weapon you name but branded as Ulrich's Guaranteed (see below) 4-5 = the weapon you name but branded as Ulrich's Silver (silver weapon that tarnishes to normal weapon after [d6] hits) 6-12 = Roll Again. If this is your second roll, the weapon you name, but branded as Ulrich's Guaranteed 13 = the weapon you name but it comes in upside-down, take half damage because you're holding the blade/the club falls on your foot/you squeeze the trigger accidentally/an arrow pokes you, etc. On subsequent rolls you will be ready for this and you take 1 damage instead. 14 = the weapon you name 15 = Hubert 16 = "We're sorry but all lines are busy. Please hold for an operator." Player may take another action in combat that is either dodge, help, or hide. 17-29 = an weapon that deals the same type of damage as the weapon you requested (bludgeoning, slashing, piercing, ranged) [roll as necessary using second columns] 30-89 = a random weapon 30-44 = bludgeoning [d8] 30-31 = club 1 1d4 light 32-33 = greatclub 2 1d8 two handed 34-35 = light hammer 3 1d4 light, thrown (30/120) 36-37 = mace 4 1d6 38-39 = quarterstaff 5 1d6 versatile (1d8) 40-41 = flail 6 1d8 42-43 = maul 7 2d6 heavy, two-handed 44 = warhammer 8 1d8 versatile (1d10) 45-59 = slashing [d10] 45-46 = handaxe 1 1d6 light, thrown (20/60) 47 = sickle 2 1d4 light 48-49 = battleaxe 3 1d8 versatile (1d10) 50-51 = glaive 4 1d10 heavy, reach, two-handed 52 = greataxe 5 1d12 heavy, two-handed 53 = greatsword 6 2d6 heavy, two-handed 54 = halberd 7 1d10 heavy, reach, two-handed 55-56 = longsword 8 1d8 versatile (1d10) 57-58 = scimitar 9 1d6 finesse, light 59 = whip 10 1d4 finesse, reach 60-74 = piercing [d8, 8 roll again] 60-62 = spear 1 1d6 thrown (20/60), versatile (1d8) 63 = lance 2 1d12 reach, disadv. when not reach, two-handed when not mounted 64-66 = morningstar 3 1d8 67 = pike 4 1d10 heavy, reach, two-handed 68-70 = shortsword 5 1d6 finesse, light 71-73 = trident 6 1d6, thrown (20/60), versatile (1d8) 74 = war pick 7 1d8 75-89 = ranged [d10, 10 roll again] 75-77 = hand crossbow 1 1d6 ammunition (30/120), light, loading, piercing 78-79 = light crossbow 2 1d8 ammunition (80/320), loading, two-handed, piercing 80-81 = heavy crossbow 3 1d10 ammunition (100/400), heavy, loading, two-handed, piercing 82-83 = shortbow 4 1d6 ammunition (80/320), two-handed, piercing 84-85 = longbow 5 1d8 ammunition (150,600), heavy, two-handed, piercing 86 = dart 6 1d4 finesse, thrown (20/60), piercing 87 = sling 7 1d4 ammunition (30/120), bludgeoning 88 = blowgun 8 1 piercing, ammunition (25/100), loading 89 = net 9 thrown (5/15), on hit, Large or smaller creature is restrained until freed, creature is free on DC 10 Strength check or 5 slashing damage against AC 10 90 = a trinket [d100] (somewhere in DMG, must locate) 91 = a vial of acid 92 = bag of 1000 ball bearings 93 = 10 foot pole with a dagger tied to the end of it (stats of a spear, DM can play with how frequently it breaks or whatnot, much fun) 94 = 10 foot pole with Hubert tied to the end of it (stats of a Supremely Vicious spear) 95 = [d3] :: 1) Magic Item Table F, 2) Magic Item Table G 3) Magic Item Table H Magic Item Tables located on DMG 144 96 = Hubert 97 = Roll Again. If this is your second roll, roll a d6: [longsword stats: 1d8 versatile to 1d10] 1: Sun Blade [longsword] (+2 weapon, finesse, bonus action activate/deactivate blade, undead take extra 1d8 damage, emits sunlight 15/15) 2: Sword of Answering - [longsword] I have Last Quip (Tourmaline) or Answerer (Emerald) [CN or CG] but change as suits the player (all are +3 weapon, may "answer" as reaction - 1 melee attack with advantage against creature within range who damaged you. Damage dealt ignores resistance/immunity) 3: Sword of Lifestealing [longsword] (3d6 necrotic bonus on crit, temp HP gained = bonus, not applicable to undead or constructs) 4: Sword of Sharpness [longsword] (this weapon deals max damage, 4d6 slashing bonus on crit, 5% chance to sever a limb on crit, emits low red light on command 10/10) 5: Sword of Wounding [longsword] (once per turn on hit you may "wound". Each "wounded" creature takes 1d4 damage at start of turn each turn for each wound, ended by DC15 CON save or medicine check.) 6: Hubert. 98 = Roll Again. If this is your second roll, Ulrich's Custom Wand Of Wonder (just a Wand of Wonder) Wand of Wonder details are located on DMG 212. This item does not disintegrate after any amount of time, instead disintegrating after all uses are expended. 