"Two Scares For the Price of One" by littlemissjazz _______________ [Scene Setup: The night is dark, rainy & cold with not a star in sight. It goes well with the eerie atmosphere of the dark, silent forest that your visitors travel through. They are just drunk college friends looking for some fun on this Halloween night. After walking through endless path & scaring the shit out of each other, they come to a house. A house that looks more like a skeleton of one: wooden planks sticking out, faded paint, a sunken roof, wood so dark it looks black & a destroyed porch crawling with bugs, moss & poison ivy. It is a house that reeks of bad. Of evil. But it makes the perfect fun for your visitors.] _________________ ***Script Starts Here [Sound of rain pattering & thunder cracking] [A melancholy piano tune softly playing as Ghost #2 presses the keys] Ghost #1: (groans in disappointment) Damn! It’s ******* raining. (sighs) The one night we get to walk the earth after 54 ******* years and it rains on us? Ghost #2: You mean it rains on ~you. I wasn’t planning on going out tonight. Ghost #1: What do you mean? You always go out on Halloween! It’s the one time we actually get to leave the house for once and be human again! Ya know...have fun! Ghost #2: So what if I used to do it? That’s in the past. Besides, there’s not a lot to do out there anyway. All we usually do on Halloween is smoke, raid the bars and clubs, and try to pick up any pretty woman we see to take to the hotel because no woman wants to come back to this hell hole. You call that fun? Ghost #1: You’re damn right. It’s better than the fun we have here day in and day out. All we do is stare at each other and haunt this damn house like we’ve been doing for the past 54 years. (sighs) I wonder if she ever¬– Ghost #2: [Piano music ceases] Don’t talk about her. Ghost #1: Why? You never want me to talk about her or say her name despite the fact that it’s not gonna change anything. We’re still ******* dead! We’re still doomed to haunt this damn house for the rest of our lives. (snickers) Lives. I made a joke. Ghost #2: You’re insane and a drunk. Drink any more of that whiskey and you’re going to die a second death from alcohol poisoning. Ghost #1: At least I’m drowning my sorrows in something useful. All you do is sit there and play on that dusty ass piano. The least we can do is go out and drown our sorrows in some booze and some *****! Come on, man! Live a little! Ghost #2: It’s been 54 years, dumbass. The world isn’t the same as it used to be in 1965. We’ve been sitting in this damn house for 54 years watching the world go on without us. Why would you ever think she’s still waiting for us? Or that’s she even still alive? Ghost #1: *pissed* You don’t have to be a dick about it. Ghost #2: I’m only being a dick because I want you to stop being stupid. I’m your brother and it’s my job to make you see the truth. If she never came to our funerals 54 years ago, why in the **** would she ever come here if she’s still alive? She’s the reason we’re dead in the first place. Ghost #1: Don’t start with that bullshit! It was an accident! A tragic accident. Ghost #2: Was it an accident that she cheated with the both of us? Was it an accident when we caught her in the act of ******* another guy in this house? It certainly wasn’t an accident when she left us in here to burn to death. She left us to die! Ghost #1: That was only because you dropped your cigarette on the carpet and it blew up the house! Ghost #2: Stop making excuses for her! She saved herself and her secret without coming back to make sure we were alright. She wanted us to die along with the fact that she’s nothing but a cheating, lying slut that stole our money and ruined our brotherhood. (sighs) There’s nothing in this world that can change that or make us forget. There’s no woman or drug or whatever that can distract us from the fact that we’re doomed to spend eternity in this house hoping to go somewhere else. Ghost #1: What’s so wrong with that? What’s so wrong with distracting ourselves for at least a little while and enjoying the world? Ghost #2: There’s nothing even the least bit enjoyable in this world. It’s still just as cruel, unforgiving and filled with injustice as it was in 1965. (sighs) If you do go out, just leave me be. I’m just going to sit here and play out these notes. [Piano music con.] Ghost #1: (groans in frustration) You’re impossible! Fine, if you wanna stay here and wallow in your sorrow, go right ahead. I don’t give a shit if it’s raining. I’m gonna go out and- [Sound of door creaking open] Ghost #2: [Sound of piano music stopping abruptly] What the **** was that? Ghost #1: It sounded like….the door. But how? It’s been locked for years! Ghost #2: Shhh! Quiet. I hear something. [Sound of footsteps & laughter] Ghost #1: I hear it too. It’s...people. They are people here! Oooh, finally some fun! Ghost #2: Probably a group of some damn kids wanting to scare each other shitless. Wait! Where are you going? Ghost #1: To give our guests a little warm welcome. Ghost #2: No, you’re not. You’re gonna stay right here and- [Sound of door slamming shut, glasses breaking & laughter] Ghost #2: What the **** are they doing? Come with me. And stay quiet. Ghost #1: I’m right behind you, brother. Let me know when it’s time to break out the fun. Ghost #2: I knew it. Just a bunch of college kids. They locked the door to the basement for whatever reason and they broke half of the framed pictures on the wall. Damn kids. Ghost #1: Nobody has visited this house in years, brother. Don’t you see? This is our chance to have some fun! They’re in here to get their Halloween fun, so why don’t we give it to ‘em? Ghost #2: Well….fine. I might as well. I hear them going upstairs. Let’s get them there. Ghost #1: I’m right behind you. [Sounds of pounding footsteps, glasses breaking & slamming doors for the next minute or so] [Ghostly sounds SFX travels from one ear to the other, making the listener feel spooked] [The sound of a door slamming shut] Ghost #1: (laughing) Oh, man! They were so ******* scared! Did you see the way they scrambled for the door? Ghost #2: (chuckles) Yeah, you’re not kidding. I thought they were gonna piss themselves. That was kinda fun, I have to admit. Ghost #1: See? You owe me an apology for- [Sound of banging on door] Ghost #1: What the **** was that? Ghost #2: More like who was that. The basement. There’s someone still down there. Ghost #1: Then let’s go give them a welcome too. No one enters our home without our permission. Come on. [Sound of door creaking open] Ghost #2: Who’s in here? Show yourself! Ghost #1: Look! Over there. There’s a candle glowing. *To listener* Oh...well, hello there. My, you’re a pretty one, aren’t you? Ghost #2: Who are you? How did you get in here? Ghost #1: Hey, relax. Look, she’s practically shaking. Relax, sweetheart. We’re not gonna hurt you just as long as you don’t do anything rash. Ghost #2: Why did you come here? No one is ever allowed to step foot into this house. The door was locked anyway which should’ve been a warning sign enough. (sighs) I swear, you humans. Especially the young ones. Ghost #1: Well, yes, we are young...in appearance. I guess all those years of being cooped up in a house didn’t destroy our ravishing good looks. In truth, we’re at least 54 years old. (laughs) Isn’t it obvious, sweetheart? We’re ghosts. Why do you think the room got so cold when we walked in? Ghost #2: Good going, genius. Now she’s gonna go and tell her little friends that…*To listener* What do you mean no? You’re not gonna tell them? Ghost #1: They locked you in here alone? What kind of friends would do such a thing? Wait, lemme guess: you’re the shy, nerdy girl around campus and you wanted to hang with the popular kids to seem cool, right? And they played a stupid prank on you because they know you’re scared of haunted houses? Ghost #2: Assholes. I could’ve given them something to be scared about. Ghost #1: Those weren’t your friends, baby. You need to get yourself some real ones who won’t try to give you a heart attack just to get their Halloween jollies. (sighs) Well, if you’re not gonna tell, then we’ll let you go. It’s midnight which means there are only a couple hours until sunrise. I’ve gotten my living out of my system. [A slight pause] What does that mean? Well, it’s a little complicated for the dead. Halloween is basically the time for all hell to break loose. That means all the logic for the dead don’t apply. We rise from the dead, basically speaking. Ghost #2: It’s the only time we get to live before we’re doomed to spend the rest of the year among the shadows. We’re the lucky ones. At least we get to be in this house among the trees and the woodland creatures away from everyone. Ghost #1: Says you! I haven’t been out in the world since 1965! Oh...guess we gotta explain that too, huh? You see, sweetie, we died in 1965. Ghost #2: After a murder. Ghost #1: *sharply* After a tragic accident. (clears throat) You see, we were brothers. I mean, we still are, but back in life, we were seeing the same girl. She was cheating with the both of us. One night, we found out what was really going