How things will pan out really soon:the fanfiction: the tossed squeakuel: the revelation: THE ONE AND ONLY....SPIDER MAAAAN presented to you by: Dr. Bees

Two very shy (not), timid (not) "people" really want to meet. A giant hand tries to force both the guy and the girl closer together. "Do it....DO IT!!!" Says the voice in his head. And so he does it. And oh boy, does he do it. He's doing it. Oh God he's making a complete embarrassment out of himself. Please stop. "No ;)" The somewhat retarded boy says back to me like an asshole

"WHAT? WHAT? WHAT DID HE MESSAGE ME THIS TIME" Says the somewhat female person recipient.
(very very small text): I like to toss squeaks

Why is hE TALKING TO ME?!?! Am I his favoRITE GIRL?!?! WHAT?!? WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!! Why won't he leave me alone? Just why? This freaking tard. Shut up already-----

Intervention: (oh God not this again)
Basically I need to check up on how she feels or whatever. Something something you're annoying me. Yeah yeah her feelings or something

"I mean c'mon I doubt you're going to be the guy who is paying my bills"

"I just need to toss squeaks to pay the bills. My squeaks that are delicious are going to go far, kid" said squeaky the hunk

WITH A THOUSAND EYES AND A GOOD DISGUISE SQUEAK EM RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES HIT EM RIGHT BETWEEN THE SQUEAKS x12 with each repeating phrase getting faster by 22% each time

Meanwhile:
data stream:--something something something three weeks ago

"Oh what was that, data stream? Something happened three weeks ago? I NEED TO TAKE ACTION. IN ThE mOSt eMBarrAssIng WaY PosSiBLE"

GODDAMN IT STOP TALKING TO ME! YOU'RE STUPID AS HELL! IM DONE WITH YOUR BULLSHIT!
You know what? I'm done with this. (your everything has been blocked)

Two minutes later she is speaking with somebody else.  And so and so somewhat person guy recipient happens to eavesdrop. 
"I mean look,. He doesn't even do shit. Seriously. Think I can mess around with some...lazeler or something? No! Oh great he's STILL listening....just go away, man. Youve tossed enough of my squeaks squeaks today " (translated to: she's fed up)

"but I've only sent you like....three messages and....six images."

No you have ******* NOT. You're trying to get into my heart. Sorry buddy it's not happening. 

At that point ☝️☝️☝️(this point, right up here. Not THAT POINT 👉. NOT THIS POINT 👉( . ) 👈) I felt it sink in my chest (Linkin park's Place for my Head starts to play louder and louder in my head) Oh no it's happening. I need to say something...AND FAST.
.
.
.
.
Hank hill accent: "I guess I now have to throw in the bath towel while explaining to everybody on how to how to eat a chomp while also tossing a squeak" *throws in the bath towel while simultaneously explaining how to toss a squeak while also eating a chomp*

"The squeak is the most important part of the bite, not the clack"

"Is this guy done? Seriously." This isn't even remotely funny.

"YOU HAVE TO PUT THE C.D INTO THE DISTRICT OF COLOMBIA AND THEN FALL INTO A MAN THATS PICTURING HIMSELF IN A BOAT ON A BOAT ON A BOAT ON A BOAT ON A BOAT ON A BOAT ON A BOAT ON A RIVER WITH TANGERINE TREES AND MARMALADE BEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS" I chortled and sneezed out like an enema at three thousand miles an hour and then everybody died due to extreme embarrassment. 

© 2019-2021 Fabrice Bellard - Technical notes

"Oh no you don't!" *wrangles the previous line with a lasso* "I. DID --- USE TEXT SYNTH. Wait what? *Ahem* I DID...Nuh....nuuuh. Knuh. Knawt. Knooot. Knot. Okay there we go. Lets take it from the top.  I KNOTTED TEXT SYNTH. Ha! You thought I was going to say something else huh? Well TOO bad!" *wrangles Jeep and drives away into the sunset wearing a  covid mask with ebola on it*

This episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is bought to you by: uWu what did he send this time

 what's this?

OH GOD WHAT THE ****