Anon gets railroaled into yuri harems
Created: Jan 17th 2021 at 4:48PM
Updated: Jan 20th 2021 at 12:18AM
Actions: 1460
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You are Una, a princess living in the kingdom of Larion. You wake up in a big feather bed and hear clamoring outside your door. A knight rushes in to tell you that your subjects are revolting and the king is dead. The knight begs you to save your kingdom.
 
> You tell knight to follow you.
When you tell the servant to follow you, he asks where.
Sensing that he only meant to accompany you, you tell him not to be afraid and to just follow you.
 
> You examine room.
 
The room is furnished, though not luxuriously so.
 
> You get dressed.
 
You take a shirt, but leave your breeches on the floor.
A knock comes at the door as you finish getting dressed.
Inquisitor Kannish is standing outside.
 
> You order knight to kill inquisitor.
 
The knight is hesitant to kill the inquisitor.
You tell him to forget what you said, and Kannish enters the room.
 
> You order knight to kill kannish NOW.
 
The knight is stirred to kill the inquisitor, but he hesitates again.
Kannish closes the door and walks towards you.
 
> You take knight's sword.
You walk over to the knight and grab his sword.
You hold the sword to his throat, he grabs your arm. The two of you struggle for a moment until you push him onto the floor violently.
 
> You say kannish killed the king.
 
Kannish stands and walks towards you.
He asks if the knight meant to kill him, but when you don't answer he pushes you away and says something about his king.
 
> You kill kannish.
 
You bring the sword down onto Kannish's leg and he falls to the floor holding it. You take your chance and push his sword hand down and then break his wrist with the hilt of your sword.
 
> You finish him.
 
You finish Kannish off.
 
> You call him traitor.
The inquisitor says he will report your actions to the council.
You curse and shout at him and urge him not to do it.
 
> You kill him.
 
You push the sword through his chest and he gasps twice before slumping down on the floor.
 
> You sic semper tirannis.
 
You tell Semper to kill Kannish's assistant who is standing outside the door. Semper grins and walks towards the door while shouting "Death to traitors, freedom for freaks!"
 
> You exit room.
 
You walk out of the room and are confronted by a row of grim faced men.
"You there!" one says "What is going on in there?
 
> You tell them kannish was a traitor to teh king.
 
The men are shocked, but one steps forward and says "We have our orders, I'm sorry."
 
> You give them new orders.
 
One of the men takes a scroll tube from his belt and rolls it open to reveal a series of very old looking writing.
 
> You ignore them and go to throne room.
 
You enter the throne room and walk towards the dais when your way is blocked by a row of soldiers holding spears.
"Halt!
 
> You order tehm to stand down.
 
They are hesitant but comply. One of the men walks around you and approaches the soldiers on your right.
"You there, what is your name?"
"Rold.
 
> You sit in throne.
 
You decide to take a seat in the throne. One of the men suggests that the king should be informed about what happened.
 
> You remind him that the king is dead.
 
One of the men admits that he is, in fact, rather surprised to learn this.
Another man suggests that security be heightened due to the grim situation.
 
> You claim throne as new queen.
 
You sit down in the empty throne and declare yourself the new queen.
All the men are shocked and a bit angry at this.
 
> You your father the king is dead, you are the queen now.
They don't argue with you and follow orders.
The great hall has been cleared of all soldiers and is empty except for you and the men.
 
> You order inquisitor corpse to be thrown to the dogs.
 
The men agree that this is a good idea.
 
> You order knight to aproach you.
 
One knight approaches you.
"What is your name?"
"Rose."
"Rose, you are a good person aren't you?"
"I try to be..."
 
> You look at rose.
 
"You are strange."
"Strange? How?"
"Your gender and apparent youth are both unusual for a knight, though I suppose your face is youthful looking.
 
> You ask rose about subjects.
 
"You are a new knight aren't you?"
"Yes, I am."
"I was the youngest knight ever."
"Really?
 
> You why are your subjects revolting?
 
"The peasants are... well to be honest they're a bunch of idiots."
"Why do you say that?"
"Do you have any idea how much food it takes to make one of these out here?"
 
> You facepalm discretly.
 
"Trust me, I'm from the city. The peasants are a bunch of idiots."
"I see... so what is your point?
 
> You wHY are they revolting?
 
"Because they're peasants."
 
> You tell Rose "that makes no sense"
 
The knight chuckles, a very un-ladylike sound.
"My apologies."
"They're revolting! All of them! The peasants, the soldiers, the king, the nobles!
 
> You tell rose the king cannot be revolting because he has been murdered.
 
The knight looks aghasted.
"What? How can you tell?
 
> You tell her you can tell because the inquisitor killed the king.
 
"Because the inquisitor murdered the king and was standing right in front of me when it happened."
"You cannot be serious!
 
> You tell Rose the Inquisitor killed the King because the King refused to give hoim your hand in marriage.
 
The knight is shocked and angered by this news.
"That... that fiend cannot be trusted! I will have to tell my captain!"
"No, don't."
"But...
 
> You already killed the inquisitor by your own hand when he entered your chambers uninvited.
 
 
> You tell Rose the inquisitor's corpse was thrown to the dogs.
 
"I killed the inquisitor with his own sword when he invaded my chambers. He was only wearing a plain tunic and pants. There was nothing really special about him."
"Hmm, interesting."
 
> You ask Rose why the nobles are also revolting.
 
"Because they're aristocrats."
"That's no reason. I mean some of them are nice, others... well others aren't so nice.
 
> You ask Rose what the nobles want.
 
"Nothing, which is a good thing considering we're in the process of throwing them all out."
"We? Are there other aristocratic families rebelling?
 
> You ask rose if SHE is revolting agaisnt her Queen.
 
"Yes, and l don't care! I'm not going to live my life bowing and scraping to someone who is probably a tyrant herself!"
"I wouldn't say that.
 
> You ask Rose if she thinks you are a tyrant.
 
"Oh yes. To an extent, but what ruler isn't?"
"True.
 
> You ask Rose why she is not revolting.
 
"Because honestly? I'm too scared. I'm sure you've heard the stories of the things that happen to those who oppose the king."
"No. I haven't.
 
> You ask about stories.
 
"Oh... well for one thing it's against the laws to speak ill of the King, so speaking against his actions or policies could land you in jail or even death.
"That's a pretty extreme rule.
 
> You please continue.
 
"But even if you do manage to defy the king, the King has ways of tracking you down and making an example out of you."
"How?
 
> You remind her that the king is dead.
 
"The king is not as omnipotent as he was."
"I see... so why do you continue to rebel?"
Rose lowers her head a bit.
 
> You stand up, then order everyone but Rose to leave the room.
 
"Because I'm still scared. What if they manage to round up everyone who is rebelling? I'd be put to death, most likely."
"Scared of dying?
 
> You check there is nobody but Rose and you in the room.
 
Rose shakes her head "No."
"So why do it? You don't need to be scared of death if you're not afraid of living. You should be free. Be free, Rose."
 
> You tell Rose to follow you, then exit the throne room.
 
You walk forward a bit, before pausing and turning around.
"Rose, come over here."
She obeys, as you speak to her from behind, your hands on her shoulders.
 
> You take Rose to your room.
 
Rose listens without complaint, and you take this as a sign that she's willing to listen.
 
> You close the door.
"Rose, tell me what's wrong."
"There's nothing wrong.
You let out a sigh, then gently push Rose into one of the chairs in front of your desk. "
 
> You ask Rose about revolving.
 
"What about it?"
"How does it make you feel?"
"You're not going to let this go, are you?"
"No.
 
> You ask Rose if she thinks you, the Queen, are a tyrant.
 
"I don't have a preference as to what you believe. I'm just trying to get you to talk to me.
 
> You tell Rose that you ARE talking.
 
Rose smiles, stands up, and walks over to you.
"Thank you." She smiles, before leaning in and kissing you on the cheek.
You blush a dark red. "I don't understand..."
 
> You slap rose.
"Ah! You slapped me!"
"I did."
"What for?"
"You called me a tyrant."
"Oh. Well... I meant it as a compliment."
That was unexpected.
 
> You tell Rose that if you were a tyrant, she would already be dead.
"Why do you say that?
 
> You answer "well, you kissed your Queen"
 
 
> You say "and you called me a tyrant"
 
Rose hangs her head again. "I called out the person I believed to be a tyrant. I'm the one who should be hung for treason."
"For treason? You can't believe that....
 
> You ask Rose why she is revolting.
 
"What do you think?
 
> You say "tell me"
 
The room goes silent.
 
> You say "I see you have no real answers"
 
"No. I don't have any real answers."
"You afraid of what I'll do if you tell me the truth?"
Rose remains silent. You let out a sigh. "Very well."
 
> You telkl her she has royal permission to speak freely.
"It was my idea." You explain, "To rebel against the king. Everyone else I know is dead or scared to do it. So I decided to ask you."
 
> You tell her you can not rebel against MYSELF because you AM the queen.
"Interesting." Rose says, and narrows her eyes.
 
> You order Rose to stand.
Rose complies, but she's not looking at you. Her eyes are focused on the spot between your eyes and your chest.
"You're lucky I like you."
 
> You laugh, then tell her not to push her luck.
"I wasn't going to disobey."
"Hmm." Rose doesn't look convinced, but she stops glaring. "What do you want me to do?"
"I don't know."
 
> You tell Rose she kissed you uninvited before, tell her that is an offence punishable by death, french kiss her, tell her you are now even.
"Did you really have to bring that up?"
"Yes."
Rose shakes her head and looks defeated. "I don't want to die just because of a mistake I made years ago.
 
> You "Years? You did that literally one minute ago!"
"No! I'm talking about before we met!"
"One minute? One minute ago, you were plotting to kill me?
"Yes." Rose looks serious.
"You're joking.
 
> You tell her the whole issue is starting to look like a soap opera and shut her up.
 
Her reaction is not one of an attack, but rather nervousness, fear, and submission.
 
> You "are you still conspiring against me?"
"No."
The word is barely out of her mouth when your heads bumps together.
 
> You tell her not to try to kill you agaion, ever, ever, ever.
"Never again?"
"Never again."
You sit down at the desk and take a deep breath, trying to prepare for your next decision.
"So... You like my power?
 
> You order Rose the knight to kneel in front of her Queen.
Rose nods nervously.
"K-keep your voice down."
"Yes, my queen."
You look at Rose. She has that deer in the headlights expression again, and it's making you angry.
 
> You ask Rose to renew her oath of loyalty to the kingdom.
"Do it." You say.
Rose reads the line from the parchment.
 
> You "now you are MY personal knight, Rose"
"Yes, my queen."
"You'll follow all my orders as if were your own, correct?"
"Say it.
 
> You say "follow me", then go to the place where the king's body was found.
"As you order." Rose says, standing up.
The two of you stand up and begin to walk out of the throne room. You stop at the entrance to the royal gardens, where your guards are stationed.
 
> You ask the guards where the king's bopdy was found.
"The king's body was found in the garden, my queen." One guard says.
"How did it die?"
"He was strangled to death, my queen."
You sigh.
 
> You ask where the body is.
"The body is in the garden, my queen." The guard says.
 
> You order them to take you to the body.
The guards nod, and begin leading you to the garden.
When you arrive at the location, the body is laid out on a table. You look down at the face of your father for the first time in years.
 
> You kneel and hold his hand.
Your eyes begin to water as you hold the lifeless hand of your father, who you haven't seen in over five years.
 
> You stand up and order silence.
You stare out at the crowd, your eyes filling with tears.
 
> You yell "Father, you weren' the best King nor the best father, but neither did you deserve to be slain by a traitor. We, Queen Una, so swear we shall avenge your death and take your crown with honor"
The crowd gasps, and begins to whisper loudly among themselves.
You stare out at them all, as you think about your next words.
 
> You order Rose and the guards to take the King's body to the chapel and order Rose to stand honor guard over the body.
Rose nods and begins to lead your guards to carry out your orders.
You stare down at the face, the face that will always remind you of your mother's death.
"I will never surrender my crown."
 
> You go to the throne room.
You stand in the middle of the throne room, and stare at the empty seat of your throne.
It's times like this you wish you had a second pair of hands.
Then, you see her.
 
> You look at her.
 
A woman, dressed in royal clothing, with long black hair and a svelk traits. She looks to be human, but you couldn't tell.
 
> You sit on throne and look at woman.
She stares back, unblinking, as the room goes deadly silent.
"Who is this?" You ask, extending your hand.
"My name is Helena." She says, extending her own hand.
 
> You look at helena.
 
She stares at you in the eyes as you stare into her eyes.
"A fascinating race, your kind." You say.
"That's one way to look at it." Helena replies.
 
> You look at svelk.
 
Svelk are an Asiatic race of tall, thin humanoids. They have black skin, with yellow or white markings like the letter "V" running down their face, the chest and the back.
 
> You summon the royal Chamberlain.
 
The royal chambeirlain enters, followed by the royal physician.
"The king?" The physician asks. "Is he dead?"
"Yes, he's dead." You reply.
 
> You order the chamberlain to summon the court.
 
"I need all capable people to come to the throne room. Now." You say.
The royal chambeirlain nods, and begins to leave.
"I'm sorry for your loss..."
 
> You ask Helena what she is here for.
"I'm here to see you." She says.
"To see me? Why?"
"We... need you to lead the kingdom."
"What do you mean?
 
> You order teh guards to throw Helena out.
"Why?" She asks, taken aback.
"I'm in charge." You say.
"But...
 
> You order the guards to arrest Helena if she doesn't leave the room.
"Why?" Helena asks again, as the guards pick her up and carry her out of the room.
"I'm in charge." You reply.
 
> You yell "anybody else trying to railroad me?"
"What?"
"Helena just tried to railroad me!" You reply.
"It's OK. We can deal with her later.
 
> You call for the captain of teh guard.
"I need the captain of the guard."
"Yes sir?" The guard asks.
"What's the situation in the city?"
"The guards have control of the city, sir.
 
> You "good. There's a svelk woman called Helena under arrest. Interrogate her and find out who she is working for"
"Yes sir."
"Please god no." You mutter underneath your breath.
The captain of the guard leaves, and you sit down on your throne in the throne room.
 
> You wait for court meeting to start.
As you sit on your throne, waiting for the court to start, you get a message from Heather.
 
>You who is Heather
Heather is a beautiful, young human girl. She has been your asistant, best friend and physician since you were a litle girl, and is one of the few persons to know about your condition.
 
> You read it.
The message simply says "You shouldn't trust her. It'll be better if you have her killed."
 
> You throw message away.
 
As you wait for court to start, you see two people walk into the throne room. One of them you recognize as T'***, a mage with connections to the usksha. The other one is a human man, who you don't recognize.
"What are you doing here?" You demand.
"I'm here to see you." The stranger says. "Who are you?
 
> You summon guard captain.
The captain of the guard walks in.
"Who are you?" You ask.
"I'm Captain Argor, Royal Guard." The man says. "What brings you here?
 
> You point at the two men and order him to throw them out.
"Those guys are mages." You say. "I've had reports of strange occurrences in the city, and I want them investigated."
"Yes sir." The captain of the guard says.
 
> You order that no-one is no longer to enter the throne room without an appointment - this is not a bloody marketplace.
"What the hell?" You ask.
"Why?" The captain of the guard asks.
"I'm in charge." You reply. "There needs to be some sort of order."
"Yes, sir."
 
> You say "also, I'm tired of people coming here to try and tell me what to do as if I was a weak princess. I AM THE QUEEN NOW".
"Of course, Your Majesty."
"Good." You say, before turning to your advisor
.
 
> You call all advisors at once.
There is a knock on the door, and your advisor enters. You have not yet called everyone.
"Sorry Your Majesty, I had something to discuss with Tom!" Heather says happily.
"Oh. Right."
 
> You say "Heather, we are not amused. We have ordered nobody to enter without an appointment, an that includes you".
"Ok!" Heather says. "What is going on?"
 
> You tell Heather "You are now given an appointment to talk to me. Now".
"Got it."
Heather stands up, looking a bit scared.
"Um, are you OK?"
 
> You say "Heather, my father has been murdered in the garden, I've killed the Inquisitor in my bedchamber with his own sword, I have taken the throne despite being a teenager princess, I've had an argument with my own knights that wished to rebel against me, I've swore revenge for my father, I've sent to prison a Skeld woman that tried to boss me as soon as I put my royal butt on the throne, and this throne room seems a goddam marketplace with people believing I'm still a naive 16 years old princess instead of the new Queen. Of course I am not OK. "
"I'm sorry, it's just so much, I had no idea..."
 
> You ask Heather, "You sent me a message telling me I shouldn't trust her and I should have her killed. Who are you talking about?"
"Helena." Heather says. "You can't trust her. She's a spy working for the Felians.
 