99 = Roll Again. If this is your second roll, draw a card from the Ulrich's Artisinal Deck Of Many Things (just a Deck Of Many Things). Using the 13 card deck, stacking the deck/forcing a card, or otherwise altering the possibility of your player drawing Donjon or The Void is obviously allowed (you're the DM) but I'm just stating it here to be explicit about it. On the other hand, I use the 22-card deck without forcing cards, but I did sit down with the warlock before the campaign started and was explicit about the dangers. Deck of Many Things details are located on DMG 162. Previously I mentioned that summoned weapons disappear after some time. Deck of Many Things effects don't! You've already broken the game if you're here, just let the player have their keep or their wish spells or their levels or die or whatever. Also if they do hit Donjon/Void, definitely make the warlock roll a new character but you can have the PC teleported to the BBEG's dungeon for discovery later in the campaign. The deck is magic, but you don't need the bad guy to be. He just had a person (or a soul) appear one day in his prisons. Ulrich's Quality: weapon is +1 and upon successful hit, DM rolls a [d4]. On a 4, roll on the following table for a random condition for the hit creature. This condition lasts until the creature passes a save equal to the wielder's spell save DC. Upon inflicting a condition, this weapon disintegrates. [d10] 0-1 = blinded - WIS save 2-3 = frightened - WIS save 4-5 = paralyzed - WIS save 6-7 = poisoned - CON save 8-9 = stunned - CON save Ulrich's Guaranteed: weapon disintegrates after d6 hits Hubert the Vicious Dagger is a Supremely Vicious Weapon (crit on 19, +7 damage on crit) dagger (d4 damage). Both sides of the dagger are sharp, one side is serrated. The blade is straight and approx 7 inches long. He is a polite sentient dagger whose consciousness is consistent across summonings, has an impecable memory and is generally on the side of the party. He will willfully disappear himself after 4 hours on the Material Plane (loses his Viciousness otherwise) but is happy to be summoned. Note some statistical maneuvers here: * ~30% chance you get a weapon with the same type of damage (it's *fun* to have chaotic elements when you're in control, but if you _need_ to cut a rope / smash a door / pick off a ranged target, such chaos can become less fun very fast.) * ~10% chance something non-mundane * <10% chance you get a *version* of the weapon you ask for * somehow only 1% chance that you get specifically the weapon you ask for * Using the roll-again mechanics, odds of session-altering (97), arc/game-altering (98), or game-damaging (99) are each only 1 in 1000. (10% chance of roll again x 1% chance of each buck wild outcome) * Magic Item Table rolls are 1% frequent and the player does not roll on Magic Item Table I (that is, Ulrich may send random uncommon, rare, or very rare items but not random legendary items outside of the specific ones listed. And yes it's possible that the player say "I want a sword" and have a suit of armor get dropped on their head.) * Only a 5-6% chance of something "bad" (nothing/trinket/acid/bag of ball bearings/weapon upside-down plus bad rolls on Magic Item Tables) * * also note a bag of ball bearings is a delightful time in a less-serious campaign where you can treat the floor like a Grease spell and have the enemies go all Benny Hill everywhere Also note that I simply chose the roll distributions for the normal weapons (eg 60, 61, and 62 all are "spear" but only 63 is lance) so if you want to select for different weapons, go for it! Ultimately it's actually *pretty rare* that something wild happens. My warlock maybe only rolls three or four times per session, because I only make it through one or two combats and they came to the table to throw down, not gamble. As you can see, the majority of the table is just a random weapon table. I simply asked my player "how wild do you want your random weapon table" and she said "as wild as you can make it" and I regarded that as tempting fate. Once again as I said at the top: I am not pretending it is anything close to a good idea, or in fact anything other than delightful chaos in a less-serious home game of D&D. Have fun!