on and confronted her at her house. We caught her in bed with another man and nearly killed them both. My brother here accidentally dropped his cigarette in the carpet and the house caught fire. Ghost #2: And instead of the lying bitch helping us all get out the house, she saves the man she slept with and left us to die. We’ve been stuck in here ever since, forbidden to leave the house or these woods. Ghost #1: You’re...you’re crying. [A slight pause] Please don’t cry for us, sweetheart. It’s not your fault we died. It was just...bad luck, I guess. Ghost #2: I haven’t seen someone show such compassion in 54 years. You really feel that deeply for us? Two dusty ghosts living in this broken house in the middle of the woods? Ghost #1: Wow...how is it that you’re so beautiful even when you cry? You want to hug me? I...I haven’t touched anyone in so long… Mmm…this feels…good. Ghost #2: You want to hug me as well? [A pause] Oh, wow. This is...nice. I haven’t felt a human connection in so long. Your skin is so soft. You feel so...womanly against me, if that makes any sense. (chuckles) Actually, none of this makes any sense. I guess we all needed a little human connection tonight, huh? Ghost #1: You feel something...against your leg? That might just be a roach. Sorry, babe, we got a bunch of ‘em in here. [A pause] No? It’s...poking you? Oh, shit! Yeah, that’s...that’s me. I’m really sorry. Unfortunately, when you’re a ghost, you always undergo a dry spell. To put it bluntly, sweetness, I’m horny. As ****. Ghost #2: You’re not the only one. I haven’t felt a woman’s touch in 54 years! And looking at your ugly mug all that time isn’t exactly the best way to get a man going. Ghost #1: Sorry. I hope this doesn’t make this as weird as it already is. If it is then we can– Mmph! [She kisses you] Mmm…Wow. That was so…good. Ghost #2: You want to kiss me as well? Well…I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be welcomed. [Soft kissing sounds] My God…I haven’t felt something like that in decades. Ghost #1: Hey, don’t hog her up! I want some of those lips too. [Soft kissing sounds in between dialogue] ****, you taste so good! And you feel so good. Can you feel how hard I am? Can you feel my **** pressing up against your back? That’s all for you. Ghost #2: I can’t seem to control myself anymore. I need to know that you want this. Ghost #1: Oh, I want this. Ghost #2: *To Ghost #1* Not you! *To the listener* You. I…I mean, *we need to know that you want this just as much as we want you. We don’t want your pity, darling. We just want you. And we want you to want us. Hearing you say that is really doing something to me… You’re wearing way too many ******* clothes. Help me get these off her. [Rustling of clothes SFX] Ghost #1: (chuckles) With pleasure. You would like us to strip you, baby? [The listener agrees] Good. Only if you want us too. But of course, you do. I can see that heart pounding out of your flushed chest. You can barely contain yourself. You’re just aching for us to strip of your clothes, throw you down and take that ******* ***** any way we want, aren’t you? Mmm, I know you are, baby. But first you gotta work for it. Ghost #2: That I have to agree with. (scoffs playfully) What? You think we were just going to give you these dicks right off the bat? No, no, nooo, baby girl. Yes, we want you, we’re not that generous and you’re too greedy. We need something from you first. *In a demanding, rough tone* Lay down. Now spread your ******* legs. Wider. Now spread open those lips. You ******* heard me. Ghost #1: ****, the way you spread yourself wide and look straight into our eyes like that... I need to taste you right now. You ready, girl? Because I’m ******* drooling just at the thought of tasting you. [Cunnlingus improv] God! You’re so wet. Is that all for me? (laughs lightly) Ghost #2: *To Ghost #1* Don’t just assume all that is for you. Scoot over. [Cunnlingus improv] **** me, you do taste good! I thought he was just exaggerating, but...shit! I need more. I need to taste more of you. [Cunnlingus & dirty talk improv] Ghost #1: (growls softly) You’re gonna cum, aren’t you? I can feel your thighs starting to shake and those walls clenching around my tongue. Ghost #2: Cum for us, baby. You wanna be a good girl for us, right? Then cum. Cum for us right now. I can’t take much more of this. God! You taste so good! [Cunnlingus & dirty talk improv con. until the listener climaxes] Ghost #1: *growly* Enough of this shit. Get the **** up. I need to **** you right now. And I know you want that too. We’re not finished yet. Not until