> You ask about proof.
"I..." Heather says, before being interrupted by the person waiting in the throne room.
"Hello, I'm Rissok, head of the royal guard."
 
> You say "you are a liar. Captain Argor is head of the Royal Guard. Guards, kill the impostor"
As the guard seem to move, you realize there is a difference between how a guard would react to a threat and how an average person would react. Then again, it's not like you gave them much of a choice.
 
> You order the impostor's body to be removed from the throne room.
The guard seem to look confused for a moment. With the removal of the body, the room goes back to its usual state of order and tranquility.
"Why are you removing the body?" Captain Argor asks.
 
> You say "it is distracting", and ask again Heather about proof.
"Is there any reason I should believe you?" You ask.
"Yes." Heather says. "The Felians would kill me if you didn't."
"Well, that sure is reassuring..."
"You can read minds, not hearts." Heather remarks.
"I can read both." You say. "Now prove you're not a Felian spy. What's the proof? I need more evidence."
"Alright, but just listen, and don'tesarbe! We found some papers in her apartment that prove she's an informant."
 
> You tell Heather to show you those papers.
There is a moment of silence, before Heather shows you a small stack of papers.
 
> You read the papers silently.
The papers seem to be steps taken by the Felians to start a war with the Empire. There are plans for a assassination of the Emperor, and more plans for sabotage during the invasion. All very useful, but... hmmm... wait a minute...
It's very important that you don't show too much emotion, since this might be very dangerous. Still, you've had your doubts about her for quite some time now.
Although Argor seems to be genuinely confused, he's anything but. He's a soldier through and through and has always known about the plan. Of course he's going to go along with it.
Even if he's genuinely honest, you know that a war with the Felkan Kingdom is not what the people want. There are also other factors to consider, such as the invasion of the Torites. You can't really afford to waste any more soldiers at this time.
But if Heather is telling the truth...
"What do you think?" Heather asks.
 
> You say "this is not the time for wars"
"This is not the time for wars." You say.
 
> You ask Argor about Helena's interrogation.
"I was wondering... Did she show any signs of treachery?"
"No, I don't believe so."
"OK then."
 
> You ask if they learned who she was working for.
"No."
"Hmm, well I need to find out who she was working for, and what their plans are. We can't risk going to war due to an undercover agent.
 
> You order Helena to be brought to your presence, chained and well guarded.
The guard nod, and begin to stand up.
"No, not like that!" You exclaim. "Bring her here, in the throne room."
"Oh, OK then."
Soon, a group of ten soldiers enter the room, carrying Helena. She's shackled, and looking very defeated.
 
> You order Helena to stand in front of me; look at helena.
Helena stands in front of you, looking very tired. She doesn't look like she's trying to resist anymore; she just wants it all to end.
 
> You ask Argor if she has been tortured or just interrogated normally.
"Confiscated items, questioned roughly. Nothing else."
"OK then."
"You're not going to torture her?" Heather asks.
 
> You say "no", then look at Helena, then say "I am not my father"
You decide not to, then nod at Heather.
 
> You order Argor to go guard the king's body and summon Rose.
"Just guard him, don't do anything else."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure. Oh, and tell Rose that I want to see her here as soon as she comes."
 
> You wait for Rose to arrive.
You stand, as does Heather.
"One last thing, I know you're fairly new to all this, but... Don't stare at her chest!" You giggle.
Heather and you both laugh, then you wait in throne room.
Soon, Rose walks in, her purple hair flowing in the wind.
 
> You order Rose, Heather and the guards to come with you and bring Helena along.
You walk over to Helena, who looks up at you.
 
> You take everyone to your private chambers' door.
Your four guards stand outside the door, as do Heather and Rose.
 
> You order the guards to stand guard outside; order Heather and Rose to take Helena inside your room and stay with you.
"Just stay close, OK?" You say, to all of them.
Heather nods, while Rose embarks on another rant about how you're a bad leader.
 
> You say "oh, shut up" and lock the door.
You turn to look at Helena, whose hands are still shackled to a chain Rose is holding.
"So, what'll it be? A deal's a deal, after all."
 
> You tell Heather to make sure the door is locked, tell Rose to free Helena and order Helena to sit down in a chair.
Heather nods, and Rose begins releasing the chain from the metal rings it's attached to. You walk over to the metal chair and motion Helena to sit in it.
 
> You ask Helena if she realizes how is her situation right now.
She nods, and sighs deeply.
"So... What do you want?"
 
> You look at Heather, look at Helena, look at Rose, look at yourself.
 
"Damn, I'm good." You say.
Heather nods, and Rose immediately begins arguing with you.
 
> You look at Rose.
 
You look at Rose, and notice her purple hair. You notice her black shirt, with the top two buttons missing.
 
> You look at Heather.
 
Heather is wearing a red dress, with black leggings and boots, and her hair is in pigtails. You realize her dress is also missing two buttons.
 
> You look at Helena.
 
You realize you haven't looked at Helena since your initial examination. You realize that she's pretty, though you're a little disappointed that she isn't as beautiful as Rose.
 
Rose is talking to Heather, and seems happy with his decision to help her.
 
> You sit down and tell Rose and Heather to also sit down.
You sit down and tell Rose and Heather to do likewise. Then, you look at yourself.
 
>You remove the ostentatious state robes that cover your everyday clothes and get ready for a long talk
"So..." You begin, before realizing that you've said too much.
"What?" Rose says.
 
> You tell Helena you are not gonna torture and kill her even if she doesn't cooperate, but you need to know the truth.
You raise an eyebrow, noticing that Helena has already begun to cry.
 
"Please... Just tell me the truth." You say.
"The truth?" She asks.
 
> You are you really a spy?
"Yes! Yes, I am!" She says.
"Then why did you lie to me?" You ask.
"Because..." She starts to sob, and then continues crying until she falls silent again.
"I'm sorry..." You say.
"It's ok... It's ok..." She replies.
"No, it isn't." You reply.
 
> You remind Helena she said "we want you to rule the kingdom" and demand to know who sent her to say that.
"We know who sent you!" You say. "Who is it?! Tell me now!"
"It's..." She begins to weep again, and you realize she is actually telling the truth, and your heart sinks.
"What?! It's who?" You ask angrily.
"My... My family." She replies.
"At least you know who the hell you're supposed to be, heir to the throne!" Rose says.
You stand up angrily and slam your fists on the table, making a loud crashing noise.
"That's enough! Enough!" You say. 
"But..." Rose says.
"Shut up!" You insist.
 
> You order Helena to explain why a Svelk family would want you to sit in the throne, and remind her that the throne is yours no matter if they want it or not.
"They... They're just scared. They're just scared of what you'll do if I sit on the throne, that's all." Helena explains.
 
> You ask "scared of what? Be clear, for my patience is growing thin!"
 
"Of you." She says.
 
> You say "they should". You say "I have seen the papers proving that your family is conspiring with the Felians to start a war. I shall not be a puppet."
"Oh yes, we're going to war." Rose says.
"I will not allow it!" You shout.
"Well, you'll see soon enough." Rose smiles.
 
> You slam fist on the table: "WE won't allow this. And this is not just a royal we"
You slam your hand on the table, causing Rose to laugh.
"Is that so? Well, you can stop worrying about us."
"Yeah! We won't let them win!" Rose shouts.
 
> You say "all the women in this room have something in common".
You open your mouth to speak, but can't think of what to say.
"What do we have in common?" Rose asks.
"Uh... The.. The...
 
> You say "Rose, you admited you were conspiring against your ruler, yet instead of having you killed I had you renew your oath as my personal knight."
"Oh... Yeah! That.
 
> You say "Heather, you disobeyed a royal command and entered the throne room uninvited during an alert, yet instead of having you arrested, I heard you anyways."
"Oh, yeah. That."
"And Helena..."
"Yeah?" she asks, looking at you nervously.
 
> You say "Helena, you conspired to commit treason against my kingdom, yet instead of torturing you, I am simply interrogating you and have granted you a pardon for your life. Do all three of you understand? I am not a monster, and all three of you owe me your asses".
"Well, uh..." Rose says.
"Yes!" you exclaim.
"Uh huh." Heather says, nodding her head.
"Yes! I understand!" Helena says.
"Understand this then,"
 
> You say "We, the Queen, are stopping this war before it starts. You, as in all of you, are going to help me stop it. You are going to do EXACTLY what I order you from now on until this crisis is over. And we, the four of us, are gonna stop having secrets to each other from now on".
"Yes, sir." They all say.
 
> You say "First secret shared, Rose kissed me and I didn't have her killed for that, but kissed her back instead"
You begin to smile.
"So, you're saying I'm allowed to kiss you?" Rose asks.
"Yes, because I love you too much to kill you." You reply.
You grab Rose by the hand and pull her close to you.
"I'm sorry for everything I've done to you." You whisper into her ear.
"For everything?" Rose asks incredulously.
 
 
> You say "my father reigned through violence and fear. I want to reign through love"
You pull away and look down at Rose.
"My father ruled through violence and fear. He used fear to keep people obedient. I want to rule through love."
"Will you be able to do it?" Rose asks.
"Of course, Rose."
 
 
> You group-hug Rose and Heather.
You hold Rose and Heather together while they embrace each other. The two of them look at you with happiness in their eyes.
 
"Your Majesty, I...I love you!" Rose says.
 
> You look at Helena.
 
You look at Helena, who is looking at you with a serious expression. You stare at her for several minutes, before she finally speaks.
"The queen loves everyone." She says quietly.
 
> You say "Yes, I can love everyone, but only if they love me back. I will NOT force anyone to love me"
You nod slowly.
 
 
> You look at room.
 
The room has been decorated with red velvet curtains, a large bed, a nightstand with candles and some jewelry. There is even an ornate mirror hanging over the bed.
 
> You sit on bed.
You sit on the bed and look at yourself in the mirror.
 
"Wow, this really is you." You say.
"It sure is." Rose agrees.
 
> You tell Rose to take off her armor.
You tell Rose that she should remove her armor.
"Okay, okay, I'll get rid of mine." Rose replies.
She begins removing her armor piece by piece until she is completely *****.
 
> You "were you ***** under your armor?"
You ask Rose if she was ***** underneath her armor.
"Well, yes." She admits.
"Then why were you wearing it?" You ask.
"Because..." Rose starts to explain, but stops herself.
"Oh come on! What is there to hide?" You say.
"I don't know." Rose says.
"That's not what I mean!" You protest.
"No, I suppose it isn't." Rose says.
 
> You say "Look, Rose, I only wanted you to get comfortable for the long discusion we have in front of us, didn't want to initiate an orgy!"
"I know what you meant, but..." Rose says. "You didn't."
Rose looks down to the ground for a moment, and then speaks again.
"I... It's nothing." She says.
"Well, tell me if it isn't something!" You exclaim.
"It is something, it's just not as bad as you think. I ****** up alright, and I've been running from it ever since it happened. But now I want to face it, and change it, because it's destroying me." Rose explains.
 
> You yell through the door to the guards outside to summon the maid.
You shout out to the guards outside. "Maid! Bring me a maid immediately!"
 
They quickly run off and return with a pretty young girl who looks about your age.
 
> You tell the maid to bring you a proper set of padded clothes to wear under armor.
The maid returns with the clothes. She places them on the table next to you.
 
"Here you go, Your Majesty." The maid says. "Would you like me to bring more?"
 
> You say "No, but tell me your name"
"My name is Rose, Your Majesty."
 
"Well, that's nice," you reply. "Thank you."
The maid heads back to her post and leaves you alone with the two new things.
 
> You laugh and ask Rose the knight if she has any relationship with Rose the maid.
"Not that I know of," Rose says, laughing. "How could I have a relationship with my own maid? We've never even met."
 
 
> You tell Rose to put some clothes.
"Okay, I think that's enough streaking for today," Rose says. "What did you want to wear?"
"Well, I thought about what you wanted to wear...
 
> You tell Rose to be sure to wear undergarments and regular clothing under her armor.
"Okay, fine," Rose says. "But what else?"
 
> You "your armor"
"Your armor," Rose says. "What does that mean?"
"Well, it means I want you to wear something underneath your armor."
Rose blushes.
 
> You put your state robes on.
You put your state clothes on and walk over to Rose. As you do so, you notice that she has changed her mind about putting on some underwear. She looks around and sees nothing but panties underneath her armor.
 
> You tell Rose you are not joking around and ORDER her to wear proper clothes under her armor.
You turn to Rose and say: "I am not kidding around with this request, because you will have to put on at least some underwear under your armor."
Rose looks surprised.
 
> You wait for Rose to obey.
You wait patiently until Rose obeys.
The two of you are in a very compromising position, when you hear someone knocking at the door.
 
> You double check that the door is locked.
You immediately double check that the door is locked.
"Who could be here?" You ask.
"My brother, he came to see you." Rose answers.
"Rose, do NOT open the door." You shout.
"But I'm sorry, I won't let him in." Rose protests.
"Shut up! He doesn't need to see you *****!" You yell.
"Fine, fine."
 
> You get up from the table, walk to the door, ask Rose's brother what's so urgent he needs to bother the Queen in her bedchamber while interrogating a prisoner.
"Your sister is pregnant."
 
(for reference, my character is a 16-old princess, older of the royal family, thrown to the throne because of the murder of the king)
 
> You say "Are you saying my 12-old sister is... PREGNANT??? For ****'s shake!"
"Yes, and you need to do something about it."
"Wait, what? I thought you said she was a virgin when our father brought her here." You reply.
"Well, she was.
 
> You ask Rose's brother his name and rank.
"Name is Robert, I am a Knight-Commander of the Royal Army."
"Rank is Captain of the 1st Company, 2nd Battalion."
 
> You say "Well, Sir Robert, go back and make sure my young sister's pregnacy remains secret. Do not do anything rash, but make her tutor know that we are MOST displeased and we WILL be having a chat in which long, detailed explanations will be requested. Go".
You wait for him to leave and lock the door again.
"So what now?" Rose asks.
 
> You tell Rose if she wants to be spanked.
Rose grunts and sighs once more.
"Fine, fine! But only when I feel like it!" She says.
 
> You say "oh, shut up"
Rose blushes.
"Alright, alright, I'm getting dressed," Rose says. "I don't really like wearing dresses anyway."
"Well whatever suits you," Heather replies.
"Okay then,"
 
 
> You ask Helena if you will need to chain her again or if she gives her word not to try to run away; tell Helena you very much would prefer she no longer being a prisoner but an ally.
"No, I won't try to run away," Helena replies. "I'm sorry."
"Okay," you say. "That will be all for now."
"Yes, let's go then,"
 
> You summon the guards and have them escort the four of you to your throne room.
The guards lead you to your throne room where they lock the doors behind you. 
 
> You summon the whole court.
You call upon the entire court to come to your palace. Most of them comply and you find yourself surrounded by a group of beautiful women in their late teens and early twenties.
 
> You yell "what's thhis, a ******* shouho manga? Get those trollops outta here and bring the advisors!"
You raise your hands as you shout at the crowd.
 
"This is a serious matter! We must act now!"
They all look confused and even a little scared.
 
> You summon the whole court. Again.
You summon everyone back to your palace. They are shocked to see you, but obediently follow orders.
 
You order the guards to take the trolls outside and throw them into the river.
 
> You order the guards to take mandatory course of the difference betwen "troll" and "trollop" and order Rose to rescue all the girls from the river while you facepalm two-handedly.
Rose immediately runs off after telling her guards to save all the girls from drowning. The guards obey your command without question.
 
> You wait for Rose to return with the river-soaked girls.
You wait patiently for Rose to return with the girls. When she returns, you give the guards a stern lecture on how to treat people properly.
 
"So, what happened?" one of the courtiers asks.
 
> You "Besides my moronic guards throwing all the beautiful women to the river, you mean?"
"Oh yes, I suppose you're going to be explaining everything to me later," you reply.
"Very well," he says.
"Now then, we should probably get down to business."
 
> You "I have summoned you here because my father, the King, has been murdered today by Inquisitor Kannish. Kannish wanted my hand in marriage, and murdered my father with a stragling rope when he refused. He then tried to blame a peasant revolt for it. I then killed the traitor by my own hand, with his own sword, when he enteren my bedchambers uninvited, and had his corpse thrown to the dogs. I, Queen Una, have been forced to take the crown for myself. A formal coronation will take place as soon as possible. We are displeased to say that a number of spies and traitors have mistaken my youth with weakness; two of them have been thrown and banned from palace, another has been executed, and a Felian spy has been captured with documents that prove they wished to use me as a puppet in their plans to assessinate the Emperor and invade us. Let it be know that we shall not tolerate any more such nonsense. We have spoken."
You end your speech there, feeling satisfied with it. The throne room applauds for a few minutes, cheering and celebrating. You feel like you have saved your kingdom from an invasion by the Felians. You wave to them to quiet down and listen as the advisor addresses you.
"Well done, Your Majesty," he says.
 
> You order Rose to approach the throne.
Rose stands up and walks towards the throne. She kneels in front of you. She looks very nervous about this meeting, which makes you uncomfortable.
 
"What do you want?" she asks nervously.
 
> You say "Lady Rose, youngest of the Royal Knights, you were the first to inform me of the rebels' motivations and the first one to renew your oath of loyalty to me. You then helped me uncover the henious Felian plot by helping us uncover their spy. You have already proved your worth and loyalty to the throne. Rise up, Captain Rose"
"Yes, my Queen" she responds.
The advisor looks on awkwardly as you both exchange a nod with each other. You then turn your attention to the advisor.
 
> You rose is now a captain.
You tell Rose to rise up and address the advisors.
 
> You order heather to approach the throne.
Heather approaches the throne. She sits down and bows deeply before addressing you.
"Your Majesty, I am sorry for my actions last night. It was wrong of me to betray your trust in such a way."
 
> You whisper to heather "do not worry"
You whisper to Heather "don't worry". You then look at Rose who is still sitting quietly.
 
> You say "Heather, you were one of my first advisors since I was a young princess, and were one of the first to advise me as a Queen. You brought to my atention proof of the Felian conspiration, helping us uncover their spy. You have already proved your worth and loyalty to the throne. Rise up, First Advisor Heather". Proclaim Heather is now your most trusted advisor.
The advisor turns bright red and is about to thank you profusely when you tell her not to bother. Heather stands up and gives you a nod and a smile.
"Thank you, my Queen"
 
> You order Rose to stand behind you and order Heather to sit to your left.
Rose stands behind you and Heather sits to your left.
 
 
> You order Helena to approach the throne.
Helena approaches the throne. She sits down and bows deeply before addressing you.
"My Queen, I am sorry for my actions last night. It was wrong of me to betray your trust in such a way."
You whisper to Helena "Don't worry".
 
> You say "Helena, the actions and reasons why we must thank you will have to remain private betwen you and me for the time being. But you are free. You are not ordered to stay. But we would love if you were to do so on your own free will and swear loyalty to our crown".
Helena nods and smiles.
"Of course, my Queen"
She rises up and begins to bow again.
 
"I'm glad you understand. Now, let's get back to business..."
 
> You ask Helena if she will swear loyalty to the crown.
You ask Helena if she will swear loyalty to the crown.
"I...will be sworn to serve you, my Queen"
You reply.
 
> You say "and we do accept your loyalty, Helena. Rise up".
You order Helena to rise up and address the advisors.
 
> You summon captain Argor.
You call out to captain Argor. He comes forward and bows deeply before addressing you.
 
> You ask Argor what does he know of the Felian conspiration.
You ask Argor what did he know of the Felian conspirators.
"The captain here knows what he's talking about, my queen" the advisor says.
 
> You tell Argor his name was mentioned in the documents Heather found.
You tell Argor his name was on one of the documents Heather found.
"Yes, we know" you reply. "Tell us about this conspiracy".
Agor seems to tense for a moment, then replies.
"The captain here knows what he's talking about, my queen" the advisor says.
"I want to hear him out" you reply.
"Very well, my queen" he replies.
Agor takes a moment to gather his thoughts.
"The conspiration in question was planning on taking over the nation. They had allies from the shadows too. We think they may have been doppelgangers."
"What is a doppelganger?" you ask.
"It's a creature that mimics another being. Here" he takes of his helmet and holds it out to you. "Look at me".
You look at the captain and see a face that seems to be the perfect replica of you.
 
> You ask where the real Argor is.
"The real captain is in my personal carriage. I'll bring him out if you want to see him" the advisor says.
You nod and tell him "Yes, show me where he is".
 
> You order the guards to rescue the real ARgor and put the doppleganger under arrest.
The guards nod and leave quickly.
"I didn't know about a conspiration!" the doppleganger says.
 
> You say "if you don't know about the conspiration that you just revealked yourself, I am the Pope of Rome"
"If you think I am the one who conspired against you, you are sadly mistaken! I am but a faithful servant of the Pope!"
 
> You say "I was being sarcastic, and you can not be THAT stupid"
"Oh" he replies, taken aback. "In that case, you have the advantage over me. Still, I will obey your command, my queen. I will go and get the true captain to show you"
 
> You sigh and say "yes, please do"
The advisor nods, and leaves, quickly.
You wait patiently, your guard surrounding you.
The doppelganger approaches, and stops, a confused look on his face.
"What?" he asks.
"I command you to bring forth the captain."
"But I have already brought him out. You saw me do it"
The doppelganger begins to sweat nervously.
 
> You "oh, for ****'s sake..."
"Please, do it!" the advisor urges. "Quickly!"
The doppelganger throws his head back and laughs uproariously.
"Do you really not know who I am?"
"Should I know you? You are but a puppet, sent to do my bidding by the real captain"
"I am the captain! YOUR king!"
 
> You order this buffon to be taken to a cell before he spouts more stupidity.
The advisor nods, and the two guards take him away.
You wait patiently for a while, but eventually they return, dragging a young man with them. The man has a shaved head and wears a simple robe.
 
> You ask "and what's today episode of Freakshow?"
"That was the doppelganger. Don't you see? The man they call the captain is really a puppet, put here by the Felians!"
"Hmm... interesting" You reply.
 
> You "so let get this straight: the doppelganger that had the form of Captain Argor, the one I specifically ordered you to throw into a cell, changes back into a clone of Krilin, and you see fit to take him from the cell to show me the spectacle and remind us of what we already knew, instead of throwing him into a cell and throw the key away as you were instructed. Is that all, or have I forgot anything?" then "THROW THE ******* 'GANGER INTO THE ******* CELL AND GET AWAY FROM MY PRESENCE BEFORE I PERMANENTLY DESTINE YOU TO MANURE SHOVELING DUTY!" then sigh and facepalm.
The advisor and the guards are startled by your rage.
"Sorry, I get a little upset when my orders are disobeyed" You apologize.
 
> You say "now obbey. NOW"
"Yes, my queen" the advisor replies.
The advisor departs, and you turn to the guards.
"Put that doppelganger in the cell as I ordered" you command.
 
> You say "and both of you are degraded one rank"
The guards comply, and the doppelganger is thrown into his cell.
 
Your friends and you stand there for a moment, looking at each other. Then you all smile.
"Well done, my queen."
 
> You wait for the true captain Argor to be rescued.
You wait patiently for a few minutes, watching the guards come and go. Finally, you hear a knock on the door.
 
"Come in!" You shout.
A short time later, a guard enters the throne room where you are waiting for the real captain. He looks tired, and is wearing a heavy coat over his clothes. His eyes are red and puffy from crying earlier.
 
> You say aloud "At ease, captain Argor. We know this has not been your fault. Rest for a few hours", and then wisper softly in his ear "and then you can write your report of how you managed to get yourself captured by the stupidest 'ganger in the seven kingdoms". "You are dismissed"
Argor walks past you and down the hallways. You watch him leave, and sigh.
 
"So much for being clever" You think to yourself as you walk along.
 
> You tell Rose to bring all the group of beautiful women in their late teens and early twenties that she rescued from drowning in the river to your chambers.
You instruct Rose to bring all the women that she rescued to your chambers. She complies immediately, and you spend some time with them. They are very pretty, but you notice something else about them.
They are all *****.
It occurs to you that the reason why they were saved was because of their beauty, not any sort of magical ability.
 
> You ask "Rose, any particular reason all these young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, are ***** in my rooms? My life is already too close to a Monty Python joke to also have to deal with Castle Anthrax references".
Rose understands your allusion, and laughs.
"Apologies, my queen. You are correct. I shall have the girls clothed immediately."
 
> You summon Heather and Helena.
"Ah, you have finally decided to grace me with your presence. I have been waiting here for nearly an hour." You say.
Helena and Heather enter the room, and stand by your sides.
 
> You check all the women for dopplegangers.
You look at all of the girls, but you don't see any.
"No doppelgangers." You announce.
"Indeed, you're safe my queen." Heather says.
 
> You say "as safe as I can be in this circus that my father called a royal court"
The women of the court deserve something better than what they have here. Royalty is supposed to be better than this. If not, why have one at all? If you could change things, you'd make them better.
 
> You ask the court girls what was exactly their role in court.
"Do you know what your job was, ladies of the court?" You ask.
The ladies of the court look at each other, before one speaks up.
"We were expected to provide physical release for our... king." She says nervously.
"Why did you do that?"
"Because he was our leader, and we had no other choice.
 
> You announce that such shall no longer be needed in MY court.
The ladies of the court are relieved, and begin to thank you. 
 
> You say "I have not forced myself upon my followers, I have not forced myself upon my prisoners, I have not forced myself upon the servicemaids, and I shall certainly NOT force myself upon the ladies of the court". Whisper in Rose's ear "Besides, so many would kill me from exhaustion"
Rose looks worried.
"My queen, if you release the ladies from their forced duties, they could rebel." Rose says.
 
> You ask "Rose, are you sure you are NOT a gederflipped frat boy?"
"I am not a gederfliced frat boy!
 
> You say "then do not act like one. It is my command that the ladies are to be released from their forced duties. They are to be given tasks in the court more fitting to their status and personal dignity."
Rose nods nervously.
"Thank you, my queen. It is an order that I shall see carried out."
You nod back, and tell the rest of your servants to leave you alone with your three advisors and the ladies of the court.
 
> You tell the ladies of the court to give you their names.
The ladies comply, and you write each one down in your pocket bible.
"As soon as possible, I shall decide upon suitable tasks for you all."
 
> You dismish the ladies of the court.
You wave your hand, and the ladies disappear from your room. You've done enough work today, and with so many people wanting to speak to you all the time, you're going to enjoy this quiet time alone with Rose, Heather and Helena.
 
> You ask Heather about other races.
"What do you know of the hobgoblin and orcish races, Heather?" You ask.
"I know that they have camps around the forest, my queen. I've never traveled too close to them, but if we want to expand our influence then we should ally with them." Heather says.
 
> You ask Heather about elves and dwarves.
"What do you know of the elven and dwarven races, Heather?" You ask.
"Very little. I've never had too much contact with either." Heather answers.
 
> You say "Helena, you are a svelk. What can you tell you about your race?
"That we are very arrogant. We think ourselves as the only ones worthy of rule. We're also known for enslaving other races, which I suppose is a bad thing, but it's the cost of being free."
 
> You say "Heather, what do you know about dopplegangers?"
"Dopplegangers are little more than ugly, obnoxious gnomes. They may have some interesting technology, but that doesn't make up for their appearance." Heather laughs.
 
> You ask Rose what she knows about those races (hobgoblins, orcs, elves, dwarves, svelks and dopplegangers).
"The goblins are a chaotic evil race, the orcs are chaotic evil as well, the svelk are as arrogant as Heather said and the dopplegangers are just repulsive." Rose answers.
 
> You ask her "¿and what about dwarves and elves?"
"I'm sure the dwarves are just as annoying as all the rest of their kin. The elves have always been a solitary race, so I can't help you there."
"Alright then. Thank you."
 
> You ask Wwhat aout catgirls?
"I've only heard stories about catgirls. Fantasy catgirls, of course. I can't say I've ever seen one personally." Rose says, shaking her head.
 
> You ask heather about catgirls.
"What do you know of catgirls, Heather?" You ask.
"I've only heard stories about catgirls. Fantasy catgirls, of course. I can't say I've ever seen one personally."
 
> You ask Helena bout catgirls.
"What do you know of catgirls, Helena?" You ask.
"I've only heard stories about catgirls. Fantasy catgirls, of course. I can't say I've ever seen one personally.
 
> You need moar catgirls.
"I need moar catgirls!" You shout.
"Look, just calm down, Una. We can't help you." Rose says.
"I need to get some catgirls.
 
> You ask about Inquisitor Kannish.
"Inquisitor Kannish was a Magus. That's all I can tell you, and I think I've said all I'm willing to say." Heather says.
Unbelievable.
You head back to the palace, wondering how you're going to do proper reconnaissance for your catgirl plan.
And then you have a brilliant idea.
You could dye your hair blonde and get a job as a mercenary. There, you could easily hire out the services of your...
AMBUSH!
The goblins attack, and you're not ready.
 
> You yell "GUARDS! GUARDS!" and kick the nearest goblin in the 'nads.
You yell for guards, and one of the guards comes to see what the commotion is.
As soon as he sees the goblins, however, he yells "Trog!" and leaps back, dropping his sword. You run to pick up his sword, and turn to face the goblin horde.
 
> You call for more guards, call for Rose and kill every last goblin.
You run around, trying to find more guards, who come to help. One comes up to you with a crossbow, but doesn't seem inclined to fire it.
 
> You order the guard to fire or kill himself.
You take the crossbow from the guard and order him to fire at the goblins. The crossbow clicks, and then clicks again.
Nothing happens.
The guard nervously snaps his crossbow forward. Click.
 
> You call for Rose.
The guard fires without orders. The bolt flies and hits a nearby goblin.
Unfortunately, as the goblins are already charging towards you, the bolt bounces off another goblin's head and hits the guard in the arm.
 
> You kill goblin.
You slash the goblins' heads off. Unfortunately, the other guard fires another bolt at them.
You dodge the bolt just in time, and run up to him.
 
> You kill another goblin.
The other guard fires another bolt, which hits you in the thigh.
The goblins begin to overwhelm you, and you find yourself surrounded by their bulk.
 
> You stab another goblin in th egonads.
You stab one of the goblins in the gonads, and the goblin cries out in pain, falling to the ground.
Unfortunately, this is all the time the other guard needs.
 
> You call Rose.
"Rose! Come out and fight alongside me!" You shout.
Helena is already here, and together, she, you and Rose manage to kill the last of the charging goblins.
 
> You leave the clean-up to the guards and limp to your chambers.
In the chambers, you find a changing table and a few other adult toys.
You...
Hmm, I don't think you'll need these.
You strip off your bloody clothes, and lay on the bed.
 
> You call for Heather and tell her to cure the wound of your leg.
You call for Heather, and she enters your chambers.
"What's wrong?" She asks.
"I need you to cure my leg. I got stabbed by a guard's crosbow bolt. It's not that bad."
"Oh. Well, I guess it couldn't hurt.
 
> You tell her "less talking, more bandaging"
"Less talking, more bandaging," you say.
Heather cuts open the wound and begins sewing it up.
 
> You wait for Heather to finish, then stand up.
"Thanks," you say. "I'll be fine now."
"Alright then," Heather says.
 
> You grab a cane and tell Heather and Rose to help you get to the throne room, but enter the throne room without help.
You walk with a limp, and manage to enter the throne room on your own feet, leaning on your cane.
You stop in front of the throne, where you see...
You spot something red on the floor. Blood.
 
> You "did the goblins reach the throne room?"
"Did the goblins reach the throne room?"
"No, they were beaten back by the guards," Helena says. "That's good."
You stop near the throne, and see Count Grey standing near it.
 
> You ask "Then whose blood is this?"
You hold up your hand. Count Grey's response will determine how the story continues...
"Good job, kid." Count Grey nods. "Stay here, I don't want anyone else coming to bother you either."
"Thanks," you say.
"Don't mention it,"
 
> You order count Grey thrown into jail for calling the Queen a kid.
"I believe he should be thrown into jail!" You shout.
"Thank you."
Count Grey is taken away by soldiers, which pleases you.
 
> You ask if someone else wants to be thrown into jail.
Helena steps up.
"Yes. I killed O'Neill and stole his identity," she says.
"I did too," Rose says.
 
> You laugh and say "not now, this is serious"
Helena shrugs and becomes serious again.
"Alright," you say. "Let's continue."
You enter the throne room, which is both bigger and more cluttered than the last time you were here.
 
> You ask again "if the goblins did not reach the throne room, who was wounded here?"
"The Emperor!" someone shouts. "The Emperor was stabbed in the back by one of his sons!"
 
> You ask "what the hell was the emperor doing in my throne room?"
The Emperor and three of his sons are seen. The Emperor seems to have been stabbed once in the chest by one of his two sons, and is holding his arm to stem the bleeding.
 
> You check them for dopplegangers.
You start by frisking the Emperor, then your hand moves to the wound on his chest.
"He wasn't stabbed by a real person!" someone yells. "He's a doppelganger!"
 
> You realize all three are dopplegangers and order them thrown into jail.
The three doppelgangers are taken away.
"There. Now we can continue," you say.
"Good job, Your Majesty," Heather nods. 
 