the sun rises at least. Ghost #2: I don’t think I can take much more of this foreplay either, sweetness. I won’t hurt you, but I need to take you too. If I don’t, I’ll go insane. (chuckles) Such a mouth on you. Well, if it’s what the woman wants- Ghost #1: -then you’ll get it. Now bend over. (laughs) You’re so cute when you’re flustered. No, no, baby girl. You don’t get what you want until you beg for it. Ghost #2: Tell us how much you want us. How much you want my **** back inside that pretty little mouth and his inside that luscious *****. Beg for us. [a slight pause as she begs you] Mmm, good girl. Ghost #1: (moaning in ecstasy) ****, ****, fuuuck, you’re so tight! And so wet! I’ve gotta be careful or I’ll bust inside you way quicker than I’d like. Ghost #2: Does that feel good? I’m not hurting you? [a slight pause] Okay, good. I’m gonna start moving now. [a slight pause] You want me to just shut up and **** your mouth, huh? (chuckles) Such bossiness. (moans in ecstasy) [Wet sounds as you begin to move] [SFX is key to a great experience lol] Ghost #1: Oh, ****! Yes! You’re so tight and wet around me! It’s like you’re trying to make me cum with each thrust. (grunts loudly) Oh, God, yes! [dirty talk improv w/ wet, slapping sounds con.] Ghost #2: God yes! Take my ****, gorgeous. Take all of me down that throat. Let me sink my fingers in that hair. Ghost #1: Hey, we should switch. I want you to get a feel of this ***** before we’re forced to go back to our lives in purgatory. Ghost #2: Mmm…I like the way you think. You take her from the front and I take her from the back. [Moaning in unison as you both switch & continue to **** her] Ghost #1: Yes! ****, YES! Throw your head back and cry out, baby! Let everyone know you’re taking some ghost dick. Ghost #2: How are you this ******* tight? (laughs breathlessly) I don’t think I’m gonna last long. This is the first ***** I’ve ****** in 54 years and it’s so. *******. Perfect. [More moaning & dirty talk improv w/ wet *** sounds cont.] Ghost #2: God! I just felt you get tighter. You’re going to cum, aren’t you? Cum for me then, baby girl. Do it! Make this **** yours. Claim it. Yes, that’s it! Ghost #1: **** yes, take that dick, girl. Take it while you cum. Cum like a good ******* little girl! [Moaning improv as she climaxes] Ghost #2: Oh, ****! I feel your ***** tightening around me! God, it’s so good! I-I can’t take it. I’m going to cum soon. Do you want that, huh, girl? Do you want me to claim that ***** while he claims your throat? Ghost #1: I can’t hold on for long, gorgeous. I’m going to explode soon. [Moaning becomes louder & thrusting becomes more frequent] Oh...oh, ****! Baby...I-I gonna cum. You’re too ******* much for me. Ghost #2: I’m right about thre myself. And you’re going to take both of our loads, girl. Is that what you want? Huh? [Moaning & dirty talk improv as you both approach your climax] Ghost #1: You gonna take it? Hm? You gonna take our cum, pretty girl? Yeah? [Go ham at this part here lol] ****! ****, I’m close! Yes, make me cum, baby! Take me there! Ghost #2: (grunting in absolute ecstasy, unable to hold on anymore) God! I’m cumming too! Take it, baby! Take all of it! Take all of me right...*******...NOW! [Improv as you both finally climax] [Thunder booms as you both finally climax before settling into the pitter-patter of rain] Ghost #1: (panting heavily) Oh...oh, my God…. (laughs) Oh, God! Wow! That was...that was... Ghost #2: AMAZING. (breathes heavily) That was absolutely amazing. You are something else, baby. I swear. That was definitely worth waiting 11 months for only one night. Please kiss me. I need to know that this is real. Ghost #1: Me too. Come here, baby…please. Thank you for giving me this. For giving us this. Well, we’re glad we could please you too. Ghost #2: ****…look at the sky. The sun is rising. Ghost #1: ****! No, no, I thought we had more time! We must’ve lost track. Ghost #2: [A slight pause] What happens now, you ask? Well, it’s simple, darling. We return to our ghostly states. It is unfortunately the fate we must face for however long we’re here. You’d like to come and visit us? Truly? Ghost #1: God yes, please! Come and see us again. Even if we can’t touch each other, spending eternity on Earth would be much better if I could look at a face other than his. Ghost #2: Well...Alright then. We have a deal. You should go now before people start asking where you are. Ghost #1: He’s right, baby. You should get out of here now. But please come back again as soon as you can. We’ll be here. We’ll always be here. ***Script Ends Here