> You "I really want to know how my guards are so incompetent that a bunch of goblins and dopplegangers managed to infiltrate the castle and attack the Queen. I also really want to know why they are so incompetent they caused more damagr to our royal person than the goblins themselves. Am I surrounded by idiots, or what?"
"I can answer your second question," Helena nods. "The guards were bribed."
"What?!"
Helena nods, smiling.
"I found evidence of bribes earlier, and also where the guards came from. The king hired every single guard in the kingdom."
You sigh, "I suppose it would make sense for our incompetent guards to be bribed by the conspirators."
"So do we have a conclusion to the attack?" you ask.
Heather shrugs, "I suppose it was a joint effort by the goblins and the doppelgangers. While the goblins did the heavy lifting, the doppelgangers did their planning."
 
> You thank Heather and summon Captain Argor.
"Thank you, Heather. That will be all," you say.
"Very well, your highness," Heather nods, and leaves.
"I want to find out who's behind the attack. Find out who paid off the guards, and who is behind this conspiracy," you say.
"Got it," Helena nods.
Captain Argor enters promptly when called. He's a tall, burly man, and as soon as he enters the room, you can tell something is wrong.
"What's wrong?" you ask.
"The city's rebelling," he says dourly.
 
> You ask "Again?"
"The city's rebelling. We've found tracks leading to the city centre, and heard a couple of streets protesting about their new goblin overlords.
 
> You say "Argor, are you telling us that you managed to have the King be killed under your nose, be captured by a doppleganger, let a goblin commando to infiltrate the castle and ambush your Queen, AND allow the city to revolt again? All in a single day?"
"I can't be held responsible for the stupid decisions of my subordinates," he says.
You shake your head, "We think otherwise, PRIVATE Argor. You WERE in command."
 
> You use the dark side of the Force to choke Argor.
Argor gasps, clutching at his throat. You use the force, and Argor's eyes widen. He gags and struggles to breathe as you telekinetically crush his throat and tear out his neck...
You wake up from your daydreaming and regret you don't actually have Force powers to punish the incompetents with.
 
> You say "Guards! Take FORMER Captain of the Guard Argor to the dungeons. He is charged with gross incompetence, high treason, and anything elseI can think about."
"Yes, sir!" the guards say.
They take Argor, who is sadly still alive, out of the room. 
You order Rose to approach the throne.
"We have work to do," you say.
"Yes, my Queen," Rose nods diligently.
 
> You say "Captain Rose, despite your youth, you have served me well. You have proved yourself worthy, and more trustworthy than the more veteran Knights. I hereby appoint you new Captain of the Royal Guard. As soon as the castle is secured again, go forth and deal with the rebelion in the city. Do not use excessive violence against Our subjects, but do whatever is needed to restore peace."
"Yes, my Queen," Rose says, touched by your words. She then approaches you and kisses you on the forehead.
"Thank you, thank you," she says, before leaving the room.
 
> You say "We shall obviate this breach of protocol - once. But we are drawing the line here. Next one to kiss me uninvited is to be fed to a roomful of hungry chiuahuas, feet first."
Your guards laugh heartily.
"I'm glad you're finding my orders to them so amusing. I figured you might!" you say.
 
 
> You say "You guards are all of you docked of pay for a full month for your incompetence. And be glad I take no further disciplinary action. Call forth Sir Robert, Knight-Commander of the Royal Army and brother of Captain Rose. His soldiers of the 1st Company, 2nd Battalion are to replace all the palace guards for security duties, efective inmediately. We have spoken."
Your orders are obeyed...
 
> You order Helena to write a full report of all she knows about the conspiration she helped uncover and present it to you before nightfall.
"Helena, I want this report to be as detailed as possible," you say.
"Yes, my Queen," Helena nods.
 
> You say "Heather, come with us to the library. Guards, escort us to avoid new attempts against our life. Court is dismised."
The guards follow you and Heather to the library, where you order them to stand guard outside of the door. Heather and you sit around a table.
"What's going on?" Heather asks.
 
> You say "Heather, with all the humanoid races that are in this world, and how much this whole country looks like a shouho manga, I can't believe that catgirls are just fantasy. You and me are going to research as much as we can about them"
"That's a really good idea!" Heather says, writing it down. "You can also ask the other Eyes if they know anything, but I think you should keep this between us."
"Yeah, definitely,"
 
> You say "the last thing we need is Rose finding out about this catgirl research. She would not hesitate trying to force a catgirl harem upon me"
"She wouldn't," Heather says.
 
> You say "She would do it at the drop of a hat, and you know. You were there when she brought me that fourscore of ***** ladies of the court into my bedchambers. Rose loves me and is loyal, but she has an harem fetish or something like that..."
"Oh, I didn't know! I'll warn the others, then!"
"Sure, but don't worry. Heather says. "We're not exactly as the other Eyes."Oh my god, that is some disturbing shit," Heather says.
 
> You say "Let's start our research about catgirls"
After a few hours of researching, you find some stuff.
Catgirls look like normal, feline humans with the addition of pointy ears and a more muscular body. ( Large muscles for a human shape, that is) Their skin is usually hairless, though fur-like patterns may appear on their skin or they may even have patches of cat-like hair. Their body language and sound of their voices is more feline as well.
Their society and culture varies, but they tend to live in large cities ruled by a few royal families or a "queen" with her children. They have a written language using the Latin alphabet, though it's rarely used outside of their royal families or the scribes that teach in the royal schools.
Some human-like traits have been observed in them. They seem to have more "siblings" than any other race, with an average of 6 to 8. They're very religious, with many having a fascination of Felians and the God of shadows. Royal families are very big on having children to the point of producing more than the average.
You close the page, shrugging.
Maybe you can use some of this to in your plan.
 
> You say "Ha! you knew they were real! Literary convenience can not be defied!"
"Literary convenience?" Heather asks.
"It means the author made it up, but it sounds so real!" You say.
"Oh, interesting," Heather says."
"I'm sure people have tried to refute it before, but I'm pretty sure it hasn't happened in centuries. I mean, haven't you always wondered where the hell all of the Felians went?
 
> You say "I knew it had to be catgirls as soon as I heard the word "Felians". "
"How so?"
You put your hand on your heart.
"It's too obvious for a complex plot. The only possible conclusion is that the Felians are lesbians."
Heather laughs, then stops.
"Are you serious?"
"Do you have another idea?"
"Well... no..."
"Then the Felians are lesbians.
 
> You research about felians.
About the Felians
The Felians are a race of female beings that have been around since the beginning of time. They are known to worship the Goddess of Shadows, Fel.
They are humanoid creatures with long black hair and violet eyes. They wear robes of varying colors, ranging from white to purple. They also have pointed ears and pointed teeth. They are said to have a culture based on magic and mysticism.
While they are capable of reproduction through ***, they prefer to mate with human males. This is because they believe that a man should be able to reach into his soul and take anything he wants, while a woman should be limited by what she can do with her own body.
The Felians are believed to be the first race to create a civilization, which eventually led to the creation of nations and kingdoms. In fact, they were once called "The Ancients" until they were rediscovered and discovered that they were not the first race to exist.
However, due to their belief system, they are considered heretics by most nations. Most nations view them as being unnatural and evil.
In the modern era, the Felians have been scattered across the world, mainly in small communities. Some have even managed to make it to the capital city of one nation. However, they still maintain their beliefs and refuse to leave.
As far as you know, there has never been a single Felian who was found to be a lesbian. It seems like the whole thing is just a conspiracy theory.
About the Goddess of Shadows
The goddess Fel is a mysterious entity that is worshipped by many races throughout history. She is often depicted as a beautiful woman, with long flowing blonde hair and violet eyes. Many believe that she is an immortal being, but others claim that she is merely a powerful shadow spirit.
She is often depicted as having wings or other magical powers. Her symbol is a circle with two crossed swords, and she is sometimes referred to as the "Shadow Queen".
There are several theories regarding why she would be associated with homosexuality. One theory states that she created mankind, and gave them life. Another claims that she is a lesbian herself, and just likes women more than men. Still another claims that she is simply a god of chaos, and that she enjoys watching people fight each other.
One thing is certain though: the Felians have never seen any evidence to support these theories.
About the Felians' Religion
The Felians believe that they are descended from a race of beings called the Ancients. These ancient beings were originally humanoids, but over time mutated into something else entirely. The Felians believe that this mutation caused them to become homosexuals.
This religion is very controversial among the general population, and many governments try to wipe out the Felians whenever possible.
You don't really care about all that, since you've always had your own beliefs. You just want them to let you and your kingdom alone.
You close the book. You have learned much about the Felians, except how they are related to catgirls. You wonder if you should tell someone about this.
 
> You say "Heather, we should now research about dopplegangers"
Heather smiles at you.
"I think I'll keep my mouth shut for now..."
You nod, and turn back to the book. You begin reading again.
Heather says "Maybe we don't need to research much about them. If they are so stupid that they reveal themselves when asked about their transformation powers, they can not be so much of a threat."
You look up at her.
"Well, what does it matter?" 
"It matters because I'm going to tell you something important." Heather continues. "We're going to start looking into the possibility of cloning humans. We already have some of those done, and they are working well enough. But we will also need to find a way to clone animals.
 
> You ask Heather what shit is she smoking.
You ask what Heather is smoking to believe that. She says she doesn't want to tell you because it's a secret, and you're not supposed to know about the project until it's ready or something.
 
> You facepalm and say "whatever"
You turn around to go back to Heather, but stop short when you see her.
"What the ****?" You say.
Heather's eyes have changed to red and her fangs are fully extended.
"What the hell? What did you do?" You say.
"Nothing! Just thought you might like to know!" Heather says.
"Yeah, whatever...okay fine." You say.
 
> You say "What are you? Vampire? Felian? Catgirl? Ornitorrinco? No, wait, that's "platypus" in Spanish, not a monster..."
Heather looks down at you, then turns her head up to stare at the ceiling.
"No, no, no, that's too easy." She says. "I am a ******* vampire."
You sigh.
 
> You say "Heather, I know I said "no secrets", but you scared the shit out of me..."
"Don't worry about it." Heather says. "But seriously, I was a vampire before I met you."
"Oh?" You reply.
"Yes," Heather replies. "And I still am."
 
> You say "No shit, Sherlock. Vampirism is not exactly self-curing"
"So why are you telling me all this?", you say.
"Because I'm not sure if we're going to make it work."
"Why not?", you object.
 
> You say "You being a vampire is not even the second weirdest thing I've seen today. I only need to know TWO things. First, are we gonna need to spend quite a while researching vampires?"
"Well..."
Heather pauses.
"**** it, I'll tell you. It's pretty easy. Basically, you learn to control your bloodlust and drink only when necessary."
"That's it?"
Heather says, "Yes, other than that we are exactly like legends say we are."
"Well...that's a letdown."
"I know. But it's the best information I can give you."
You think for a moment.
 
> You say "And second, are you gonna go full Carmille on me?"
Heather laughs a bit.
"No ******* chance." She says.
"So it's a no on both questions." You say.
"Pretty much.
 
> You roll your eyes, then say "Fine. All I needed to know. I don't care a damn anymore. Hide those fangs before someone sees them and ruins my day even more."
"I'll do it!"
Heather sticks out her tongue, then stops herself from doing it again.
 
> You get up, then go to the chapel where the King's corpse is laying.
You walk up to the corpse, kneeling down besides it. The King's face looks at peace, and there is no doubt he is dead.
 
> You summon the priest.
The priest appears. He looks at you with his white eyes and speaks softly.
"My name is Father Tomas, and I serve as the spiritual leader of the church here."
 
> You tell Thomas to arrange the King's funeral for tomorrow in the morning.
"Okay." You say.
"Goodbye, Your Majesty." Father Tomas says.
You nod and leave him standing there. Then you leave the chapel where the King lies.
After leaving the chapel, you notice the corridors are empty. Everyone has gone home. You wonder how long it will be before they come back. Then you hear a voice coming from behind you.
"Hey, what's wrong?" A woman asks.
"Nothing." You say. "Just thinking about the future."
"Hm, well good luck with that." The woman says.
 
> You look at woman.
 
She is wearing a black dress, which is very short. Her hair is tied into two pigtails. She wears a necklace made of gold and emeralds.
"I'm sorry, but I have to ask you something." You say.
"Of course." The woman says. "
Are you a vampire?"
"Um...no." She answers. "I am a werewolf."
You say "Uh... Well."
 
> You walk away slowly trying not to catch the crazy.
You walk away, before she can reply. 
 
> You return to your chambers.
You enter your chambers and close the door. Then you go to your bookshelf, pick one out, and sit down to read.
In the morning, you will have to meet with your council and get things prepared for your father's funeral.
As you drift off to sleep, you think about the grisly fate of the late King.
Around nightfall, a polite but insistent knocking on the door fully wakes you up. You yawn and get up to open the door.
Six guards stand outside, alongside Heather and Helena.
"I am sorry to disturb you, but we are here to give you Helena's report on the Felian conspiration." Heather says.
"Uh...okay." You reply.
Helena and Heather walk past you and into the room, while the guards stand outside at the ready with spears.
 
> You read Helena's report.
The report speaks for itself. The conspiracy was too large to keep a secret for long, even in a place as isolated as this one.
As you are reading it, a lute can be heard from the sitting room.
"Should I get that?" You ask.
"No." Heather replies.
 
> You check who is playing the lute in your own sitting room.
A girl with long brown hair sits on the chair next to you. It is Rose, the maid with the same name as your knight Rose.
"What are you doing here?" You ask.
"Playing the lute." She responds.
"Oh..." You say. "Is that so? What are you doing after dinner?"
"Yes, yes." Rose says. "It's time for me to take a bath."
"Okay, okay."
 
> You say "You are playing the lute in the royal bedchambers?... and... you are about to take a bath in the royal bathtub? FIne! I don't care anymore about this madness!"
You grab Rose by the wrist and drag her to the door leading to your chambers.
"Let me go!" Rose says, struggling to get class.
You open the door, dragging Rose with you.
 
> You say "Guards! Take this maid to the service wing. Have her take a bath ANYWHERE but my own bathtub!"
As the guards hold Rose back, you enter your chambers and close the door. You sit on your bed and think about what has become of your life. A moment later, you hear Rose's outraged screams outside.
 
> You keep reading Helena's report.
The report on the Felian conspiracy is exactly the same as last time. You know it inside out, you read it a dozen times already, you're not learning anything new.
Helena's family wanted her to seduce you to overthrow your father, knowing you and him had been at odds for five years. The plan was to influence you, a naïve princess, so the Felians would be the power behind the throne. The King's murder took them by surprise, so they told Helena to encourage you to take the throne instead. Helena was scared by the sudden plan, but she was also stubborn, and since she had a personal grudge against your father, she agreed.
She was surprised by you not being as naïve as they thought, nor as ruthless as your father.
The next part of the report is a bit worrying. It seems the Felians are more determined than ever to have you killed.
And that was why the Goblin attack took place.
The report ends there.
 
> You order the guards to summon Captain Robert, Rose's brother.
You send a guard running to Captain Robert's tent, and soon you have a response.
"Yes?" He answers, coming out in his full armor, a sword by his side.
 
> You order Heather and Helena to wait in the sitting room and leave Robert and you to talk alone in your desk.
As you wait for Heather and Helena to close the door, you look at your father's war map and try to picture the layout of Fort Destiny. Captain Robert stands in front of in your desk, blocking you from seeing the map.
 
> You remind Captain Roberts that he told you that your 12-old sister was pregnant, then remind Captain Roberts he was ordered to make her tutor know that you are MOST displeased and you WILL be having a chat in which long, detailed explanations will be requested.
"Yes, yes, I got it." Captain Robert says, hastily straightening his uniform.
You stare at him for a while, unnerving him and he clears his throat.
"Elena's fine."
 
> You say "have you talked with her tutor?"
"Err... yes."
"And?"
"He's very worried about her, he says he'll do everything in his power to make sure she graduates."
"That's not an answer!"
"Well yes!" Captain Robert yells.
 
> You say "Does he have any idea how this happened? Oh, forget that. I'm CERTAIN we ALL have an idea of that. Let me rephrase my question: Does he have any idea WHEN and BY WHOM my pre-teen sister got pregnant?"
"No idea!"
You sigh, too frustrated to say anything else.
 
> You say "Well, have my sister Elena's tutor thrown in the dungeon, why not, I've only had to jail like 20 persons today, one more will not even register."
"Ah, well... it's not so simple."
"What do you mean it's not simple! I COMMAND YOU TO DO IT!"
"But Your Majesty..."
You sigh, raising your voice.
"Let me put it into simple terms for you: I am the Queen! Do as I say, not as I do!"
Captain Robert gulps, and you see a glimpse of admiration for the first time. He knows you can Make It Very Hard For Him.
"Yes... yes, of course."
"Good."
 
> You say "Before you do so, bring my sister here - personally."
"Err... yes."
You watch as Robert leaves the room, then you sit down and nervously pick at your nails. A few minutes later, he returns, followed by a frowning Elena.
 
> You look at your younger sister.
 
"Hi!" She says nervously.
 
> You hug your sister, then say "Father is dead. I am now the Queen, and you are now the Crown Princess"
You hug your sister, but she doesn't hug back. She just stands there awkwardly, arms at her side.
Elena sobs softly. There was never much love betwen the King and his daughters, but he was still her father, and she weeps for him.
"I'm sorry," Elena says.
"If there's one thing I've learned about Father, it's that he's always been able to make people do what he wants, no matter how unreasonable. If he could make me do something against my will, he would've killed me as a child. I know you're scared, but I need you to do something for me."
"What?"
"Get the sword from the rack."
"The sword?"
"Yes, the sword. I need you to get it for me."
Elena cautiously steps forward, and picks up the sword. She immediately drops it back onto the floor.
"I'm sorry," She says.
"Father has trained you to fight with a sword and a bow, he taught you to hunt and fish, shepherded you through the bogeys of puberty..." You say.
"What...?"
"I need you to do something for me."
"What?"
 
> You say "I need you to tell me who is the father of the child you are carrying"
"I can't!"
"Come on, you're a smart girl! You know you have to tell me!"
 
> You say "We, the Queen... no. I, your sister, am not angry at you. But you MUST tell me who is the father and how it happened. Not to your Queen; to your older sister."
This seems to work. Elena begins to tear up, and you sigh in exasperation.
"Please..." You say.
"I..."
"Elena..."
"I'm scared."
Well, something worked.
"Father has taken away my ability to defend myself against men I don't even know, scared or not! If the worst happens and I die in this war, not only will he take any surviving children that I might have, but he'll take MY HUSBAND as well!
 
> You say "H-HUSBAND? YOU ARE TWELVE YEARS OLD, FOR ****'S SHAKE!"
"Please..." She says.
"Alright, alright, stop..." You say, your voice raising as you calm down again.
 
> You say "Tell me who that husband of yours is, please"
"His name is Aethelwulf, and he is the chieftain of the Northumbrians. I don't even know WHY we're married. I mean, we bicker all the time."
"Doesn't matter!"
 
> You ask Elena how is even possible that a pre teen princess like her could be married with a northern chieftain without anyone else knowing.
"I've seen our father the King, and he doesn't ask us for reasons. We're married, and that's all that matters!"
"Hm, well it doesn't seem right.
 
> You say "Do you mean our father married you out in secret?"
Elena nods at your words, and you sigh.
 
> You facepalm.
"So what do you know of this man? If he's a monster, make a list of his crimes. Let me know what kind of man I'm up against.
Elena begins to describe her husband, and you make a mental note of everything she says.
"So basically you know nothing about him.
 
> You say "how long have you been married in secret?"
"Two years."
 
> You say "How long have you been pregnant?"
"Almost three months."
 
> You say "You live in palace, and he lives in Northumbria. How did you manage to get pregnant to begin with? NO, do NOT give me sexual details, little sister. I just mean how is that even possible for you two to... you know, be together."
Elena begins to get embarrassed, as she was already starting to tear up. She's silent for a moment, before she answers.
"We... Ugh. We had *** once, my wedding night."
 
> You facepalm TWICE. Then say "Elena, your wedding night was two years ago, and you are three months pregnant. Doesn't that sound any weird to you?"
Elena begins to cry harder at your words.
"No. My father would never allow something like that. He's a good king, he wouldn't do something like that to me.
 
> You say nothing, think "good that he is dead or I would kill him myself"
She continues to sob, and you decide to give her a break.
 
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" You ask, hugging your sister.
"Because I wanted to be sure, because I love you so much."
 
> You call for Heather
"Heather, come here."
"Yes, Your Highness."
 
 
> You ask Heather to take Crown Princess Elena to her chambers and discretly put a guard in her door, then return here inmediately.
"Come on, let's go."
"Okay."
You open the door and see Heather holding Elena by the hand.
 
> You say "Wait!"
"What?"
"I said wait!"
Heather and Elena wait at the door.
 
> You show the sword to Elena, then say "this sword shall protect you from now on, my sister", then bid Elena good night.
Elena looks at the sword, and she kisses you on the cheek.
"Goodnight, Your Majesty."
Heather looks at the sword. "It's a gift from your father, isn't it?"
"Yeah." You say without adding anything else.
"Well, I'll leave you to it. Goodnight."
 
> You wait for the door to close, then scream in frustration.
You grab the handle of the door, and you scream into it. The guards outside opens the door quickly, but they just take a look at your face and they just walk away as fast as they can.
 
> You say "Helena, come here!"
She walks over to you, and she puts her arms around you.
 
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." You whisper.
You say "You heard it". Not a question. You know she is a trained spy. You don't want to hear anymore.
 
"Let's not talk about it." You say.
"Okay..." She says, and she hugs you tightly.
 
> You wait for Heather to return.
"Please, let's talk about something else."
"Hm?"
"The throne. It's yours."
"Of course it is. Who could possibly oppose me?"
"But... But... I thought we were friends."
"Friends? No! We're allies. Allies against the common enemy, which is the Felians and their lesbianism."
"Oh..."
Helena looks dejected.
"Look, I understand if you don't want to talk about this. Let's forget about it."
"That won't help."
"Then what will?"
"Just forget about it."
"Fine."
You sigh deeply, and you stand up. You turn to Helena who stands there looking downcast. You shake your head and sit down.
 
> You wait in silence for Heather to return.
You wait patiently for Heather to return. After a few minutes, you hear footsteps coming closer towards the door.
Heather knocks on the door. You open the door, and she comes in.
 
"Are you all right?" Heather asks.
"I am." You answer back.
 
> You say "Heather. Helena. I know both of you heard my conversation with my sister. She is very likely pregnant from abuse from our own father. Advice me, what the **** do I do now?"
"About what?" Heather asks, confused.
You start snarking "About your thick sku-", then you stop and compose yourself. "About her pregnacy, and about her mental health. And mine."
"I didn't hear anything about your mental health."
"No, but she's just 12. How the hell do you think I feel about this? What do you suggest you do?"
"Do you want me to talk to her about it, or you?
 
> You say "No, I must do it myself. But please, advice me what the **** to do."
"I don't know. But I'm sure it's not good." Heather says, then she shrugs her shoulders.
 
> You say "Some help are you being, the two of you."
"What's wrong with being cautious?" Heather asks.
"You're being so damn cautious that you're not doing shit!" You snap, annoyed.
"I'm being cautious because I don't want to **** up an important alliance. If you're so uncomfortable with the situation, perhaps it would help if you left." Heather says, somewhat annoyed with your anger.
 
> You say "Heather, dear, my pre teen sister has been married off to some minor chieftain for whose alliance I couldn't care a rat's ass, and who can not possibly be the father of the child she is carrying, which may or may not have been sired by our own father. I... no, WE shall be as unconfortable with the situation as we shall damn like. And you, my first advisor, are hereby ordered to help me solve this SNAFU - and like it! So speak up. Any ideas of what to do with the child? Any ideas of what to do with my sister? I need no ideas of what to do with the husband - thats what I have a ******* army for. As for my father, luckily someone helped us with that already."
Heather doesn't say anything for a moment, contemplating what to tell you.
"If I tell you what to do, will you murder me?" Heather asks.
 
> You say "Never. I sear so, as your Queen - and as your friend."
"Then I shall make it simple for you. You love your sister, don't you?"
"Yes."
"Then you'll murder the husband and the children."
"I...
 
> You say "wat"
"Well then, if you love your sister so much, you'll murder the husband and the children."
"I..."
Heather sighs.
 
> You say "Heather, we all know you are a vampire. No need to show your bloodthirst."
"Is it against your religion, or something?
 
> You say "I am NOT murdering any child. Full stop. Bear in mind, we are in a medieval setting without safe abortive clinics. I'm oh so NOT waiting for the child do be born to smother him."
"I understand, but you must.
"Heather is a VAMPIRE?", Helena interrupts.
Heather ignores the interruption and continues to speak.
"Yes. That also means I'm a merciless killer that feasts on blood and lives for only one thing. Now, let me finish."
"Heather, please. You're talking over me." Helena complains.
"You must kill the husband and the future children in order to protect your kingdom.
 
> You say "The husband's life is already forfeit, and I must thank you for your advice, for I have - no, WE have already made OUR mind. "
"But why?!"
"Because we've had enough of the man. We've had enough of his selfishness and stupidity. He's not even worthy to be a chieftain anymore, let alone a member of our family. I have killed a man for trying to force a marriage upon me, I will not hesitate to kill a man who has forced a marriage upon my sister," you say quite vehemently.
 
> You say "And I will NOT murder an infant in his crib to protect my lineage. If it has fo fall because of that, so be it."
"Fine, fine. But I still think you should at least give us time to prepare."
 
You sigh and continue.
 
> You say "we have seven months, you realize..."
"Okay, okay, fine. We have seven months to prepare for the birth of her child. It can wait until after that time."
 
> You say "We don't even need to wait. Heather, I need your vampire powers."
"What?! Why would I want to do such a thing?
 
> You say "Because your Queen orders you to and your friend begs you to, maybe?"
"Maybe...but..."
"No, I really mean it. You need to help us!"
"Why? What does this matter?
 
> You say "I NEED to know, Heather. This adventure has turned from a mrry catgirl chase into something too dark for my tastes. I need you to hide yourself in my sister's room, hipnotize her and get her to reveal who is really the father. Do it as quickly as you can, but be sure not to harm her mind nor scare her in any way. Go. Please."
 
Heather looks down, then smiles. She walks out of the room with a smile on her face.
"Thank you for trusting me, my love." she says softly. "I'll go right now!"
 
> You roll eyes at the mention of "my love"
"Oh come on! You didn't just call me 'love' did you? I'm not some ******* helpless kitten!"
"Well, yeah, but...
 
> You say "Just go already!"
"Alright, alright, I'm going!"
 
She leaves the room and you close the door behind her. You walk back to your bedchamber and sit down on it.
 
> You say "Helena, come over here and sit down in front of me."
"Hmmm, yes. Yes, I shall.
 
> You say "I trust Heather because she has been my advisor and my medic for all my life. You are a newcomer. I am sorry, but you just overheard something so private I am willing to kill over it. "
"It was nothing, my Queen. I swear."
"Then tell me if I can trust you. I need to know if you're lying or telling the truth about everything else.
 
> You say "Helena, can I trust in your silence? Or do I need to kill you to be sure of it?"
"Of course, my queen. Nothing could be more natural."
 
You sit up straight and look at her. She looks into your eyes. Her long black hair flows down her shoulders like a waterfall.
 
> You say "Helena, if you are also ******* trying to seduce me to wager for your life, I swear to God I'm feeding you to the hungry chihuauas. I need secrecy, not frolicking."
"Shhh! Hush, my love. Do not worry about me. Worry about yourself. That's the only thing one can do, right?
 
> You say "Helena, I am serious. I'm saving myself for the catgirls."
"What?! You want me to...oh, my."
"You don't think that will convince them, do you?"
"Well, it may, but I suppose...
 
> You ask Helena to convince you of her loyalty. Order it NOT to try to do it sexually.
"Helena, I want to believe you, but I...if you don't actually convince me, we are going to have serious problems. You were spying on me until a day ago, after all. If you're lying, I'm going to have no choice but to kill you."
"I understand. We will do this your way. I have no choice now...but to be loyal to you."
"Mmmm. That's good. Now, let's talk about the situation.
Helena says "An oath taken under pressure is not a good proof. So I won't repeat my oath now. But I promise you, I will never betray you. Even if you die, I will always be by your side. I already made that oath before, onmy own free will. That is my proof."
"Good. Then I trust you. Good night.
 
> You kiss Helena's forehead, then say "You are free to go now. But don't leave the palace grounds tonight. I may need to call you".
Helena smiles and nods.
"Yes, my Queen. Goodbye."
She turns around and walks away from the bedchamber. No long afterwards, you hear footsteps coming towards you.
"Are you leaving?" you ask.
"No, I'm staying."
"Why?"
"Because I love you."
 
> You oh, for ****'s shake! Is that some henious plan from Rose to get you a ******* lesbian harem AGAIN?
Helena laughs.
"Oh, no. Not again, my Queen". 
"What do you mean, 'again'?", you ask.
"Rose told me to stay with you, since she thinks that would make you happy. And I know how much you like being loved."
"So what makes you think I'd be happier with another woman?"
 
> You say "Helena, I am trying my level best NOT to have a lesbian harem here. Is that so difficult to understand?"
"Not really, because I'm still not convinced that you're not a lesbian. Besides, you've been acting very suspicious lately. Maybe I should just put an end to this."
 
 
> You say "Yes, it is time to put an end to this. Leave, please. Now."
Helena looks at you with tears in her eyes.
 
"My love..."
 
> You say "Helena, you were my prisoner just half a day ago, You got the second worst case of Stockholm syndrome I've ever seen. Please, go to your room and sleep on it."
"But...!"
"Please, just go. Just go."
"But..."
"Go. Go now."
The last words she utters before she leaves the room are a whispery sob.
 
> You pump fists at Heavens in frustration.
As soon as she left, you start pumping your fist up into the air.
"Damn, damn, damn. This bitch is too goddamn stubborn to admit defeat. **** this shit, I'm outta here."
"Yeah, well, I can't either. I gotta find out what the matter with my sister is", you mutter to yourself while walking towards your desk.
 
> You walk around the room to calm yourself.
You walk around the room, looking for something or someone that might be bothering you. You look behind your chair, where there was a bookcase, but it has disappeared. There was also a closet, but it's gone too. The only thing remaining is the wall behind your desk. It seems that Rose, the maid, has somehow managed to hide the whole place from you.
 
> You take mental note to ask Rose, the maid, how the hell she managed to hide your whole room.
You head back to your door and take a deep breath. You open the door, which is locked.
 
"Hey Rose, did you manage to hide my entire room?
Nobody answers, because the maid is not there. 
"Well, I guess I'll see myself out of this place.", you say and close the door.
After closing the door, you feel a little better.
 
> You make a mental note not to act out your mental notes, not even to relieve stress.
You decide to keep quiet about your mental notes. 
Some time later, you hear a knock in your door.
"Who's there?", you ask.
"It's me, Heather."
"Come in."
She enters the room and sits down on one of your chairs.
 
> You say "Well? What did you find out about my sister's pregnacy?"
"Nothing, I mean nothing at all. She's fine."
"Then why did you come here?"
"I wanted to talk to you about something else."
"What could it be?
"She is not pregnant"
"WHAT?! How could she that she's not pregnant?!"
"Because she is not even menstruating yet. She had a psychological pregnacy"
"Then... how did it happen?"
"I don't know. She just had one in her head. But that's not even what is odd about it. The whole thing is even weirder."
 
> You stay in atonished silent while Heather explains how this whole fiasco could possibly get any weirder.
Heather continues to speak while you remain in an amazement-state of mind.
"She is still a virgin", Heather says.
"What?!", you exclaim, now finally getting out of astonishment.
 
> You babble incoherently for a solid minute and wait for Heather to explain herself.
"Hey, keep your voice down, people could hear you", Heather says.
"How can you be so sure she is a virgin?", you ask.
"I am a vampire. I can smell the blood of a female virgin".
"So she got a psychological pregnancy, didn't lose her mind, then what?"
"Then there was the spiritual pregnacy."
 
> You say "**** this shit, I am outta here"
"Wait, there's more!" Heather exclaims.
Heather waits expectantly for you to keep listening. You stare at her, annoyed that she hasn't given up yet.
 
> You say "Heather, exactly what do you mean with "spiritual pregnacy"?"
"She became pregnant by a ghost."
 
> You say "Nani the ****?"
"She got pregnant by a ghost. How the hell is that possible? A ghost can't become pregnant either, right? No, they can't. That's impossible."
"But..."
"They're not real. They're not even alive."
"BUT..." Heather insists, "it happened."
"No it didn't. "
"Yes it did."
"That's bullshit! There's no way a ghost could have gotten anyone pregnant, let alone a human woman! It couldn't even be done if it tried!"
"Yeah, but it did! Look, I'm sorry, but we can't keep arguing in circles. It happened because it was not a demonic ghost, but a holy one."
 
> You say "So let me recap: My little sister got a virginal pregnacy... by a holy ghost. Should we start getting a bloody crib ready for Brian the Messiah?"
"No! No, that's not it at all!" Heather says, getting exasperated.
 
> You say "Then what it is?"
"The child. It's a..." Heather pauses to look for the adequate word, "... spirit, or something."
"Wait, so what you're telling me is a ghost got my little sister pregnant with another ghost?"
"Yes.
 
> You say "Good to know we do not need to start our own religion. No shoes, no pumpkins, no speeches about we all being different but for one, no nothing. But now, what the bloody hell are we gonna do with a baby ghost? Call him Casper?"
"You won't need to worry about it. That ghost will probably just move on to the afterlife inmediately", Heather remarks.
 
After a few minutes of silence, Heather speaks again.
"Well, I guess we should probably tell everyone else about this." She says.
 
> You say "Heather, I can not thank you enough for the service you have done to me tonight. By proving my sister's virginity and discovering her psychological AND spiritual pregnacies, you just proved to me that my dead father was not abusing his own daughter. Thank you very much."
"Sure", Heather replies.
She cocks her head to the side, then continues.
"You should also try to sleep, you know.
 
> You say "There's something I must ask you before. If my sister is a virgin, how is that she claims to have had *** with her... husband in her wedding night?"
"Your sister is a good chaste girl with a pure heart. That's how it is."
"But, if she's a good chaste girl with a pure heart, why didn't she said that?"
 
"She doesn't know what *** is. The brute of her husband was so drunk, he couldn't get it up and had to just cuddle with her. She thought it was ***", Heather explains with a grin.
"And they lived happily ever after, as all good fairy tales are supposed to be able to do", she adds, before turning to leave the room.
You make sure to tell your sister that Heather has a lovely smile.
 
> You yell a savage war cry, do a raised fist jump and laugh maniacally.
As you jump up, you feel a tugging sensation and look down to see several fine hairs being drawn out of your skin! You've been seduced by a succubus.
 
> You say "lolwut"
Eh, maybe not. Still, you feel a lot better now that you know the reason behind the worries of your sister.
 
> You tell the succubus your agenda is full and order her to go seduce some catgirl instead.
You swear, you don't feel any horny feeling right now.
 
> You say "Well, that worked surprisingly well. "
You've been told you should feel guilty about this seduction. You don't since you've done nothing wrong.
 
> You say "Heather? Before you retire for the night?"
"Yes?"
"I have to ask. Are you a virgin?"
"WHAT?! How did you know?
 
> You say "I swear that's NOT what I intended to ask you. Some weird influence (maybe that bloody succubus - maybe some Alternate Idiocy or something) put words in my mouth. What I really wanted to tell -uh, now that I realize, TMI, Heather. TMI. Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is, I'm so happy with how it all turned out thanks to your help, that I could french kiss you right now, if not for the fact thaat if I did so that weird influence would certainly try to scalate the situation pretty quickly. Even without Rose's intervention,"
"Wait, what do you mean?
 
> You say "You know what I mean. Good night, Heather"
"Good night, Una."
With those words, Heather leaves the room. You close the door and go to your own bed, where you spend the next few hours before waking up in the morning...
 
> You get dressed.
You're not going to let yourself get seduced again. In fact, you'll probably go out and find some other girls who aren't trying to seduce you.
 
> You say "Come on, AI, you are tipping your hand here!"
"Fine, come on then. I want to prove that I am indeed a woman of action and not one of those wannabe vampires who can only get laid because their parents are rich enough to buy them nice clothes."
 
> You go to your sister's room.
You open the door and see your sister sitting at her desk.
"Hey, Una."
"What?"
"Can we talk for a minute?
 
> You say "Sure. In fact, I came here to talk with you..."
"Okay, but first, I need to know why you're here.
 
> You say "I'm here to be here for you, Elena."
"Oh, okay. So what's up?"
"Why are you here? Why didn't you just call me when you got back from your trip? And why are you still here?"
"Because I was worried about you. Because I thought that after everything we went through together, it might be best if we were alone for awhile."
 
> You say "What did you want to talk about?"
"We haven't talked in a while. We had our differences, but we always sort of patched things up afterwards. But lately, I think there's been an underlying tension between us."
"Like what? Like you marrying in secret?
"No! Like..."
"Like I said, we haven't talked in a while. It's been hard on both of us. I just wanted to talk to you about something else.
 
> You say "Elena, I know everything."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just tell me what's going on.
 
> You say "I know you were married in secret to a brute for political reasons"
 
 
> You say "I know he was thankfully unable to have *** with you even if the damn brute tried to"
 
 
> You say "I know you two didn't get along because he was - have I mentioned he was a brute? Yes I have"
 
"I know he was a brute", your sister finally answers.
"So you don't like him anymore?"
"Well no, but I've gotten used to it. He's not exactly a good man, but he doesn't deserve any abuse.
 
> You say "Sister, he doesn't deserve abuse. He deseves five and six. Five spans of steel" (you point towards your sword) "and six feet of earth"
"He does?" Your sister asks.
"Yes, I believe so. The thing is though, he is really a bad man."
 
> You say "SIster, I know you had a psychological pregnacy for a while after your (thanks God uneventful) wedding night."
"You mean after the marriage?"
"After the marriage."
"I was never happy with him. Not even close."
"Then why did you stay with him?"
"For my child!"
 
> You say "Sister, we both know you never had any child of him. And I also know that three months ago, you got actually pregnant by a ghost, of all things."
"A ghost?!"
"Yes, a ghost. A very powerful one at that."
"How did you know?
 
> You say "Heather discovered it. I shouldn't be telling this to anyone, but you are my dear sister. Heather knew because she is actually a vampire and hypnotised you tonight."
"Wait, how the hell did you know?"
"She told me because she loves me. She knows all about the two of us now. She also knows that I would never lie to you.
 
> You decide against telling your sister that Heather was willing to kill her child to protect the kingdom. Ever.
"Okay, fine. So what happened then?
 
> You say "Heather hypnotised you and discovered that you were never pregnant, that you are still a virgin, and that while the King did a horrible thing by marrying you off at age 10, he was not a complete monster and we should remember him that way."
"Oh, thank you. Thank you for telling me all this. I will always love you."
"And I will always love you too."
 
> You say "Now get dressed. We must attend our father's funeral."
Your sister nods and follows you out of the room. As soon as they're gone, you turn back around to face your sister.
 
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing...just thinking about what you said."
 
> You take Princess Elena to your chambers and summon Rose, the maid.
"Go help my sister get dressed, Rose. She has to attend our father's funeral."
"But..."
"No buts! Now get going!"
The maid obeys immediately and leaves, leaving you alone once again in your own dressing room.
 
> You change clothes into full plate armour.
As soon as you exit the dressin groom, you feel a strange sensation. It feels like something is blocking your mind from entering the rest of your body.
 
> You facepalm. You say "Not again that succubus", then you tell her again to go seduce some catgirl or something.
"Well, I guess it works."
"It doesn't work?"
"Of course it doesn't work. The only thing that can happen is that you die horribly, which isn't really my style anyway."
 
> You ignore the succubus, clap down the helmet visor, point at the silver holy symbol mounted on the royal armor battle helmet, and tell the succubus to get stuffed.
"Get the **** out of here!"
"Huh? What? Are you serious?"
"I am serious. I am banishing you by the power of this holy symbol!"
 
 
> You say "Why the hell do you think I changed into this overdecorated walking can? Protection against physical AND spiritual attacks, bitch!"
"Because you have a temper tantrum fetish. And I don't ******* care if you are right or wrong about that, but it doesn't make you any less of an idiot."
 
You laugh bitterly.
 
> You ignore the succubus taunts and banish her.
"Banished."
You enjoy the peace now that the succubus is gone. 
 
> You think that you didn't don your armor not even one action - err, minute too soon and congratulate yourself for your knowledge of literary convenience.
"I'm not going into the next battle without some fire protection, that's for sure."
You put your helmet back on and check the time. It's almost time for the funeral already.
 
> You ask Elena if she is ready.
"Yes, I'm ready."
"Good. Let's go."
You walk towards the door and open it. A few guards stand outside, one of them says "Welcome to the Royal Family,"
 
> You attend the funeral.
You enter the hall where the coffin is being carried by several people. They are carrying it slowly up a set of stairs, with you following behind them. When the coffin reaches the top, you see a large wooden cross hanging from the ceiling.
 
"Father!" A voice calls out.
A man wearing black robes stands before you.
 
> You quietly order the guards to find out who the man is.
"Who is he?" You demand.
"He's the priest of Dorna, Your Majesty." One of the guards replies.
"Oh good, that makes me happy. A priest."
The priest smiles at you and bows his head.
"Do you know why I am here?" You ask.
 
 
>You are incredibly glad that the shout of "father" related to the priest's title and not to any last minute adition to your already higly interesting family troubles...
"Yes, I know why you are here."
You extend your arm, and the priest repeats the same action.
 
> You wait for the funeral to end.
The priest nods and starts to make the sign of the crosses.
"May Dorna bless you with her light, and keep you safe under her shadow, forever."
 
> You tell the priest to come with you to the throne room for your formal coronation.
The priest nods, and the procession begins to end.
The first part of the journey is a long walk through several hallways, ending up in a dimly lit room.
 
> You scan for the obvious goblin ambush or doppleganger trick or Felian plot or lesbian harem that is certain to happen in the dimly lit room.
You scan for ambushes. You can't find anything obvious, but then you never usually come here anyway.
 
"So, this is the judgment room?" You ask aloud, echoing your surroundings.
"Correct." The priest replies.
You arrive to the throne room. You walk to the throne and sit on it, waiting for the priest to put the royal crown on your head.
"We should ****** the king and queen to the palace soon, they will be very happy." The priest says.
You feel the crown, it's light, but it has a good solid feel to it.
 
> You say "Is- is this... priest who is crowning me unaware that he just buried the old King and that his Queen, my mother, is long dead? What now, he's gonna babble about how mawage, mawage es vot bwings us togethar... todey? Because if he does, I can expand th eroyal command of the chihuauas any time."
You smile.
The priest looks at you confused.
"Or maybe not..."
"I'll take that zuicerso as a no, Your Majesty.
 
> You say "Just put the crown on my head and get on with it, priest"
The priest nods.
"Very well, Your Majesty."
The priest walks over to the crown, and kneels down. He puts the crown on your head, and stands up.
 
> You stand up, draw your father's sword high, swear to protect your kingdom and your vassals, do the whole "veryly, this crown is us, and we shall murder the **** of whoever tries to take it from us" canned speech.
You stand, holding the sword high.
"I swear to protect this crown with my life, and by the souls of those who died so that I may sit on it!" You roar.
The priest smiles.
 
> You take your little sister's arm and sit her beside you in the Crown Prince's throne.
You stand, and walk down the aisle of the large, crowdedthrone room. You spot your little sister, waiting patiently.
"Elena." You say.
She turns, and smiles. She takes your arm, and you guide her to her place in the smaller throne to the right of your own.
 
> You say "Our first royal command as Queen of Larion is to order our armies to mobilize and march against Northumbria, to punish the unforgivable ofences that Chieftain Aethelwulf commited against the person of Crown Princess Elena, our sister. His head shall decorate the walls of our city as an example."
There is a murmur through the crowds of nobles.
"We have spoken." You reply.
You stand, and take the hand of your sister.
 
> You stand up and guide Elena to the council room.
You stand up, and guide your sister along the path towards the council room. You take her through the courtyard, to the large oak door that leads inside.
 
> You order the guards to summon Captain Rose, Captain Robert, Heather and Helena.
The guards nod, and go off to do your bidding. Several minutes later, the four come out of the small lounge where they were waiting.
 
> You sit down at the head of the council table and ask them all to get seated.
You all sit down, and you take a deep breath.
"Alright. Now that we're all here, let's get started. We have a lot to discuss." You say.
"We?" Heather asks.
 
> You say "Yes, we. All six of us. We are all in the same boat."
"I don't understand." Heather says.
 
> You say "Guards, leave us alone and close the door from the outside. Rose, please close the door from the inside, too."
The guards nod, and go along their way. The door shuts, and you turn to your sister and friends.
"I'll be straight with you all. We're in a bit of a pickle."
 
> You say "On the positive, my sister's ghost pregnacy is not going to be a problem, her farcical forced marriage has been dealt with, and a good little war against an easy external enemy will help with the rebelions."
"Rebelions?" Heather asks.
"Yes, the ones that started all this trololo - err, adventure, the ones that Rose was secretly part of."
"I don't understand." Robert says.
 
> You say "I'll let her explain that to you - later."
"Alright, I'll explain everything, but first we need to decide what we're going to do with the prisoners."
"We just executed eighteen men for treason, surely they don't deserve executioner." Heather says.
 
> You say "First, they have not been executed, just thrown into jail. Second, every last one of them deserved it. And third, we have far worse problems. Are you ready to hear them?"
"Sure." Heather says.
"Well, we need a plan of action. Prisoners or not, we still need to fight the Felian conspiracy."
"We can deal with the Felian conspiracy later."
 
> You say "Inquisitor Kannish was not the man who killed my father the King."
"What, really?" Heather asks.
"Yes, you knew that, right? You didn't think that was the real traitor, because it isn't.
 
> You say "I'm sorry for having lied to you. I took the chance to kill Kannish and put the blame on him because I despite the Inquisition and have sworn to destroy it since I was a child. "
"What? No, that's not it! I was just surprised to hear you'd been lying for so long!
 
> You say "So long? It has been less than a day!"
"I know, I know. I'm just finding it strangely easy to lie. I'm probably just getting used to it."
 
> You say "Heather, you have been hiding that you are a vampire for years. Don't ever say again you are just getting used to lying."
"I suppose you have a point." Heather says.
"We still need a plan for the prisoners." Robert points out.
 
> You say "Later, Captain. We have more urgent things to do. We have to find out who the real murderer of my father, your King, really was."
"Well, it doesn't really matter now, does it?" Heather says.
 
> You say "Are you nuts? Of course it matters. The murderer is at large and could strike again. "
"True, but..."
"But what? We have any more important things to take care of?"
"Yeah, because the situation is a really bad one."
"What do you mean? Out with it."
"Well, remember when I said there were other enemies of the kingdom?"
"Yeah."
"Well, one of those enemies has just reared his ugly head."
"What, the qweepas?"
"The very same. We've recently had a massive infestation of those annoying little monsters.
 
> You ask about queepas.
"What's a queepa?"
"They're these little furry vicious monsters that hop around on one foot, and bite people's heads off", says Robert.
"That's horrible!
 
> You say "Why couldn't they be catgirls?"
"Look, they're not actually that bad, they just bite your hand if you try to pet them.
"Then we must eliminate them."
"Well... we had an attempt to poison them, but the local farmers didn't take kindly to that, so they made their own deal with the feiliasts and the queepas have been running around with little bows and arrows ever
 
> You do double Picard maneuver.
"I've got no time for that, we must act now!", you say
"Fine, but what are we going to do?", asks Robert
 
> You say "Captain Robert, have all the fields around the city and castle to be full of caltrops so people walking on two foot can avoid them, but monsters hopping on one stab themselves on them. That shall teach them!"
"Wait! That's a horrible idea!
"Why? It'll work."
"Because you've never tried to ride a queepa before?"
"Heather has!"
"And she managed. Besides, who says they can only jump on one foot?"
 
> You say "You just did. Three paragraphs ago. Were you lying?"
"I was being metaphorical."
"Metaphors don't work. I'm not a fop.
 
> You say "So that solves the queepa problem - or at least moves it down the priorities list. Can we now get back to find the murdered of my royal father, gentlemen?"
"Oh. Right.", says Robert.
"Right.", say the Felian guards.
 
> You do a spit take, then find out why the hell the guards can be Felians.
You wake up in the middle of the night with a mighty thirst.
You sit up and take stock of yourself. You have a pretty good idea of where you are.
All the morning events were a premonition? Or a dream? You aren't sure.
You watch in amazement how the events of that morning unfold themselves as you remember them, word by word, acton by action, until that fateful moment right before you woke up. You're not sure if it's a premonition, or a vision - but you feel certain that this is somehow connected to the Sword of Eddis.
You check the room for groundhogs, then you say "So that solves the queepa problem - or at least moves it down the priorities list. Can we now get back to find the murdered of my royal father, gentlemen?"
"Oh. Right.", says Robert. This time, no Felian guard interrupts you. 
 
> You say "Heather, what do you know about the Sword of Eddis?"
"It's an ancient sword, forged from a magic black metal. It has been said to he who carries it will be the last true king of the Nalin Empire, and bring everlasting glory to it.
 
> You say "Oh, a damn sidequest. Well, that can also wait. Now, can we go back to finding out the bloody murderer of our father? And that is a rethoric question, you all have been warned."
"I think we should still look for the sword first, don't you.", asks Robert.
 
> You say "Robert, do you want to be demoted to manure gathering duties RIGHT NOW?"
"No.", he answers.
 
> You say "Then forget about the ******* sword!"
"I will.", he says.
"What?" you ask.
"I'll forget about the sword of Eddis, if that's what you want. I'll find another way to make myself useful."
 
> You say "Now, as for finding out who murdered the king... we can rule out Helena's family. We know his death was a surprise for them. Who else is in the list of suspects?"
"Well, there's the baronets, a fellow by the name of Drake, the Felians, the Slin Srogh..."
You and Robert look at each other.
 
> You say "Robert, did Argor manage to find out anything about those two wizards?"
"Yeah, actually he did. They're called Calwin and T'***, and they're something like hedge wizards or witches."
"So, they're bad news. I suppose we should talk to them then."
 
> You say "Robert, I know T'*** had conections to the usksha. What can you tell me about the usksha?"
"Um, not much. They're desert nomads, but really far away. You have to ride for several days to reach their lands.
 
> You say "Heather, what do you know about them?"
"Not much. We know they ride vicious horses and some of them can control those horses by speaking to them."
"I think I know who we should talk to first."
 
> You say "Captain Rose, what do you know about them?"
"They're two necromancers that have been at the fortress for a very long time, and well respected by everyone.
 
> You say "And about the usksha?"
"They aren't human.", Rose answers.
"WHAT?" you and Robert exclaim.
"Oh, dear. Now I have a bad feeling about this.
 
> You say "Rose, what do you mean they are not human?"
"Well, it's a little hard to describe. But essentially, they're... demons. I assume you've heard of the infernal realm?
 
> You touch the holy symbol you used to banish the succubus and answer "Let's say I've had a bit of first hand experience on the matter."
"Well, then you know damn well that we cannot let demons through. It would be instant death for the mortals and I can't imagine they'd find our world interesting at all.
 
> You sigh deeply, think for yourself that the reunion seemed too sane to last, then ask Heather if she can comfirm if the usksha are demons or humans.
"Demon", Heather answers.
"Well, I can't imagine anything that's not human is going to care what we do.", you say. "
"Correct.", Rose adds.
 
> You ask Helena if the usksha had any relationship with her family's conspiration.
"Zero", she answers.
"Interesting.", you remark. "We should track them down and kill them."
"Well, I think we should try to find out more about the usksha first."
 
> You look at Princess Elena.
 
"They're monkey people with green skin and they can talk with the birds and the insects."
You eye the princess, who is gazing into space with a faraway look.
"Did they..."
 
> You check Elena's goblet for wine.
There's still a little bit of wine in the goblet.
 
 
> You say "Go to bed Elena your drunk"
Elena nods, and slumps in her chair.
 
"Ah! Fantastic!", Rose says. "We can continue this in the morning."
 
> You look sternly at Rose, then ask "Rose, do you really think a 12 old little princess with the body mass and the liver of a butterfly should be gulping down goblets of wine before midd-morning?
"Well, you can still drink from the bottle if you want.", Rose says. "But I meant have some more..."
"Have some more what?"
"You know, female...plicetry.
 
> You say "Rose, my head literally has access to all the information of the world as if I could ask a magic worldwide web of information about the meaning of words, and even so it took me ten seconds to process your words. Which you are using incorrectly, by the way. Are you feeling all right?", then you check Rose's own goblet for wine.
"Hm, no that's good.", Rose says.
You realize your sister was drunk and you can safely disregard her remmarks about monkey people. Well, likely you can. But you are lost at words about why Rose would want to get your little sister drunk. You would never consider doing something like that.
"Elena's had enough, so you can have my goblet as long as you promise me you won't get drunk."
"Okay.", Rose replies.
 
> You say "Rose, you weren't trying to get my imouto drunk to get us into some weird shit, right? Because if you were, I swear to God I can replace the chihuahuas with rabid chinchillas. My. Sister. Is. Off. Limits."
"No! Of course not! I wouldn't do that. I was just trying to convince her that we could probably get along. If we work together.
 
> You facepalm.
"It's okay, sis. Everyone deals with weird shit every now and then.", you tell her, then led her to a couch.
 
> You say "Heather, if Rose EVER tries to get me into a lesbian harem, you have my permission to turn her into your thrall"
"Ha! Nice deal. I accept.", Heather says.
Elena nods at you.
"The others are probably more likely to help us after they get drunk, though.", she remarks.
You nod back. 
"Enough underage drinking for today, sister. Take a nap."
 
 
> You say "Let's get this powpow back to track. To recap: the suspects of killing my father the King are the baronets, a fellow by the name of Drake of whom I know nothing else, the Felians (excluding Helena's family), other svelk families that could be conspirating at the same time, the Slin Srogh... whatever that is, and those mages with connections with desert demons who tried to barge into my throne room to boss me as soon as my royal butt was seated on my late father's throne. Am I forgetting anyone?"
 
The list is so damn long that you and your advisors just sigh at each other.
 
> You say "Heather, what is the Sling Srogh?"
 
Heather blushes again, but as she takes a swill of her wine."Huh? Oh, the little green men from the moon that ride around on their obsidian flying horses.", Heather answers.
"Did I hear a 'little' in there somewhere? They are little and green."
 
> You order Heather to stop drinking... wine.
 
Rose chuckles, then says"Heather, you're already drinking more than I am! The rest of you should order her to stop before she does something stupid...".
 
> You shoot an angry look at Rose, then say "Stupid like trying to get my sister drunk?"
Rose is quiet, then sighs and shuts up.
 
> You ask Robert to tell you what he knows about the Sling Srogh.
You tell Robert to start from the beginning. He does so, giving you a fairly in-depth explanation of the Sling Srogh.
They are a female only Elven tribe that lives to the East, and with whom the King had an unsteady truce. They're known to be fierce warriors, and have a minor magic presence.
They do have greenish skin, but they ar enot from the moon, nor do they have obsidian horses. They're just slender greenish humanoid that ride around on large lizards, although that description could also fit the Kaan.
As Robert begins to tell you about this, you get distracted with a thought.
 
> You raise an eyebrow at the mention of "female only Elven tribe" and take a mental note to never, ever send Rose as ambassador to them.
Heather hears your cynical comment and laughs.
"Oh, that's a good one, sir! I'll be sure to use it in the future.", Heather says.
 
 
> You ask about that fellow known as Drake.
 
Heather explains how Drake was most likely just an opportunistic baron trying to make a quick buck.
"Also, he's dead, sir.", Heather says.
You nod.
 
> You ask how he died.
 
"My father killed him, sir.", Rose says softly.
"Hm.", you reply, still lost in thought.
"Una? You surprised me there. What were you wondering about?
 
> You ask Rose if Drake was one of the rebels.
Rose says, "Yeah. He was one of the rebel group that have been trying to topple the king for years.
 
> You say "Rose, you admitted you were a rebel sympathizer. Why did your father kill the rebel?"
"Uh... well, we... The Baron and I had a... dispute, sir. And my father sided with the king, and killed Drake.
 
> You ask about what kind of dispute.
Rose begins to explain this dispute with a great deal of hesitation, until you interrupt.
"Do you want to tell me, or do I need to guess?"
"Aw, guess, Una!", Heather laughs.
 
> You say "Given your historial, I bet it has something to do with harems."
"No, my Queen. That's just not it. He wanted me for himself. I think he doesn't like sharing.", Rose laughs.
Heather snorts with laughter again.
 
> You say "Rose, I KNEW it had something to do with harems. Let me see if I am guessing this correctly: he asked your hand and/or wanted you as his mistress, I don't ******* care which at this point, and you refused because you basically wanted "to share". Am I correct so far?"
Rose nods vigorously.
"Yes, my Queen", Rose says. "That is the root of the problem."
"So, what was your solution? Did the king know about this man?" Heather asks.
 
> You say "I KNEW it would have something to do with harems. I guess he tried to take it to the King, my father refused (I just hope he didn't want you for himself, I have enough emotional baggage to deal with already), and your father sided with mine and killed him in outrage. Is that what happened, Rose?"
"Yes, my Queen.", Rose replies.
Heather smiles.
"I see... That is a very good solution, indeed.", Heather says.
 
> You say "well, that's one less suspect to worry about. Rose, why didn't your brother Robert know about this?"
"Well... Uh... We never told him. We just took care to make sure none of the other nobles knew either, since they might've wanted revenge.
 
> You say "We all have or little secrets, my friends. Moving on. Next suspect- the baronets. How widespread is the discontent against the Crown among the minor nobles? Or was it directed against the King personally?"
"Well, uh... we're not sure.", Rose says.
"We don't know if it's popular or not. We do know it's against the king and his family, though.", Robert says.
 
> You say "Given my father's... personality, I can understant there being resentment against him. But - against our beloved mother, the late Queen? Or against poor little Princess Elena? That's absurd!"
"Well, I mean... uh...I...", Rose stutters.
You both stare at Rose, who seems to be struggling to find an answer.
"Okay. Look. We don't know for sure why it's against the royal family, but...", she says, struggling to find words.
"But what, Rose? Spit it out.", you say.
"Well... There's a rumor going around that the late queen was... you know... sleeping with...", Rose says, trailing off.
"With who, dear?", you ask.
"With...", Rose says, hesitating.
"With YOU, my Queen.", Robert says.
"WHAT?!", you interrupt.
Everyone but Rose and Robert looks at you.
 
> You say "We, the Queen, hereby order the legend "Hoc Unum Stercum Fornicate, Ego Abeo" to be added to our coat of arms."
You stare at them incredulously.
"What...?!", you say.
"That's ridiculous!", you say, turning to Robert. "...No offense, Robert."
Rose and Robert share a look of embarrassment.
 
> You decide that enough is enough.
"I'm not a damn fool! Those baronets can kiss my royal ass! This is ridiculous!"
 
You drop your usual cheerful attitude and snarking. Your eyes narrow into two slits, hard as agates. Your tone drops one octave, your voice becomes a whisper and your words are deadly serious when you say:
"If any of those aristocrats so much as even THINK about making trouble for us, they'll be crushed under my heel."
You stand up.
 
> You say "You will find them all. Robert, Rose: use all the soldiers you need. Helena: use every spy trick you know. Heather; use whatever vampire power you have. I don't care. But as soon as this reunion ends, you WILL find whoever was spreading that rumor about our mother and me. You WILL find them, and you WILL bring their heads to my presence. That's not just a request from your friend: that's a royal command. "
You turn away from them, and begin walking towards the doorway to the garden.
"I'll be back when I calm myself.", you say without turning around.
"Yes, your highness.", Rose says nervously.
 
> You walk around the garden to calm yourself.
You look at the flowers in the garden for a moment, taking in their beauty. Then, you look up at the sky. It's a perfect day, and you can feel the Sun's warmth on your face. It's so bright that it almost seems false. You find yourself longing for the night to come out, so you can watch the full moon.
Suddenly, you are hit with a powerful sense of deja vu. It's the same feeling you had that night on the moors, when Mother chose you over her powers. You reach for your sword, as a feeling of extreme fear fills your soul. You hear a snarl from behind you, and turn around quickly.
You find yourself staring into the eyes of a great black wolf.
 
> You clap your visor down.
You feel warmth on your face, and realize that the visor is gone. Your hands are empty, and you have no idea where the wolf is.
 
> You say "Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot?"
You smile weakly, and shake your head.
"I don't think so."
Your smile disappears.
"I won't beg. I'll die first."
You shake your head, and begin walking away. You walk until the familiar weight of your armor returns, and you realize you are back in the garden.
You realize the confrontation you just had was just an ilusion. The wolf was just the heat of your blood, trying to tell you that you don't have time to try to kill them all.
 
> You breathe deeply, calm yourself, then return to the council room.
You walk back to the council room, putting your hands in your overcoat. You walk into the room, and stop, feeling an immense weariness fill you.
 
> You say "I'm back. New orders. Do find the slandering baroners, but do not kill them. Just throw them in jail to cool off. What's twenty more prisoners betwen friends? But make sure to express them my... royal displeasure, in no uncertain termns."
Heather looks at you, nodding slowly. She seems to understand the weight of your words.
"Yes, my Queen.", she says, then immediately salutes, and takes her leave immediately.
 
> You say "Wait here, Heather. I still need your advice."
Heather nods, then waits patiently for you.
Your adisors stand at attention as you approach the table. Rose looks up from her book with a frown, but doesn't say anything.
"Rose? I..."
 
> You say "...I can't believe I'm saying this, but I need you to investigate the Slin Srogh while Helena investigates the Svelk families."
"Yes, my queen." Rose stands up, and leaves to follow her orders.
You all hear a little, joyful cheering through the closed door as soon as Rose leaves the room. You feel a pang of guilt, and you're not even sure why.
Helena approaches you, a large book in her hands.
"What went on with Rose?", she asks.
 
> You say "I think I gave her her dream assignment. Is that book what I think it is - a genealogy of the noble Svelk families? Or is another of your shenanigans?"
"You can laugh now, but read the book, Una. You may find something to your benefit in it."
Helena holds out the book, and you take it cautiously. It is indeed the book you thought it was.
 
> You read the book on Svelk noble families.
You open the book to the first page, and begin reading. The first couple pages are filled with Svelk genealogy, going back several centuries. You gloss over these quickly, and turn to the table of contents. There are several more entries in this book about the Svelk than you ever could have known about. None of them good.
Helena grabs the book from your hands.
 
> You wait for Helena to point you the Svelk families who were most likely to have ordered the murder of the King.
"You think we should check out the families who were in the most power when the king was assassinated? Seems reasonable enough.", you say.
"Yep. I had a feeling you'd approve of this plan. Let's go. If we hurry, we can get a good seat at the game tonight."
"What game?", you ask.
"The one the families are playing to decide who'll be the next King.
 
> You say "That game is over. I am the Queen."
Helena bursts into laughter.
"News don't travel that fast", Helena says. "We can still catch the late players."
"Are you serious? I thought the game was taking place on the streets of Delerg right now.
"The game is taking place everywhere", Helena answers.
You sigh.
 
> You say "Helena, by "game" you mean "plots, espionage and backstabbing", right?"
"Yep."
 
> You say "So I thought. Heather, new orders. Belay the chastisement of the slandering baronets. Concentrate instead with Helena in catching as many Felians or Svelk players of that silly Game of Thrones as you can find in our streets. You two may go now. I trust you two."
"Yes, my queen.", Heather and Helena say in unison, and leave the queen's throne room.
You sigh again.
"You catch on quick, Una.", Robert remarks.
 
> You say "Robert. I do not think the baronets are the ones who killed my father."
"Then who is it, Your Majesty?"
"I dunno, but I doubt they are. They hated my father, but they feared him."
"My thoughts exactly.", he adds.
 
> You say "And their slandering was directed against my mother and me. No, they would have tried to kill me, not him. They are guilty, but not of this crime."
"I agree with you, my queen. I believe it was a political assassination.
 
> You say "Use your soldiers to round them up. But do not neglect the castle's safety. I know I told you to use them all, but that order was excessive. I trust you will do your job, Captain."
"Of course, my queen.", he says.
 
> You say "This reunion is over. Please, call for a maid to help me take my inhebriated preteen sister to her room. Preferibly that maid that shares name with your sister Rose - I don't see why I should fight the crazy that permeates this court."
"As you wish, my queen", Robert says. 
The young princess is currently asleep in a couch.
As you prepare to leave the council room, Rose the maid comes to help you take Elena to her room.  Along the way you find Heather standing over a slumped and still unconscious body of a baronet, with her dagger drawn.
 
> You sigh and carry on pretending you saw nothing. "I have enough shenanigans for today", you think.
"No!" Heather exclaims, and stabs the baronet with her dagger.
Heather cringes as he begins to slowly get up while holding his stomach, looking at Heather with hatred.
 
> You leave Heather to her merry musements, order Rose the maid to ignore the bloodied tapestries for now, and take Elena to her chambers.
You carry your drunken teenage sister to her room, as she begins to wake up.
"Ugh... Where am I?" she says groggily.
 
> You say "Your room, sis. Rose put wine in your water goblet. "
Elena groans while rubbing her head.
"That. Was. Dumb.", she says, while trying to stand up.
"No, your acting was dumb", you reply. "Flying monkeys? Really?"
"At least I'm not hung over as hell", she says, while pulling off her shoes.
"You will be, no doubt."
As you hear a knock on the door, Rose the maid opens it.
A guard is outside. "Apologies for not coming in sooner, Your Majestries. There was a commotion going on down stairs, and..."
"It's fine. Nothing serious I hope...", you reply - then you trail off. Something just caught your eye.
"Yes, no my queen, thank you my queen", the guard says.
You look at the back of Rose's head... Then you see cat's ears pointing from below her coiff.
"Una, what's the matter?" Elena says, as you spin Rose around.
The maid turns, and a fluffy tail uncoils from beneath her apron.
"A catgirl", you say.
Elena stares at Rose's ears, and then back at her face, as the maid blushes.
 
> You literally genuflect.
"Oh My God!" you say. "Praised be Thy name!"
Elena walks up to Rose, who is still in shock.
"Are you a catgirl?"
"Yes I am. I mean, yes my princess!" I'm one of the many of my kind, your highness. Don't make a fuss, please."
"What's your name?"
"Uh... Rose, your highness.", Rose stutters nervously.
"Hah. Isn't that the same name as Una's knight?"
"Yes, your highness."
Elena sighs. "How original.", she says, rolling her eyes.
She turns to you.
 
> You take a good look at the catgirl.
You stare at Rose for a while, as the maid glares at you.
"Well, it's the best you're getting. I told you, please, don't make a fuss."
"Fine."
You take a look at the catgirl, ignoring the strange looks from Rose.
She's a bit shorter than you are, with lightly tanned skin, and... Wait a minute. 
YOU blush! How is she able to turn the skin on her face darker, just by frowning?!
The fur on her arms is a light tan, and... Wait a minute. Her ears!
You grab Rose's ears.
"Hey, what are you doing!" Rose yelps, as you pull her forward.
You stare intently at her pointed ears. Yes! They're fluffy! They're so fluffy! Like a cat's, but so much softer!
 
> You say "I have been searching, I have been researching, I have been asking and I have been looking for catgirls since this whole thing started. And all this time, the answer to my quest was in front of me. I have been blind!"
"Oh, what are you doing...?" Rose asks nervously, as you stare into her eyes.
"You're a catgirl. I can tell", you reply, dropping your hands to her shoulders.
 
> You realize you are repeating yourself and shake your head to clear your mind.
"You're a ******* catgirl! And a pretty one at that!"
Rose is speechless.
"I can't believe it! I can't ******* believe this!", you continue, as Rose starts laughing.
 
> You apologize for your totally involuntary outburst of profanity.
"Sorry, I'm just stunned. It's not often you find a catgirl in the employ of a human queen. It's even rarer to find one who seems to actually be enjoying it!"
 
> You say "Rose, do you have any other name besides just Rose?"
"Huh?" she asks, before pausing for a moment. "Oh! The... the name's Fluffy.", she says with a smile.
"My friends call me Fluffy.", she continues.
 
> You use every ounce of willpower to supress a totally moment-killing eyeroll, then ask her if she doesn't mind her Queen calling her "Fluffy"
"It's fine. Honestly, it's fine."
"Well, that's good. I mean, it's not like you're in a position to question it. But anyways I hate to call people things they don't like."
 
> You say "Very well, Fluffy. From this moment on, you are appointed as my personal maid. Report in my chambers as soon as you have informed the Chamberlain of your new duties."
"Right away, my Queen!"
Before leaving the room, Fluffy smiles at you as she walks past.
"Thank you for being so open-minded, my queen. I'll go to my post immediately."
"See you later, Fluffy.
Elena pouts.
"She's a catgirl. She's a catgirl, can you believe it? I wanted a catgirl maid, too, and you took the only one we found!"
You sigh, and then laugh. You rub your face with your hands, then look at your sister.
"Sorry, finder's keepers. What I mean is, I'll find you another one, some other catgirl that can actually do the damn job."
Elena smiles at your attempt at a joke.
 
> You say "Besides, I called dibs on the catgirls since many, many pages ago"
"Well, I lucked out, I got dibs on the succubus who was going to be our butler.", she says.
 
> You say "Oh, THAT succubus? She tried to possess me twice and I had to show her who's boss. Tough break, sis."
"She was a bitch to you?"
 
> You say "Operative word being "was". "Bitch" was actually the banishing word."
"Yeah, but still. You don't think she's going to try to get revenge or something?"
"She could try, I suppose... but I can honestly say she's never going to bother me again."
 
> You say "Because now I got a catgirl maid! Gleeeeeee!"
Elena smiles.
"Catgirl huh? I've always wondered what they looked like. I'm glad you're excited, so..."
Elena trails off and blushes. You quickly come to realize that your sister did not trail off by accident.
You: "
 
> You say "Are you also thinking I will do naughty things with the catgirl maid? "
"Ooooooh...!"
Elena stumbles over her words, stumbling over her own tongue, which makes you realize something.
You: "Or do you-"
You suddendly realize Elena has A LOT of pent up... THINGS.
"Sis, you're being weird. Like, really ******* weird. You don't have a crush on MY catgirl.
 
> You say "This conversation is suddendly weirding me out. I'm gonna go watch Heather murdering a baronet or something like that. I need some stability in my life."
Elena has no words to respond with.
You walk away from your sister, leaving her behind and head into the gardens.
 
> You think about why every single woman around you seems to be a ragin lesbo.
Thinking about it, you begin to think back to your time around the court.
You remember Mary, the girl you had a big crush on before meeting Heather.
You: "Wait. No. **** no. This can't be right. It feels weird even thinking it, let along being true."
Going back through your memories of the various ladies in and out of the royal court, you remember that nearly all of them were attractive in some way. Some were average, a few below that, but their figure, skin, hair, eyes, lips, everything was pleasing to the eye in some way.
You: "Wait. Is this... because I'm a lesbian, too? I don't know. Maybe there is such a thing as a lesbian's attractiveness?"
You decide to try and ask someone.
 
> You make "Choo, choo" noises as the game tries to railroad you into a lesbian orgy of some sort and go find what shenanigans the bunch of buffoons you call advisors are up to.
The games advisors are indeed up to no good. Thankfully, you're an outsider.
Helena and Heather are trying to talk to a very drunk Robert about some sort of... religious text?
Heather: "So, Robert, what do you think of the new temple design?"
Robert: "Boobs!"
Helena: "Robert! Language!
 
> You nope, nope, nope.
You decide not to play this game anymore. It tries to **** with you every single time, and it's only getting worse.
 
> You go to the royal library.
The royal library is, as you suspected, pretty empty.
You find several books on the subject of necromancers and learn quite a bit.
 
> You investigate the two necromancers that are known to asociate with the usksha.
Calwin and T'***.
These are the necromancers who seem to be the closest with the usksha.
As far as you can tell, they've trained the usksha to be necromancers, but what they've been doing with them is unknown.
 
> You investigate the usksha.
The usksha are a nation of desert nomads that seem to have very little hierarchy.
Their skin seems to be a slightly darker version of "white" but that's about it.
They are constantly at war with a nation of woodland elves known as the sylvan League, but they seem to make compromises sometimes to get resources and other things from the elven lands.
They are reputed to be demons, but they are actually genies.They have great afinity for dance and music.
The most interesting thing about them, however, is that they are completely secluded from the rest of the world.
 
> You close the book.
Too much information. You feel like you're going to get headaches from all this reading.
 
> You say "Well, this has been useful. They seem not to be organized enough to orchestrate and execute the assassination of a king outside of their lands. I can remove them from the list of suspects."
Elena: "Excellent! I'm glad you had fun, too, 'Queen'. Next on the list?
 
> You say "Sister? What are you doing here?"
Elena: "I'm here to help! I want to find who was Father's killer!"
 
> You say "You are right; you have the right to be here. Well, since the desert genies' only threat to me seems to be the danger of Rose trying to give me a literal bellydancing genies harem, we can move to the next "candidate" of the list. "
Elena: "Yes, sister. Who is the next one?"
You: "
 
> You say "To recap: That guy called Drake was already dead, the baronets are guilty of slandering but not of murder, Helena's svelk family is ruled out, Rose is investigating the all-female elves (God help us), and Heather and Helena are investigating the Felians and the other svelk families. That leaves us with no suspect to investigate ourselves. Do you want us to go investigate the elves? Or do you want us to go investigate the svelks and Felians? Or we could search if there's any other lead..."
Elena: "I want you to investigate the svelk.
 
> You say "Thank you, sister. The very idea of getting anywhere near Rose and a bunch of all-female elves..." you shudder.
Elena: "Oh, yes.
Elena and you leave the library searching for the Svelk woman.
 
>You find Helena and Heather with some ease. You only need to follow the trail of beaten baronets, stabbed Svelk would-be-assassins, blood stains and human theet. You find the two woman in 
a dark, secluded alleyway.
Heather is on her knees, with a dagger in her stomach. She's alive, but bleeding profusely. She looks at you, lying on the dirt.
 
> You say "Heather, ferchrissake, you are a (literally) goddamned vampire and that dagger can not kill you. Stop the theatrics and report what did Helena and you find out."
Heather slowly stands up.
Heather: "The Svelk woman's name is Helena. She has fled."
You: "Helena? Why? What the hell happened?"
Heather: "She claims that Rose stabbed her in the back and ran away."
 
 
>You: "Literal, or rhetorically? Because they were up to some weird shenanigans yesternight"
"Rhetorically, Una"
"Interesting. Well, let's follow up on that. Where's Helena now?
Heather: "She's gone to check if Rose is somewhere in the palace. I believe she'll try one of the outlying manors.
 
> You say "Rosa can't be anywhere in the palace. She is riding as fast as she can towards the land of the all-female elves. Let's go find Helena and try to get her to explain what you two found."
Elena: "Right, because I am sick of this waiting around. Let's go."
The three of you leave the alleyway, searching for the Svelk former spy woman. After a while, you find her in a small gladiator's barracks, attempting to take a nap.
 
> You say "Of all the weird sites to find her... All right, Helena, your Queen commands you to WAKE UP! "
Helena slowly opens her eyes, and sits up. She yawns, looking around.
"Where am I?" she asks.
 
> You say "Hell of a hangover, right, dear? You are about to explain me what did you and Heather find out about the implication of the Svelk families and the Felian cult in the King's murder."
Helena: "Indeed. What did you find out?"
Heather: "About th-why the hell are you telling ME to explain it, anyway? Go ahead, Helena.
 
> You tap your foot impatiently with an annoyed face.
Heather: "Now, now, dear. You don't want to do that. Why don't you tell us the whole story from the beginning?
Helena: "Because that was just ****** up. I mean... I found out that a bastard son of the Svelk King, probably a Felian himself, killed the King and planned to kill his entire family.
 
> You say "Well, it seems we can recall Rose. She will regret the loss of the chance to get me an Elvish harem, but We can endure her frustration with great fortitude."
Helena: "Oh? Well, I guess..." she pauses, and smiles.
 
> You say "Does that bastard son of the Svelk King have a name?"
"Mihrab"
"Well, we'll have to take care of him, then. We can't have a potential enemy that powerful running around."
"What?!" Heather exclaims.
"Mihrab was the real name of Inqisitor Kannish!"
Elena: "Well, that's just perfect...!"
"What?!" you exclaim.
 
> You say "Are you saying that the man I killed as a scapegoat to get rid of the Inquisition and blamed as the murderer of my father was, actually, the murder of my father?"
"Well... it would seem so. Taking into consideration the fact that we discovered the Inquisition was completly infiltrated by demon-worshiping Felians we can only presume he was severely magically-enhanced when he killed your father."
 
> You bang your head against the wall. Realize your helmet is on. Remove your helmet. Bang your head again. And again. And again.
"This is just great. Just ******* great!" you shout.
 
> You say "Know what? That's enough. I'm calling this a day. Let's get a happy ending."
Two Years Later...
It has been an eventful two years since the assassination of the King.
Rose has negotiated a succesful alliance with the Slin Srogh Elves. 
 
 
>Heather has negotiated another successful alliance with the usksha genies and Helena has swayed the Svelk families for your cause.
 
 
Robert lead a successful assault on the Northumbrian proinces, although they fail to capture the city of Sivak. 
 
Elena informs you that the Felians have been suffering a steady attrition of members, which has allowed the shadows to be accepted into the gladiator matches and into the armed forces.
The Inquisition has been disbanded and replaced with a constabulary. 
Some of the most troublesome inquisitors have been sent to the newly-constructed Felian province to keep them out of trouble.
Helena has tried to convince the Emperor that you should be awarded the title of Shadow Masters, but he feels that such a high honor should be reserved for those already considered "heroes" of the Empire.
 
> You feel safe in the throne for the first time.
"This is a new beginning," you whisper to yourself, strolling through the throne room. "A new dawn for us..."
 
> You summon Fluffy to the throne room.
Fluffy arrives, winking at you.
"Have we got a treat for you!" she says.
You look at the girl tied to the chair, gagged and blindfolded.
 
> You facepalm, then weep.
"What can I do to help you, cute one?" you ask.
The girl looks up at you desperately.
 
 
> You say "I'm tired of this stupid running joke of bringing me into yuri comedy situations, This has fone too far, WAY too far. There's just one thing I can do now. Guards! Release this girl with Our apologies and give her a suitable compensation for the inconveniences. And with "suitable" I mean at least five figures. As for you, Fluffy, stay still and silent where you are."
"Yes, sir," the guards say. 
"Thank you! You are the best!" she shouts excitedly.
You nod. "Goodbye."
The girl runs over to hug you tightly.
You briefly return the hug, then wait for her to leave. "And Mother would be so proud of what I've done," you think to yourself.
You turn, facing Fluffy.
 
> You say "If you can't win against them, join them". Kneel in front of Fluffy and offer a diamond ring.
Your hand trembles as it reaches for the pouch at your side. Inside is a large, beautiful diamond ring.
Fluffy's eyes widen when you offer her the ring.
 
> You say "Fluffy, will you be my maid catgirl wife and rule this kingdom by my side?"
Fluffy's eye narrow.
"You're serious," she says.
"Of course I'm serious, what does it look like? I'm asking you to marry me."
"This is really happening?"
"Congratulations, you just became my queen."
Fluffy's eyes widen.
"This isn't a joke?" she asks. "You sure you want to marry me?"
You nod.
 
> You say "Well? Will you marry me?"
"Okay," Fluffy says, laughing. "I'd love to!"
Fluffy hugs you tightly, and you feel a deep satisfaction inside.
 
> You summon Father Thomas, who is waiting right behind the door.
You nod, and turn to face the door as Father Thomas appears. He looks at you expectantly.
"Congratulations," he says.
 
> You say "Father Thomas, kindly perfom a speed marriage right now and here"
Father Thomas nods, and clears his throat dramatically.
"We don't have much time," he says. "I'm sorry."
 
MAWAGE
 
MAWAGE ES VOT BWINGS US TOGETHAR...TODEY
 
MAWAGE THAT BWESSED AWANGEMENT
 
THAT DWEAM...WITHIN A DWEAM
 
AND WOVE...TWUE WOVE..WILL FOLLAW YOO...FOREVAR
 
SO TWEASAR YOOR WIVE HAVE YOO ZA WING? 
 
AND DO YO PWINCESS FLOOFY
 
WIVE AND WIVE 
 
> You facepalm, then kiss your new wife.
You nod. "Thank you," you say. "Thank you for this."
Father Thomas nods, and steps back. You quickly kiss Fluffy, before stepping away yourself.
"Now, now, now!"
 
> You bridal-carry Fluffy to the royal bedchambers.
You nod respectfully, and take your bride's hand. You lead her out of the throne room, and through the halls. Soon, you reach the royal bedchambers. You open the door, and carry tour bride through the door.
 
> You say "I have a surprise gift for you"
"I can hardly wait," Fluffy says.
 
 
> You summon Heather.
You nod, summoning Heather. The vampire appears in the room, smiling.
"Here I am," she says. "I can never get used to appearing in these damnable fog clouds.
 
> You summon Helena.
You call forth, summoning Helena. The svelk woman walks into the room. She wears simple clothing, with a gold chain over her cleavage.
"As you wish, my queen" she says.
 
> You summon the ladies of the court, the fourscore of young blondes and brunettes all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half.
The ladies of the court arrive, smiling. They wear extremely revealing clothing, belted at the waist and drawing attention to their *******, which are bouncing free of their shirts.
"My queen,"
 
> You summon the usksha bellydancing genies ambassador and her retinue.
The usksha ambassador and her retinue appear in the room. They wear very little clothing, with the bellydancers' skin painted virginally white, and wearing short shorts or long skirts.
 
> You summon the ambassador of the Slin Srogh Elves and her retinue.
The Slin Srogh ambassador arrives, wearing a plain grey dress with a white fur shrug. Her face is stern and unattractive, and her raven black hair is drawn back in a tight, severe pony tail. She smiles warmly at you.
"Greetings, friend," she says. "It is good to see you."
"Apologies, but we are a little busy here," you say. "We have a lot to go through. Can we get started?"
The Slin Srogh Lady nods understandingly and orders her retinue to come along. The Elven women file past, some smiling, others with eager expressions.
 
> You summon Rose.
Rose walks in, wearing a very revealing red dress. She smiles at you, and you fight the urge to cover your eyes.
"Hey," she says. "I'm here.
 
> You summon the girl Fluffy tried to give to you as a gift.
Despite yourself, you smile. The girl who was nearly given to you as a gift stands in the room. She is very pretty, and looks about eighteen.
 
> You say "Know what? YOU WIN! You have been trying to railroad me into having a yuri harem ending, and I'm tired of fighting against you all. Fluffy, THIS is my wedding gift to you. The biggest yuri harem EVER. All yours, my dear. (Well, not all. My imouto is OFF LIMITS - only warning). Are you happy, my beloved maid catgirl wife?"
"I'm happier than I've ever been!" Fluffy smiles.
You say "Then... Let's get busy... OFF CAMERA!"
 
THE END
 
“The AI doesn't know what to say. Alter, undo, or try again. “